AIBU to think my DP is a hypercondriac and to be annoyed about it.

[MoanedAt]

(Have name changed)

Ever since I met dp hes ALWAYS had a pain or ache or something he moans about. Hes been to the doctor countless times with each thing and gone for various tests but they all come back clear and the doctor says theres nothing wrong.

I was sympathetic at first but now I just dont know what to think as its something different everyday. I cant think back to a time when he hasnt had something wrong with him. For a few weeks I wrote down every time he made an excuse not to do something because of an ailment and everyday it was completely different, some days it would be 2 or 3 unrelated problems. Things like knee pain, chest pain, muscle pain, foot aches, flu, sickness. He will make such a huge deal out of them that we have ended up in A&E because hes convinced hes broken bones or has a serious condition and then after waiting around were told nothings wrong at all.

I've mostly shrugged it off untill I noticed that whenever I'm ill and need help with things its like hes trying to compete with me over whos hurting more..

Im pregnant and approaching my due date, I have severe SPD which means I can hardly walk and Im getting a bit fed up with him constantly complaining that hes got a part of him thats hurting when I ask him for some help.

His colleages are even starting to notice and whenever someone complains of feeling ill at work they say 'oh your pulling a (dp's name here)'

I want to add that he used to be a heavy cannabis smoker and the only time he seems to stop moaning is when hes had a splif. I dont agree with him doing this and am unhappy by how much of a difference it makes but his family all smoke and his mum buys it for him...

His constant moodiness and whining are starting to grate on me. AIBU to feel like this or should I believe that he really is suffering?

YANBU. I'm sure there will be others along in a mo to tell you why!

Are you comfortable with his drug use for a start?

He's not really showing you any respect, understanding or support is he?

Next time he says he can't do something because of whatever, tell him to suck it up and get on with it like you have to whenever you're ill.

You're having a baby soon but it sounds like you already have one child to look after.

I dunno. I suffer from health anxiety and when it's bad it's really bad, but I try not to moan or talk about it too much as that feeds the anxiety and I'm aware it probably pisses my DH off no end.

The drug use can't be hoping though.

Does he acknowledge that he had a problem?

Helping, not hoping.

But KrisKross, do you offer support and understanding if your dh is ill though?

OP I hope he won't be smoking the weed for the baby to breathe!

Manic, tbh if I think it's contagious then I have to stay away from him if my anxiety is particularly bad .

Her DP has actually taken himself off to A&E and his GP on numerous occasions but is always given the all clear, which suggests to me that he really does suffer from some kind of health anxiety rather than just being a lazy moaning bastard.

That's why I asked if he recognises that he has a problem. He needs to get himself some help.

No I'm not comfortable with the drug use at all and he knows it. I don't like the change in him when he smokes, its the only time he seems really happy and not moody. Then just as I adjust to him being happier he will run out of weed and then be worse than before. Hes grown up in a house full of weed smokers and smoked all day everyday until he moved out of home. He said its the only way he can relax. Its like hes a bit dead behind the eyes and just 'functioning' when hes not smoking and when I tell him I'm upset that we cant communicate when hes in this state his solution is to just get another bag of weed (its normally about 2 weeks or so in between smoking) It really is the only time hes not complaining about pains though.

Sallyingforth - He was supposed to quit smoking both tobacco and weed before baby was born but hes not done anything to stop yet. I told him theres no way I will stand for him to smoke near the baby or in the house.

KrisKross - I've always told him to go to the doctors and explain everything - not just one little ache at a time, but to tell them hes ALWAYS feeling ill but he hasn't bothered so I'm not sure if he does acknowledge that anythings wrong in that way.

I'd suggest a referral for mental health issues then.

YABU health anxiety is crippling to live with and being dismissed as a hypocondriach is NOT helpfull

the drugs are another issue though i personally wouldnt tolerate drug use and it only fuels paranoia so with that YANBU

Thanks latterlov3r, I am in 2 minds about it and have been for a while so it helps to hear different opinions. I have tried to help him for so long but he doesn't seem to care enough to get help. I really do love him very much and I realize anxiety of any sort is crippling to live with, I myself have BPD which seems to come with horrible anxiety at times but I make sure I get the help I need. I just want him to want to help himself.

There are health issues associated with long-term cannabis use, in particular personality changes. It sounds to me like he's suffering from this and the sooner you can get him off it the better.

There may be issues with MH associated with cannabis use but also there is an issue with it's pain-killing properties. If I took handfuls of paracetamol every day then stopped, I would probably get headaches. Long-term even low level painkiller use can lead to pain. I think he has trained his body to expect painkillers every day and when he doesn't get them, he is in pain.

He needs drug counselling and quickly because this will be extremely bad for his parenting. Even people with addictions who don't use their drug of choice but don't seal with the underlying issues can have very damaging behaviours, especially to their kids. Someone who is emotionally unavailable is not parenting. He needs to get this sorted.

Even before I got to the end of your post, I was thinking I bet he's a heavy weed smoker. And so it proved

The reason why is that I knew a bloke at university who was almost exactly the same, but it got so bad he had regular severe panic attacks, was convinced he was going to die, and eventually after a huge amount of being bounced from doctor to doctor got referred to a psych ward.

15 years on, and he's never been able to hold down a job, but is still smoking the dope and refusing to accept that might have something to do with it.

It doesn't sound like your DP is anything like as bad, but like most of the others, I agree that he really needs to address his drug use.

Its clear imo, its a direct result of him smoking.