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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with my snooty friend

64 replies

SarahLawrence · 19/07/2012 11:10

Ok ok, i know you will all say i AM being unreasonable but here goes. It's my friend's daughter's 2nd birthday party on saturday and when we were told about it at the last minute we had already commited to another birthday party and we are going up to stay with friends in London afterwards, so this extra party was going to be a real hassle. But I felt I should go, so my husband is going to drop me off at my friend's party with DS 2.5, then my husband is going to take my other DS (5) to his party and drive up to london. I will then get the train up straight from our party and meet him there.

I relayed all that to my friend and asked if someone might be able to drop me at the train station after her daughter's party so we could go up to London. She said her husband will have been drinking, so I replied saying don't worry, I will see if someone else can drop me or we can get a cab, or we could always walk (about 1/2 hour). She replied saying I assume you are bringing your car seat then? Er no, I can't possibly take a massive toddler car seat, a 2.5 year old and a buggy on the train by myself, but it's only five minutes in the car so he can just sit in the back next to me with a seatbelt on. Her reply to that was "I would certainly not give you a lift without a car seat and nor would anyone at the party so you had better bring the buggy and walk."
Yes thank you, very helpful. Of course I know I shouldn't just strap him in the back, but it's five minutes, he's not a baby and it's a one off, I don't have many other options. I know it's not the safest way to go etc etc, but it just felt like such a snide dig when I'm breaking my neck to get to her kid's stupid party that frankly I feel like saying don't worry, we can't come.
Yes. I know, I am probably being unreasonable!!

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 19/07/2012 12:12

I would not go.

You had a prior engagement, you should have declined, instead of giving yourself and other people headaches over your attendance. It seems like you are trying to show off what EFFORT and lengths you are going to, to be at that party. It will not be appreciated, you make yourself sound like a tit.

Why on earth is her husband going to be drunk at his 2 year olds birthday party?

msrantsalot · 19/07/2012 12:12

www.lawontheweb.co.uk/Road_Traffic_Law/Seat_Belts

DublinMammy · 19/07/2012 12:13

Agree with Imperial and Jenner. Don't go, explain using their suggestions and go with your husband. Much easier all round and frankly, if she thinks you are not going as you are offended by her comments, she sounds like an even worse friend that I already think she must be to be making such a palaver out of dropping you to the station....

WhereYouLeftIt · 19/07/2012 12:14

"But if I decline the invitation now it will look like it's because I'm annoyed at her comment."
No, it will look as if you have taken her comment on board, rethought the logistics and decided it was infeasible. That would be my story, anyway.

TBH, you are going to a lot of trouble here, and I really don't think the situation merits it. Her DD will not be inconsolable if you don't go. You had a previous commitment, it is a considerable amount of trouble to accommodate this party, just tell her you have reconsidered as she is right, the transport issue is too problematic and you have decided to revert to your previous plans of going to London as a family and not two units. (And frankly, it will save the expense of train tickets.)

JennerOSity · 19/07/2012 12:14

You don't have to be bladdered/drunk to be over the limit to drive, in fact being over the limit would hardly even get you tipsy. Lets not over-read, just for the sake of it, into that.

LeanderBear · 19/07/2012 12:18

YABU. (sorry, but you knew it was coming Smile )

but I wouldn't go to the party myself as it would be too much racing around with a tired out DC. You had already committed to the other party and on reflection can not make her party. The DC's will not care one hoot and you can placate the Mum with an offer of getting together to hand over a pressie and a bit of cake or whatever at a later date.

I wouldn't give a lift with no car seat as I would be worried about getting points on my licence.

StealthPolarBear · 19/07/2012 12:20

Not sure what you're referring to Jenner, mo one is suggesting drink driving!

QuintessentialShadows · 19/07/2012 12:22

I think Jenner is responding to me?

pictish · 19/07/2012 12:23

As an asides, I have had the old el vino at my kid's birthday parties...and so what?

StealthPolarBear · 19/07/2012 12:25

I thought it was legal to do a one off journey without car seat (not condoning it, just response to the comments about fines and points). Could be wrong

StealthPolarBear · 19/07/2012 12:25

Oh isee now thanks

arthurfowlersallotment · 19/07/2012 12:26

Ah don't bother. There will be plenty more birthday parties.

Legally, unless it's a taxi/public transport, the driver is responsible for all passengers under 14.

pacificjade · 19/07/2012 12:26

I think Jenner was making reference to the fact that several posters had expressed shock at the husband being 'drunk/bladdered' when all the OP had said was he could not drive as he would be having a drink.

I was a bit bemused by those comments too, as I thought it's perfectly reasonable to have a glass or two of something to celebrate your childs birthday, without becoming drunk!

lunchbox · 19/07/2012 12:27

She may not have said it in the nicest possible way, but your child needs to be in a car seat, even for a short journey.

BupcakesandCunting · 19/07/2012 12:27

Bloody hell. Blush

It will come as no surprise to MNers who know me that I was blotto at DS's last birthday party.

quoteunquote · 19/07/2012 12:34

I would of thought most hosts, would on a guest ringing to enquire about travel arrangements , try to come up with helpful suggestions as to negotiate problem,

your friend could of suggested:

a local taxi firm, and booked it for you,

or borrowing a car seat from one of the other guests,

or arranged another guest to give you a lift,

or waited to have drink, until after they had given you a lift,

or found out about local bus times,

your friend is not a good host, I hope she is a better friend.

you could just send a present, and card, and arrange a meet up for a child picnic at a later date,

then you could have a stress free day with your family.

helenthemadex · 19/07/2012 12:35

she is being patronising and unhelpful, I would do as others suggested and just say you have a prior commitment, thought you could do it but on reflection and due to her snotty attitude its just to much for ds

claudedebussy · 19/07/2012 12:37

i would give the party a miss. too much hassle.

but i don't think she's snooty. she's concerned about your child's safety.

WhereYouLeftIt · 19/07/2012 12:37

From the other side of the coin though -

My friend has told me they are going on to London after my child's party, so I am aware that they will be getting on a train. She asks if she could get a lift to the station, a five minute drive; otherwise I know it is a 30-minute walk.

I do not offer to take her myself, with her DS in my child's carseat, but instead deflect by saying that my husband will have had a drink (so take that as a no, friend).

Yes, I am a bit of a cow, and not much of a friend. Would it kill me to delay having a drink until I had spent 10-15 minutes getting my friend to the station, and back? No, but I cannot be arsed.

LeanderBear · 19/07/2012 12:38

Drinking at DC's parties is perfectly ok with me, they are meant to be a fun family and friends get togethers.Grin.

DC's dancing to embarrassing parents singing over the karaoke. Isn't that whats meant to happen Wink

No drink driving obviously.

StealthPolarBear · 19/07/2012 12:40

that was not the case when car seat law came in - ou were exempt for short, unplanned journeys (know this is planned but how would they prove it)

catus · 19/07/2012 12:44

Don't go to that party. It looks much more hassle than a 2 yo's birthday party is worth.
Just say no.

Viviennemary · 19/07/2012 12:44

I agree that somebody at the party would have a car seat. But since you are making a big effort to attend and she is being so unhelpful, I'd be inclined to say terribly sorry but can't make the party after all. Realised when you thought it through that arragements were more diffiuclt than you thought.

GoodHeavensNo · 19/07/2012 12:46

Steath I think the child has to be aged 3+ to legally go without a car seat for short unplanned journeys. Under 3 they have to have a car seat, unless they're in a taxi.

JennerOSity · 19/07/2012 12:48

PacificJade was right. I wasn't responding to any particular person, but read at least two posts of people remarking on host/host husband/guests getting drunk (or similar) at the party when the host had just said the dh couldn't drive as having a drink.

So I was just saying that not being able to drive doesn't equate to getting smashed or even close to smashed. It just seemed to be one of those posts which muddy the waters and isn't actually relevant.

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