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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL driving me a bit mad

21 replies

EvilTwins · 21/07/2012 17:53

DH is going to a school reunion next weekend. He is going to stay with his parents. This was arranged nearly a year ago, but more recently he's decided to take our DTDs with him. It was his suggestion- he thought I would like a bit of time to myself and so when he asked his parents if it was OK to bring the DDs he said that I wouldn't be going and explained why. MIL seemed OK with that at first but has now phoned 4 times to ask him why I'm not going. Today, she phoned and basically told me off- she said I was not to hold grudges (not a clue what she's on a about- we don't see them often (DH's choice plus they live a long way from us and have only visited us once since the DTs were born 6 years ago)) and that she wants to talk to me on Skype at 7pm tomorrow.

AIBU to be pissed off about this? I have no desire to be told off tomorrow on Skype. I often visit my own parents without DH and no one thinks anything of it. AIBU not to go and stay with them?

OP posts:

Vinomcstephens · 21/07/2012 17:59

Well, did you explain things to her? You had a conversation with her on the phone today so presumably you told her why you're not going? So why does a second conversation need to be held via Skype tomorrow? You're not being unreasonable to not want to go, by the way, I'm just a little confused about why, when you've already told her why you're not going, it has to be done all over again tomorrow??

Emandlu · 21/07/2012 18:00

YANBU, has she given you the chance to explain?

foosty · 21/07/2012 18:00

sounds like your MIL has very set ideas about what a mother is expected to do

your DH is being nice and thoughtful but she sees it is you getting a break and she has to babysit your DTs (which you would think she might enjoy given that she never sees them!)

don't do the Skype thing - get your DH to stick up for you and explain to her why he's brought the dts with him! and don't feel guilty - you've done nothing wrong - it's noot like any of this was even your idea!

RuleBritannia · 21/07/2012 18:03

Why should you explain something amicably decided between you and your DH. It's nothing to do with anyone else! I don't know how skype works but don't answer the phone or switch on your computer. Find something 'urgent' to do outside so you don't hear any persistent ringing. Why can't she ask her DS if she's so nosy?

I wouldn't dream of interfering between my DS and his DW.

holyfishnets · 21/07/2012 18:05

Yes don't stay with them. You have a little bit of time to yourself and should enjoy it. What a treat to be alone for a tiny bit of time. How kind of DH to do that for you.

I'd actually text and say that if she want to skype for a general chat, thats fine but you are unwilling to discuss the visit/non visit as there is nothing more to be said.

If they do bring up the subject, just say that you are not prepared to discuss it. You have decided to enjoy some 'me' time and thats the end of it.

longjane · 21/07/2012 18:05

well you are expecting them to babysit your kids night and morning
whom they don't know?
you could of at least ask them if them would?

holyfishnets · 21/07/2012 18:06

Like the idea of DH talking to MIL too. It's his mother after all and he must be the one to stick up for you

Socknickingpixie · 21/07/2012 18:09

i would just go on skype and explain to her that you didnt have a grudge but seen as shes ordered you to present yourself for a telling off you now do

BillyBollyBandy · 21/07/2012 18:09

DH has asked his parents if they would, why does the OP need to get involved?

I wouldn't ignore her though, but would speak to her with dh there.

squeakytoy · 21/07/2012 18:09

I can think of two other reasons.. one is that if she doesnt see you often, maybe she is a bit upset that she isnt going to see you and hoped you would come and spend time with her while your husband is with his mates.

Or maybe she is concerned that you are not going because you dont want to see her.

Perhaps just reassure her that she is being a bit paranoid, (in the nicest way), and you are just looking forwards to having complete peace at home, and you want to give her a chance to have some quality time with her grandchildren.

Original poster

EvilTwins · 21/07/2012 18:12

longjane - they won't be looking after the DTs, except for the evening of the reunion, which they have already agreed. The rest of the time, DH will be there. He's said today that he'll be taking them to call in on a couple of old friends too, so my PIL won't see any more of them than they want to.

I did explain today, and DH has explained a number of times, but the demand to be on Skype at 7 tomorrow was at the end of the conversation. I'm not convinced she was listening to me, TBH.

OP posts:

DublinMammy · 21/07/2012 18:18

How odd and overly dramatic of her. Is there anything around DH's choice not to see much of them that she cold be attributing to you?

Original poster

EvilTwins · 21/07/2012 18:21

DH doesn't see much of them because they live 300 miles away and don't like to travel. We see them maybe twice a year, which I know isn't much, but it could be double that if they were willing to come and visit us!

I don't think she blames me for that - he's been the same since he left home!

OP posts:

DublinMammy · 21/07/2012 18:23

Fair enough, just wondered if there was anything you could be blamed for! She sounds like a right PITA and very, very bossy. Don't take a Skype call. Tell her you assumed she wasn't serious as only a total nutter could "have it out on Skype" over nothing it seems so odd. Enjoy some time to yourself.

NarkedRaspberry · 21/07/2012 18:28

It would be interesting to know what she thinks you're holding 'a grudge' about . Seriously odd though. You'd think any mother would understand having a break.

tartyflette · 21/07/2012 18:36

Let your DH talk to her on Skype tomorrow and ideally let her know she can't just command your presence especially if she wants to have a go at you about something you don't have a clue about--. You have no obligation at all to speak to her.

hairytale · 21/07/2012 18:45

Has tour DH specifically asked your MIL to baby sit while he is at the reunion? If not, is that what she could be miffed about?

MrsMangoBiscuit · 21/07/2012 18:45

I would assume that there's been some great misunderstanding, and deal with it as such. It could well be as squeakytoy suggests, that your MiL thinks you are avoiding her. Maybe she did something that you've since forgotten, but she thinks it's pissed you off.

I'd probably get in there first and reassure her that there is no grudge, and you're flattered that she was so concerned with making you welcome, but that DH has offered to take the DT to give you some much needed time off, which you're sure she will appreciate, being a mother herself. :)

hairytale · 21/07/2012 18:46

Ignore me I've read above ^

LaQueen · 21/07/2012 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PropertyNightmare · 21/07/2012 19:04

Another PIL who needs to be told to fuck off. Lots of them on MN tonight!

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