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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding at 1.30pm, meal at 6pm. Standing around for 4 hours!

77 replies

YokoOhNo · 19/07/2012 13:05

I went to a wedding last week. Lovely country house venue, everything under one roof. The ceremony was at 1.30pm. By 1.50pm, it was finished and we were in a room milling around. And then we had to wait around until 6pm when everyone was supposed to go into dinner, but it was nearer 6.30pm. It was pissing down outside and there was nowhere to go. We did chat with lots of nice people, but there was literally nothing at all to do but drink all afternoon. And at £14.50 for two G&Ts from the bar, that was limited too!

AIBU that maybe it would have been better to get married at 4pm in that case? Or provide entertainment or something?

OP posts:
Ephiny · 19/07/2012 14:52

I wouldn't have minded not eating until 6, as given the timing I would probably have eaten lunch before arriving. Standing around for 4 hours sounds very tedious though!

headfairy · 19/07/2012 14:58

My sister did something similar for her wedding. Ceremony at 1pm at a registry office then off to a restaurant by the river for reception. A lovely venue and really nice weather considering it was quite early spring, but it was hours until we sat down (we ate around 6pm I think) and there was unlimited champagne in that time so on empty stomachs everyone got completely rat arsed. By 8pm my hangover was kicking in, and two people got so drunk they had a fight and started throwing punches. The police were eventually called Shock

Mind you, she was foolish with a capital F, she had an open bar all evening too and they nearly fainted when they got the bill. Someone had spent all night ordering whiskeys at £18 a pop

LineRunner · 19/07/2012 15:04

The last wedding I went to, I just went to the church ceremony. Can't be arsed with all the rest. Sent apologies well in advance, so hopefully saved them a few quid as well.

The church service was at 12 noon, the reception at 6pm...

And I think if you're held captive in an expensive hotel with a rip-off bar, it's just awful. (I'd have tried to escape to a pub with a pool table.)

LapisBlue · 19/07/2012 15:08

Oooh OP, this makes me a bit cross - I'm a wedding planner and this would NOT have happened under my watch.

My job is to help couples plan their wedding so that everyone is happy, including friends, family, guests, everyone. So...a timetable (yes, I know - very J. Lopez) would have ensured reasonable timings, including space for photographs etc.

A magician (fab!) or a caricaturist or even some lively music would have kept things going. Oh and canapes for ALL. I love a canape.

Mind you, some venues are very very inflexible in their timings (and often loftily say to me "oooooo we don't work with wedding planners". OK then, screw things up all by yourselves, then.

evenkeel · 19/07/2012 15:19

I was in America recently and got slightly addicted to their version of that programme where the bridezillas brides-to-be go to each other's weddings and then mark them. The one striking thing was the huge amount of food most of them had - even if there was a gap of only an hour or so, they seemed to serve some form of canapes in the downtime between ceremony and formal meal.

What I don't get is their weird insistence on serving mashed potato in champagne glasses Hmm, but that's another story.

OP, YANBU!

LapisBlue · 19/07/2012 15:26

We've got it in the UK, too, evenkeel. I was asked recently to go on it but having seen how nasty it is, I politely declined...

headfairy · 19/07/2012 15:31

I watch that programme evenkeel, what's with cocktail hour? I never see anyone having any cocktails, but eating basically a meal before their meal Shock

MissFaversam · 19/07/2012 15:46

YANBU

How bloody boring.

Can't be doing with these sorts of weddings, costs an arm and a leg to go to, astronomical bar prices and standing around for hours.

Mine would be properly times and "free"

MissFaversam · 19/07/2012 15:46

"timed"

evenkeel · 19/07/2012 15:56

Harking back to the wedding prog, I know there's a UK version but the American one seemed even more riveting, somehow!

headfairy · 19/07/2012 16:18

they're much less bitchy on the American version evenkeel, don't you think? Or maybe they're just a bit more subtle with their bitchiness :o

Original poster
YokoOhNo · 19/07/2012 16:33

rubygrace - maybe we were at the same wedding. Yikes. Im a bit scared of outing myself so wont give any more hints about the venue Wink.

OP posts:
YouOldSlag · 19/07/2012 16:50

but ephiny- it's hard to have a substantial lunch that sets you up for that long. If the wedding is at 1.30pm, you wouldn't be able to eat lunch before about 12.30, then you've still got 5 and a half hours with only drinks and no food.

Like I said in my earlier post, my DH is diabetic and would have got very light headed and grumpy before then.

Also OP, I agree you should stamp your foot with the hotel. I did with mine. They were offering a very average sit down meal for £35 excluding wine and I said no, please do me a hot buffet for £20 a head. They mumbled a bit but complied because a big wedding on their premises is better than no wedding on their premises!

Nervousfirsttimer · 19/07/2012 16:54

Weddings like this are just shit and make you wish you'd not bothered! We didn't get married until 330 as I didn't want people hanging round all day, ate at 530 and still had canapés and drinks to keep people entertained in between. I don't know why people want to invite 'guests' to weddings and then don't treat them as such. Would you invite someone round to your house and not offer them a drink or food of they were there for four hours? No!!!

NettoSuperstar · 19/07/2012 16:59

Apparently my Brother's wedding was like this, except the guests had to go outside and it was freezing.
I enjoyed hearing the few guests complain about it, since he didn't invite me anyway.
Can't admit to one's friends your sister is a single parent on benefits, can one.

Ephiny · 19/07/2012 17:03

Yes it is slightly awkward timing, they might have been better having the ceremony a bit earlier followed by lunch (this is what we did), or just starting later in the afternoon. I wouldn't like to think of my guests standing around bored and possibly hungry for hours.

ViviPru · 19/07/2012 18:07

One of my biggest concerns is that our guests sense any kind of lull or god forbid get bored at our wedding. I'd be mortified.

Our ceremony will finish at about 2.45-3ish then we've got an acoustic duo playing for a couple of hours while Pimm's and (plentiful) canapes are served. During that time we'll have a few group shots, 30mins max, then rejoin the guests for lawn games and general gadding about before sitting down to eat at about 5.30. We've also got a stable on standby where the music and games will be in case it rains.

I'm putting these timings on the invitations and also suggesting some nice places where people can grab a snack locally if they want before the ceremony at 2.

Cloudbase · 19/07/2012 18:18

If it was a country house setting, perhaps you were all supposed to 'retire to your rooms' a la Madonna at Skibo?

arthurfowlersallotment · 19/07/2012 19:14

For occasions such as this, the Irish tradition is to smuggle a bottle of spirits in your handbag. Or designate a hotel room with a cold bath full of beer cans.

Irish weddings are fun.

sighs with nostalgia for the old country

SarahinOxford · 19/07/2012 19:24

We got married at 12, soup & sandwiches for lunch at 1.30 then (we'd hired a castle overnight) everyone went off for naps/walks /drinks by the fire etc until dinner. My family is ancient & it was a small wedding - I think at least half the guests had naps!

So by dinner at 7, everyone was in great form. Smile

otchayaniye · 19/07/2012 19:29

this is dreadfully common, in both senses of the words.

I can't fathom where in the world people learn that true hospitality can encompass a heartfelt celebration to which you have a two-tier invitation system. Oh, but i expect you are good enough to be sent a wedding list.

grasping, showoff, vulgar. urgh, i shudder to think of it.

I've made my excuses to the two weddings i've been invited to that did this. I'm supposed to fuck about some town in my friperies and sit in a fucking pub for hours until i'm allowed to celebrate? how, erm, wonderful.

And no one, but no one remembers a lavish wedding lunch with misty eyes. cut your cloth accordingly and invite people with your heart.

londonone · 19/07/2012 19:38

Vivi - 2.5 hours is still rather long for a drinks reception! If it rains there will be no lawn games and gadding about, just bear that in mind!

bogeyface · 19/07/2012 19:41

I agree with Londonone. You will be having a fab time flitting between your guests, you will be very busy. But your guests wont! I would try and keep it to an hour and then allow half an hour for seating people for dinner.

RuleBritannia · 19/07/2012 19:43

It's possible that the rugby boys who ate all the canapes didn't know that more would not be brought out.

bogeyface · 19/07/2012 19:43

I was just thinking that if you ceremony finishes at 3 and you plan to start seating people at 4:30 then the meal will be served at about 5ish, which is not too early for dinner, it'll be a couple of hours by the time everyone has eaten and you have had speeches etc.