To have been so hard on him?

[NoWayNoHow]

DS is 4.9, and I fear I may have just tipped him over the edge!

Basically, at pre-school, all the feedback I get is what a lovely, kind, helpful child he is, if not a little bit hyper. However, the second I fetch him, all I get is relentless moaning and whining. I don't know why he's only like this with us, but after 5 mins non stop whingeing and fake crying today (about not going the way home he wanted, not going for some tea and cake, not having Buttons at home, not having my wallet with me) I just snapped!

When we got home, I sat him down and explained to him that he is LUCKY. I told him about all the children in the world who don't have food, water, clothes, a roof over their head, the chance to go to school.

But this is where I think I went too far... I told him that he was lucky, as some children don't have mummies or daddies anymore, and he was HYSTERICAL.

He was literally sobbing and snotting and clinging onto me for dear life and when I managed to get out of him why he was so upset, he spluttered that he was very sad for all the little children whose mummies and daddies were dead!

I tried to comfort him as best I could, and told him that being sad for others made him a kind little boy, and he seems okay now, but WIBU to bring up what are probably quite adult ideas about a not-so-nice world? My heart breaks thinking of how upset he was, and I'm worried I've mentally scarred him for life!

U did go a little overboard with the mummies and daddies bit. BUT that relentless whining and whinging and begging for food is enough to make anyone go a bit crazy and I have to admit using the " sone kids dont get this much food in a week let alone one snack" approach myself.

Tomorrow is a new day try not to be to hard on yourself kids r programmed to annoy us as much as posdie and we are only human we loose it sometimes :(

Chill!!!

so many children are like this after school you would not believe it. He is tired, and hungry, and is probably expending a lot of emotional and psychological energy being "good" at nursery. So when he sees you, the person who he loves and is secure with, he lets it all out.

YWBU, but I won't berate you, because I do know how, when you are looking forward to seeing your DC, and they are 'orrible, it is frustrating. Especially when they do it in front of other people, which they often do.

But remember how little he is, and cut him some slack. You haven't scarred him for life.

Next time, feed first, smile, take deep breaths, get him away as quickly as possible.

"I don't know why he is only like this with us". It's not to punish you, I tell you that, and it's not to piss you off. It's because he's secure with you. It's the ways round it should be.

Thank you for being lovely with me - TBH, I knew IWBU but the moaning is just driving me and DH to distraction. It's good to know WHY he does it, even if it's so exhausting. He just behaves in a quite a spoilt way sometimes when we really do not spoil him!

The whole "treats" thing that he harps on about relentlessly when I fetch him gets to me the most, as he only finishes eating tea about 20mins before I fetch him, so it's hardly like he's starving.

He'll say he's hungry, and then ask for a biscuit/pack of buttons/something else highly unlikely to sate any hunger, and sometimes I just feel like he needs to appreciate that we're not made of money, and that even if we were, we wouldn't be at Starbucks every afternoon just because he wants a cake! I guess I just want him to know that these kinds of things aren't, and shouldn't be, the norm, and that he needs to be happy when they happen rather than expect them to happen.

Anyway, I'll try not to beat myself up about it -he's gone to bed with us still friends, and all I've asked of him in future is that if he's about to have a moan about something that he should stop, think about the way he speaks, and remember that he's a lucky boy. He seems to get that a bit more than ramming dying parents down his throat so hopefully there'll be a slight improvement.

I still constantly tell my five yr old the same thing :( honestly u would think she's not ever fed the way she asks for snacks all the time sometimes it's like less than an hour after breakfast it gets ridiculous and u really r not alone!!!!

I think you are totally right about the treats, and why, but try not to get into a debate at the time.

Definitely don't beat yourself up. He sounds fine. And it's really good that you don't give in - loads of people totally avoid the moaning by giving in, so you are doing well.

No definitely not alone - my 3yr old does the same. Starts asking for snack at about 9.30 on my 'at home' days (starts by requesting chocolate biscuits and ice lollies, ends up asking for fruit)

And on nursery days she starts on in the car on the way home, starts her 1yr old sister off, so by the time I get home, fraught from a day at work I have 2 of them wailing and crying for biscuits. I admit I have probably made it worse for myself by giving in on occasion just for peace and quiet! I have not yet lectured them on poverty and starving children in Africa but I sense it could happen :/

I do try to remember that they are but very small people though :)

LOL - don't worry yourself over it. Sometimes they just need to be told. That constant whining is very very tiresome!! In future just saying 'think before you whine' might remind him! or not

waterwater - would it really be a problem to take a carton of juice/bottle of water/milk and a biscuit/fruit/cheese for when you pick them up? Would it spoil their tea? I don't think they get a lot of food at nursery and not anything that close to pick up time, they are probably very tired and a bit hungry - is it worth the battle or your sanity?

DD always says she is hungry as soon as I collect her from nursery. Even when she has only just finished tea there. I now have a snack in the car for her - an oat bar or fruit bar. No sweets or anything she really considers to be a treat. Occasionally she tries whining for something else but she knows I have nothing else. Most days I leave my purse at home when I collect her so she knows there is no point asking to go to a shop for sweets. I find this makes the journey home less of a whinge-fest.

Chipping - I'm more than happy for them to have fruit/drinks/bread etc but unfortunately its ice lollies and biscuits they whine for :/

They will eat the bread/fruit/cheese and STILL bang on about biscuits relentlessly until I'm sitting in a corner rocking (or on one occasion throwing my secret stash of Jaffa cakes at them while shouting "just have them all!!!)

Diversion and threats of putting them in the bin is the only thing that works

But sometimes when you want a biscuit, fruit/bread just won't do! I think you can go a bit overboard with the healthy eating thing to be honest. After a long tiring day at school/nursery I would want a biscuit! As long as they eat a balanced diet and it's not every day I don't see the problem.

I too want a biscuit after work but I have to eat them with my head in the cupboard

I'm no health obsessive and totally agree that balance is the key. However I have learned that 1 biscuit only leads to more whining for 'another biscuit' and then another. Now again, I fully understand this as, IMO, quite frankly one Jaffa Cake simply will not do. But you understand I have to draw a line when it comes to a 1 and 3 yr old!

They are insanely persistent so it is better simply not to give in to the whining and only provide biscuits at a time when they are not begging/crying for one.

waterwater - Oh. I see. Hmm.... drugs it is then! For you, not them! Could you take them a couple of biscuits each and tell them (well the 3 year old really) you can have a couple of biscuits when I pick you up, but that's it and if there is any moaning or complaining there wont be any tomorrow, if you are good there will be?

If not or and know that this too shall pass.

I have a DS who will be 5 in October, who does exactly the same thing when I collect him from nursery. I figure he is tired from being at nursery all day, that makes him grumpy anyway, plus kids have to push boundaries, and they tend to push them with people they feel safest with - not always the easiest thing to hear when you are stressed and tired, sorry!
I just tell him I can't understand when he whines, and if he demands anything, it automatically means he doesn't get it. Soon stops it!

I don't think you have scarred him for life, we all say things to kids that we wish in hindsight that we hadn't but they get over it - we all did!!!

Why don't you take a little treat like a packet of raisins or something in anticipation?

I would always rather avoid a fight like that than have to deal with it.

you'r Opmade me laugh I dont think you went over board one little bit, he reacted badly because he was tired and fed up and probably being a little molodramatic, my dd is very similar. It will have done him no harm. some times the bare facts of life just need to be faced up to, even by the average 4.5 year old .

I know how you feel though, but try not to get to worked up and take it to heart.

When my dd is like this, tend to give a very comical indulging tecnique and she tends to laugh. Oh you poor love, what a terrible mummy, oh you have such a hard life what are we to do...etc etc etc...

I get this with the bastard ice cream van that is always parked outside school on sunny days.
ds-"I want an ice cream!"
me-"Do you have any money?"
him "no"
me"what a shame. Me neither"

Sometimes leads to screaming, but nobody dies.

The more you ignore the constant demands, the more they realise there is no pay off.

I do get an him an ice cream sometimes btw, but when I decide, not when he winges.
I do give him a snack of bread and butter or fruit immediately after school to fend off the hunger.

I put my DD age 6 out side the front door three times tonight for the very same things. She was whinging and hysterical and hadn't even said hello to me. I gave her the chance to enter the house in the correct manner. I did it again, and again, then she got it!! The neighbours got a full volume edition of her upset though!!