To not want to return home just yet

[Angelyaz]

First post in AIBU, so I have my hard hat on, but genuinely need some opinions.

I have a 9 week old DS, am a lone parent (have always known that I was going it alone...) and live with a lodger, who is a good friend. I have been breastfeeding and DS has had a few issues with weight loss, wind/colic etc. My parents, who live 15mins away, have been a great support, to the extent that they encourage me to stay over with them so they can help out during these difficult times. I have now been staying with my parents for the last 2-3 weeks. We get on really well, they love having their DGC around, are a great help and I really appreciate their help (and tell them frequently).

My problem is that whenever I think about returning home, I start to feel a bit tearful, and am really not looking forward to it. I am very well controlled on medication for depression - I know it is not a recurrence of this (also my parents are on the ball with spotting any signs of low mood). I think I am just stressing about returning home where I will be responsible for my DS (who is an absolute pleasure!) AND for myself, my share of the housework etc. I am very aware that I am being spoilt at my parents' - I don't have to do any cooking, cleaning, washing, but do help out whenever DS 'allows', and have mum/dad on tap to hold DS or entertain him while I nip to the loo, have a shower etc. I am demand feeding and cosleeping, so have no discernible schedule at the moment; it takes us till lunchtime to be ready to leave the house (my parents are also late to bed and late to rise...), but I am managing to get out and about most days, to see friends etc. I have always had very high standards for myself and wonder if I am expecting too much - in my head I know that no new mother will have it all sorted by week 9, especially going it alone, but I also worry that I am being unreasonably dependant on my parents and am 'malingering' a bit. I have discussed going home with my parents, and they express quite clearly that they are more than happy for me to do whatever is right for DS and I.

Anyway, I would like to know what you lovely MNetters think - am I being unreasonable in leaning on my parents this much and not going home, or am I being too hard on myself and just need to wait for going home to feel less scary?

Thanks in advance.

(PS I have checked, double checked and triple checked my spelling, apostrophes and grammar and have put in paragraphs where appropriate, so hopefully the grammar nazis amongst you will have nothing to point out )

I think you should stay with your Parents for a while longer and stop being so hard on yourself. Congratulations on your new baby

YANDBU. Sounds like you have lovely support there. Maybe it would be worth spending some afternoons at home with your DS, to wean yourself back into going home. I wouldn't rush to move back to your house, but I suppose you also need to ensure you don't become too dependent on your parents.

But, enjoy this time and make the most of it without worrying about moving back home. Maybe your mum could spend a night or two with you at home too to ease you back in.

Do mum's ever have it all sorted? My DD is nearly 2....

It sounds like you're doing a brilliant job and that your parents are genuinely happy to help you out. Your DS is only 9 weeks old (congratulations by the way) so it's early days yet. Stay a bit longer but maybe start planning a gradual return home. Perhaps you could just go back for a couple of days a week to begin with? You'll probably amaze yourself at how well you cope.

The fact that you're concerned about taking your parents for granted shows what a caring and thoughtful person you are. I personally found that it took me about 12 weeks after having DS1 to start getting back to 'normal' so take it easy for now if you can.

Good luck!

You sound like you're doing an amazing job and I think you should stay with your parents a while longer. It was'nt that long ago when it was completely normal for extended families to live together and so a new mother would have had a lot of support. We're all so isolated these days and I often wonder if this contributes to pnd.

And congrats on the birth of your baby

Thank you all for your replies and kind words; there may be a tear or two being shed here! I'll shall go with the unanimous advice and be a bit easier on myself, while doing a gradual return to home.

Funnily enough memoo we had been half jokingly talking about selling up our respective houses and getting a large bungalow to all live in - I'm lucky enough that I get on that well with my folks!