Thinking of resigning from Parents Association AIBU?

[clareybear]

Hi my boys recently started local primary school, which is a small school and has had really poor reputation. The teaching at the school is brilliant and the new head fantastic. In March I became joint secreatry of the pa and am also a governor as I feel passionately about making the school better from within and without.
The PA has a list of activities which have been done forever and some that we are introducing, attendance at meetings is really poor and is split between those who genuinely help and those who say they help, but actually just moan.
We have a Facebook group, and every time I post on there I am basically abused in some way or another, other parents have remarked on it - not the moany ones. The previous chair etc say they are there to help but seem to undermine without realising they are doing it.
Yesterday was particularly bad as we have changed a policy of just giving £100 to each class each year regardless of if they need it due to lack of audit trail and the fact it means we have to raise £800 before we can do anything else. I have a thick skin, but it is now getting to me and I am close to jumping, the only thing that's stopping me is that my boys are jut starting in the school and I want be involved in some way. If my boys went through this I would be talking to the school about bullying.
I work full time so don't get to meet the parents very often and even the fact that I got my company to donate £2000 and 30 people to come and do work as a community project was criticised. I am not in it for praise, but I am surely not in it for abuse either.
AIBU? please forgive typos. Or grammar

Just stuck with the governors. :)

You can achieve way more there, and there's none of the bitchyness.

The money PTAs raise is such a tiny fraction of the school budget. It's a lot of stress for very small return.

I agree with Indigo. PTAs are shocking things. My DDs is very active which is great, it is constantly criticised though. People who moan are the very ones who fail to fully support anything and wouldn't be happy no matter what.

Wow, there's some pretty bitter people about if they can criticise you for that sort of thing. Is there any chance of them giving up after a while of whining that things are different? Or of more supportive people coming along? It might be worth sticking it out for a bit to see if anything changes, but if not I would just stick to being a governor to be honest.

Why does a PTA need a FB page?
Does the school have electronic communication with home (if not,why not?) - make the PTA part of that instead.

sounds like you've got a lot of left over, unresolved issues being aimed your way, inadvertantly. Six years ago ours was a failing school, now it is over subscribed. There's that level of negativity still in the older years in the school, but as each of those years goes, it gets better!

In these times, the money raised by the PTA can help make a difference. We've directed our fundraising this year to make up the decrease the school if facing in the amount it can spend on school trips. Not a huge drop, but enough to mean that the children would have gone on one less school trip next year if we hadn't done this.

The PTA is about more than that though, it is about building a school community. It sounds like your school severely lacks a school spirit at the moment.

People forget that you're volunteers a lot of the time - this isn't your job, and you're not being paid for it. They seem to think that you're a role within the school much the same as the other support services, not an external attachment to the school.

Personally, I wouldn't try to do both governors and such an active role in the PTA. It is a LOT of work. I was chair on the PTA, now I'm a parent governor, and there's no way I could combine the two. I'm taking a big step back from the PTA.

First start being political and canvassing to see which parents are : a) with you in changing things, b) against you for whatever reason, c) apathetic (but probably prefer no outright bitchiness).
Then, I would get rid of the facebook page.
Try to get some Dads involved, but certainly make sure you have some business people.
Then making sure you have enough support, just have one meeting when you change things. Vote against the £100 per class issue. Make sure all the key offices are held by people with the same ideas. make sure that everyone who attends a meeting actually has a job afterwards (gathering prizes for a raffle, finding out about a drinks license, finding out what the school would liked changed gathering volunteers to man stalls etc.), no one just there to moan.
Encourage everyone to be involved in some way, and make some fund raising events mainly for fun.

Thanks for all the messages everyone, about the dads and business people, completely agree, although I am a business person which I think is part of the problem. Think the governors route is the way to go.
Really appreciate the supportive responses!

You are doing quite a lot. I reckon you should ditch the PTA and keep with the governors. You will be able to do a lot of good, without Comte bitchyness.

Stick with the governors I agree. Ditch the PTA.

We have a very strong PTA and I used to help out non stop. The PTA now has a new chair who has her own specific agenda. Shes not PC in any shape or form and harasses the parents non stop. She has raised a heap of money but we are all exhausted with her tireless fundraising. I find it so expensive and fiddly too.

Easier to change things from within, but if things are this stressful, might be time to take a backseat. Put your own family first, if this is causing stress within your family, then ditch it. That said, we have an excellent chair on our PTA, and we achieve great things for the school, but with that comes respect from the whole school community. Don't know that there is an easy answer, listen to your gut feeling and best wishes.

I left PTA for exactly this reason, and switched to governors. Much nicer atmosphere. Life's too short to get slagged off for trying your best.

RELAX
EVERY school is a ferment of pissed off people by the end of the summer term
take a six week break and come back fresh in September
by the time you are 10 years in you'll learn to accidentally miss meetings in the last three weeks of the summer term
its the best way
:-)

My dil has been chair of the PTA this year. The school secretary told her being chair of the PTA is a poisoned chalice! I think the problems you face are the same everywhere.
Being a Governor is hard enough in itself. I'd stick with that if I were you.

Stick with the governors and possibly once you are established on the governing body you can raise the issue of the PTA there. Having a Facebook page for the PTA where abusive postings are allowed seems a stupid idea and maybe the school should be considering what this does for their image in the wider community. PTA's do have some accountability to the school management team, which includes the governing body.

Thanks all totally agree with all the comments re FaceBook group, the head is already talking about asking us to close it down and he will get no disagreement from me.

People should be thanked for giving their time and doing their best. Of course some mistakes are going to be made by people not experienced/not trained properly, but it shouldn't stop people being thanked for putting the effort in when 99% of the schools parents don't bother.

IME people are quick to point the finger but not quick to offer to help themselves. Also have met control freaks on the PTA who want things done a certain way and are most unappreciative if people have different ideas/way of doing things.

I wouldn't mind helping out more than I do, but want to stay in the background when I see the politics involved. When you hear them bitching about others you just know that they would be doing it about you too. Just not worth getting involved.

OTOH my sisters PTA seem lovely and supportive - maybe i am unaware of similar politics going on there.

Talkinpeace2 your advice is sound and I wish this was only in the last 3 weeks, it has been going on from the day they voted the new exec in, even trying to thank the outgoing pa for their time got snotty comments back...