To buy house at expense of freedom?

[ivanapoo]

Potentially more of a WWYD.

After more than a year of searching and viewing more than 100 houses, DH and I finally found one and our offer was accepted (we had attempted to purchase several times before but our offers were improved upon due to more £ or better circumstances). It was right at the top - ok, just above - the budget we set ourselves.

About the same time we found out I was pregnant - first kid - and I'm now at 19 weeks.

I'm not sure whether I want to be a SAHM or not (planning to take at least 9 months mat leave) but buying this house would rule out me staying at home longer term and I would probably go back to work 3/4 days a week. I like my job and am paid ok but I don't love it.

This was all triggered by a conversation i.e. argument over DH's job. He doesn't like it, it's not badly paid (a tiny bit less than my job) but not enough to cover living costs with new mortgage and the commute is just over an hour.

If we bought a much cheaper, not as nice house it would give us the freedom either for me to not work for a bit or DH to not work for a bit/get a lower paid but more fulfilling job closer to home.

But then we really, really like this house... and I worry in a smaller place we'd get frustrated and want to move again in a few years anyway. We didn't make any money selling our flat so it's not like a house would be a great investment either. We've spent a few grand on solicitors etc already.

We live in a v expensive place and the house we're looking to buy is a terrace in a just about ok area so it's not like we're moving into a mansion or anything...

I don't know anyone else in a similar situation that I can talk to - friends seem to be minted and/or have really lovely flexible jobs.

The timing of your DJ's argument is a bit telling. Sounds like he's panicking about being trapped in work he dislikes, with the ties of mortgage and baby.

I think you really need to have a long chat with him about all of this, and work out a compromise that he is comfortable with.

Also, I think it's impossible to plan whether or not you'll return to work. It depends on how you react to motherhood. Loads of mums can't bear to return and want to stay home; others can't bear the monotony of the early years and can't wait to get back to adult company and clothes that smell nice. If it's possible, try to work out a house move which would work, whichever decision you make.

DH, not DJ, obv!

Quality of life and time spent at home is more important than a property, even if you do like it a lot. I'd say stick with the flexibility of a not so nice place. We've limited our housing to spend more time at home and it's been very much worth it.

Tis up to you at the end of the day though.

My gut says go for the smaller cheaper option. Give yourself some wriggle room, the next few years will be hard enough work.

You've viewed 100 houses to find one you really, really like - you'll view another 200 to find one not as nice but cheaper

Stick with what you have, if you're happy there you'll make it work. It sounds like you're both having a minor wobble, but that's normal really with a pg and lots of change going on.

My advice would be to take the cheaper option - theextra stress of keeping a very nice roof over your head is not worth it. Happy family in a smaller house trumps big mortgage and stress.

You need to sit down and have a big heart to heart about the future.

I know what you mean holeySchmoley, but the details the OP has mentioned don't add up towards a happy life. DH in job he hates that doesn't quite cover the mortgage on a house that is an hour's commute from home each way, while OP is tired and ratty tied to a newborn. That's too many pressure heaped on them. Marriages crack under this sort of stress.

Realistically, if you can avoid some of that combination - especially the money worries, then it would be wise to at this stage. I don't think house prices are going to climb any time soon. We haven't even dipped our toes into this recession yet. I'd go for a much cheaper interim house that allows OP and her DH more flexibility. Then, if you are back at work and he's a househusband, with part time work, you could probably afford something bigger and nicer even than the one you've just found.

House prices aren't going anywhere but down (unless you're in central London), if I were you I'd rent something smaller for a couple of years. That way you'd have loads of flexibility to see how you felt about work once your baby is old enough, your DH would have chance to make career decisions/changes and get settled doing something he enjoys and you'd be in a much stronger position once you did decide to buy.
In my limited experience, if you can't find a house you like it's because you don't really know what/where you want to be yet. Of course the more expensive house is perfect, it's probably bigger/nicer/better area than anything else you've seen because previously you were looking within your price bracket. Trust me, large mortgage + DH unhappy at work + baby = marital disharmony.

I would look for a cheaper option. Or could you stay where you are until you've had your baby and work out if you want to go back to work? Have you checked out how childcare will effect your finances if you do go back?

I would also go with cheaper + more flexibility. It would also be better if (god forbid) one of you lost your job.

We have lived in small flats since DS was born, yes sometimes I wish we had something a bit bigger but I would not actually trade up -- it's enabled us to take turns working and being SAHP, to live close to work, and just generally have a nice work/life balance.

If it's just the two of you and one baby you really don't need much room. It's only been since DS turned 2 that I sometimes wish for a bit more space, but living near a big park mostly corrects for that.

Sounds like you can't really afford this house.
When interest rates go up - which they WILL in the next couple of years you could be in trouble.

Can you keep renting for a while? Prices probably will be stagnant for a long time so getting stuck in something too small could be a problem. But if you do buy the big house I'd be assuming both your and dh's earnings should be increasing over time.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
We've been in your situation, and we played it safe for a few years in a "just slightly too small but bearable if we got out and about everyday" flat. It was OK, the kids were at nursery, we both worked in jobs we liked, and we saved up to make the move to a bigger place when it all started to feel too cramped.

It was OK - bricks and mortar don't mean all that much, and I'd advise you to stay well within your comfort zone financially speaking. Interest rates are going to go up over the next few years, as a PP has said, and you may be thinking about #2 in three years time, who knows?

Stay put for now. It is NOT the time to gamble on property, especially with the volatile personal variables you have. By volatile, I mean the SAHM choice/commute/tight budget.

Play it safe for now, my love. Do you mind my asking how old you are? This is not so I can patronise you! It's so I can get some idea of how long you've got to work on a bigger place etc etc.....

We've been where were you are now and opted for the cheaper house (we went for not so nice area). Although I ended up going back to work after I had the baby it was nice to have the option not to and to feel we weren't watching every penny during maternity leave.

In the current climate I think it's even more important not to overstretch yoruselves. Even leaving aside DH hating his job, what are the chances of one (or both) or you being made redundant. I've also seen good friends stretch to buy a house to end up in negative equity and no way out - not something I would wish on anyone.

If things go well you still have the option to move in a few years, maybe with some savings.

Are you finding this feedback helpful, OP?
I know exactly how you're feeling, and I feel like a right killjoy telling you to play safe, but I'm glad we did......and I'm a financial idiot! It's thanks to DP's tightwad tendencies "carefulness" that we've finally upgraded to a 3-bed house. The hike in mortgage wasn't that huge because we'd paid off quite a bit of principle in the five years we lived in our flat.
Left up to me we'd have gone down the interest-only route with nary a thought for the future...."tra la la la la.....oh, we're homeless and pushing 70...."

actually, I answered your OP in terms of 'buy this house/buy another house'. I think renting for another couple of years would do no harm - especially if you could put a wee bit of money away while you're doing it. Even £50 a month adds up to a chunk of deposit.

We were in a similar position to you. Looking to move house, found one, put in offer then found out I was expecting. First month of trying in mid 30s so not expected. TBH I thought it would take months to get there.

Anyway, we kept on with the house purchase and I did go back to work (4 days a week) by the time he was a year. Personally, I found it doable with nursery open 8-6 all year around and DH and I sharing drop-off/pick ups. We were quite good with our finances and chipped away at the mortgage when we had extra money (bonuses etc). Then when DS went to school I became SAHM (never went back after second mat leave). I found childcare for a school age child impossible to sort out with my working hours - couldn't get to afterschool club in time and no CM's available in my area, nannies like golddust.

So, what I am saying, is we bought the better house in the better area and it worked out for us. Also, excellent schools in the area and by getting the better house/area we got the better school - so win/win for us.

Don't automatically consider being a SAHM just when your child is a baby. In my experience, working is easier when they are little but becomes harder as they get older. This is a personal opinion - I am sure I will get flamed by those who are horrified at putting a baby in nursery!

Thanks everyone, yes this feedback is so helpful.

I know it sounds silly but I had The Fear about it a while back, freaked out, then told myself it wasn't THAT much of a stretch and really committed emotionally to the house which has I think only made it harder now to potentially back out.

Houses (decent ones anyway) to rent or buy are gold dust round here at the moment - so quite expensive - and I don't know if I could handle staying in the flat we've currently got (up a very dingy narrow staircase that would be a nightmare to get a buggy up, no parking nearby etc).

But maybe we could look at renting a bit out of town so we can get something bigger. I will be gutted not to get the house but agree I think our proposed set up could put a strain on us - I would have to do all drop offs, pick ups etc myself while DH is in this job but we couldn't really afford for him to leave as there are no equally paid jobs in our city for him it seems.

Will definitely be buying a lottery ticket this weekend!

Just to endorse the comments about interest rates. This is a bad time to get tied to a mortgage that you can only just afford, unless you can be certain that your circumstances are going to improve. It doesn't sound as if yours will.

First of all congratulations on your pregnanc! I think you are very wise to reconsider your finances at the moment. You won't know how you feel about work until well after the baby has arrived. I think its best to keep things as flexible as possible until you both are more sure about work and family life.

All the best to you.