to not get my dd to lie?

[Markingmyplace]

My dd is going into y3, and is changing school. She is very excited about going, not sad about leaving old friends, as is saying that she'll still be friends, and will still get to play at each others houses etc.

One of her friend's parents have asked me to tell my dd not to say anything or let her dd not be aware she's leaving as she's not sure how she will take it.

I said I can't make my dd feel that this is a bad thing, as I'm working on it being a positive feeling. I have spoken to dd, that her friends may feel sad she's leaving.

But AIBU by not telling my dd not to mention it at all to friends?

No. She has every right to tell her friends shes leaving. When was your friend planning on letting her dd know? After she'd gone?

YANBU. The other parents ABVU. It is their responsibility to prepare and help their DD if she might feel upset. It is your responsibility to try and get your DD to act sensitively but that does not include lying.

YANBU

At my dc school the schools always organise a little presentation with a card signed by the class and a little gift in front of the class. Tell your friend that the school may do this, and wouldn't she rather she'd told her dd at home rather it comes as a shock like that.

Glad I'm NBU.

Noqontrol - seemed to be implying after the holiday.

DeWe that's a good way of pointing out to parent without being directly confrontational.

YANBU. Maybe the mum should tell her dd herself if she is worried. Her dd is not the priority in this situation. Your dd has to feel safe and happy with what is going to happen. Telling lies suggests that there is something terrible about leaving.

YANBU, children cope very well with change as long as they are informed beforehand.

what a silly woman she is. don't go along with that deceit. let your dd say what she wants.

YANBU at all! I think you have dealt with it really well.

My daughter's friend was taken out of the school at the end of Y2 when the family moved at short notice. My daughter had no idea until she got back to school in the September. It took her a long time to get over it. Cruel not to let the child know.

My dd said to me that a girl from her class was moving but not to tell x coz they are best friends. I thought this v weird. Id let your child tell whoever they want. Its probably best to tell the other child so they know whats happening.

What an odd point of view. So the friend will be less upset going back to school and finding out her friend isn't there?

YANBU.

YANBU at all. Why should she expect a small child not to mention it? It's unrealistic.

Is she planning on keeping her DD away from yours all holiday? :(

No nagoo, that makes it even harder as the mother is planning lots with the girls together over the holidays.

Very unreasonable of the other mother. I like DeWe's point.

And also make sure your DD does know that some of her friends may be upset. My daughter's best friend moved to Australia a couple of years ago. DD was, understandably very upset for a while. Her BF was so full of the excitement that she didn't seem to "get" why DD was sobbing all over her the last time they saw her. Which mad it harder for DD .

CHildren do need to go through the emotions of these times. But they will adjust very quickly if they are kept informed and understand what's going on.