To think my dh is a bit self absorbed?

[Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme]

He's now off fishing again. This has been just about every weekend since Easter. We have two small children who would actually like to see their daddy for a bit and I personally am going to be climbing the walls soon if I don't get a day away from the constant childcare/housework/foodshopping that is my glamourous life.

He does work hard but it's not that stressful a job. He seems to think he's the only one who deserves time off because of course I lead the life of Riley being a sahm.

And then when he is here he's getting fishing stuff ready or watching fishing tips online. Or he disappears out into the garden. Anywhere but with us, it feels like.

Feel like a single parent without actually being single. If I complain that we would like to see him he acts as if he'd actually rather be fishing. We do get on well, there are no other issues, other than him being a bit selfish, in my opinion.

AIBU? Now he's got small children shouldn't his first priority be them? I don't mind a bit of fishing but he's never bloody here.

AND another thing.

He earns decent money and that's because he hasn't had a break in employment. If you'd worked outside the home solidly since you graduated, no doubt you'd be earning good money now, too.

OP, what age are your children? You say you'd like to retrain - are you interested in anything in particular?

Do you do the shopping? Do you have the bank card?

If so, then pay your "wages" out of that money.

You are a part of a family, not his unpaid housekeeper and personal assistant.

This does seem to be a very unfair set up. He earns good money because you are at home doing everything. Once a month would be more than enough for his fishing trips. Two or three times a year even And some people wouldn't be happy with that.

And this my money your money business is really just not on. If one person isn't earning or earning a lot less. It can only work reasonably fairly if both partners earn the same. Or have the same spending money.

Isn't he a bit boring if all he's interested in is fishing?

Yes!

I guess I've never been that bothered by the money set up, so I haven't really noticed how bad it's got. It's just the constant 'I can do what I like with my time' that gets me. No, you can't, because you're neglecting your children and it's not fair on them.

Looking at it now though, he does behave like a single man. He comes and goes as he pleases, controls all the money and gets all his housework and childcare done for nothing.

Mind you if I wasn't here he wouldn't have kids in the first place so he would be a single man.

Why can't you just go out?

You need to sit down and talk to your DH. I agree with other posters although you say money is not an issue it clearly is. I was a SAHM but we had a joint account and we both spent the money on things we wanted. I didn't have to check with DH first before I bought something. I now work and both salaries go into the joint account although I do have some money in a separate account. The other issue is your DH not spending time with his family. Children grow up fast. Also you need a break.

You need to deal with this now unless you want to end up like his mum and dad for the rest of your lives.