Feels odd!

[Twinkleinmyeye]

I found out that ex-BIL is staying with my friend and her DH tonight while he is down to visit his DC. I do not see ex-BIL socially. His breakup with my sis wasn't pretty.

I never asked them to cut ties with him after he became my ex-BIL, even though they only became friends with him through me and I'm not suggesting that they should not continue to have a friendship. It's totally up to them of course.

But... I am (I thought) close enough to this particular friend that it feels weird for her not to have even mentioned it. Just in an "FYI" kind of way. It feels a bit like she's hiding it from me. It's a really odd feeling.

I don't know if this is an AIBU really. I guess I just wanted some opinions.

Sounds like she's trying to spare your feelings.

If she knows you'd feel a bit funny, it could be an awkward conversation she'd prefer not to taint your friendship with.

How did you find out?

Is it your friend's husband and the ex-BIL that are friends? Maybe she feels awkward about it too.

I only say this because my DH invited my friend's XH round to do a quote for us on something today. He told me after he made the arrangement. I could've swung for him as their break up was v. Messy and now i feel awkward about my mate finding out. I mean, of all the people. We don't even know him. I had to go out.

It depends really

If you've seen or spoken to her and she didn't mention it then perhaps she hid it on purpose...but if you haven't seen or spoken to her she's hardly likely to think to inform you as why would you be interested?

Why should she mention it?
She knows that the breakup was not pleasant, you are his ex's sister so presumably are not particularly happy with him either.
I wouldn't talk about his visit either if I were her. It could potentially lead to a very awkward conversation about this man who is still their friend.

Yes, it is her DH who is still his friend, and I think you're all correct that she was trying to spare my feelings.

I found out because ex-BIL invited DH over to join them for a pint! DH and ex-BIL were very good friends but DH felt the same about the breakup as me and chose not to continue their friendship thank God.

I still can't figure out why I would've preferred that she told me. We did see each other recently so it wouldn't have been out of the blue. Ah well. Thanks for your thoughts, all. :)