To just want to talk...

[flowerpot77]

really, you know not superficial how u doing, how are the kids etc... but really talk and let it all out....

Whats wrong :(

Go on then, you start.......

Me too! Want to talk about what's bothering you?

Meh... nothings wrong as such - well thats an understatment - but I mean generally. we all rush around doing what we need to but sometimes wouldnt it be great to STOP.. stand still and actually talk about "me".

Actually i dont think I am a "me" anymore.... im flowerpot x's mum.. ys wife...
ignore me, I'm just getting a bit tired of the rat race i guess.....

Maybe she ran off with my me?

Sometimes it feels like you're just there for everyone else, I was the 'office assistant', the 'girl who helps out on Saturdays', 'mini dimples mum' 'mr O'Haras wife' but didn't know who ME was, sometimes you just get lost.

I guess thats how i feel... lost. going through an up and down with Dh at mo.. dont know what he wants or where he is coming from all we seem to do is argue - silly little things blow up into all out war... i dunno. I just find it all too much sometimes....and who to trust/confide in? my Dh is on the surface the most calm person you could ever meet but yet he has hit me... on a few occasions - no one would even believe that he was capable... hes a good dad but i throw him off the edge and dont even realise what im doing. He has taken off his wedding ring, wont wear it until "i stop drinking" i dont have a drink problem -its ok for him to buy and drink a bottle of JD over a week or so but one bottle of wine for me gets the abuse started... i work full time, the kids do 4 activities a week which i take them to then come home to homework dinner etc... and yet im selfish -how does that work?

Oh OP, so you're with an abusive man then

I dont know... am i ? emotionally defo... im just so exhausted and then trump up to work with a hello - how r u?

If he hits you then yes he is abusive...and dont let him swing it round so you think its your fault.....it isnt!

Everything you have described says he is abusive.

The physical side doesnt need explaining. That is NOT ok no matter how bad the arguement is.

But the simple fact that you excuse it by blaming yourself tells me he has worn you down. You havent even maybe realised all the things he is doing which are abusive.

It is not your fault.

He is telling you you have a drinking problem more than likely because he actually does. To blame you is easier than facing up to himself.

You havent went into great detail. But I bet he guilt trips you all the time? Apologises for hitting you and then says that if you hadnt done this or that he wouldnt happen?

Please check out womens aid, im sure someone can get the link for you. Please dont suffer with this. And keep chatting on here. It helps so much to talk.

Its mad, im a professional... I love my work. I try and be a good person but actually he is wearing me down but I dont want to be without him. Why? I dont know.

Im sat in a room full of people but actually the emptiness and loneliness wont go away. I just want to talk, i dont want to hold back - I want to sit and cry and rage but I havent one single person to do that with.

Im angry at myself for being in this position, i had a fab job, brilliant, funny, dumb, loyal friends that I left hundreds of miles away to be with HIM.... now i dont have friends; i have acquaintances.

flowerpot77 - please go and talk to your GP about how low you feel. After you've done that, please talk to a domestic violence helpline because what you've just described is the definition of emotional and physical abuse.

You are not at fault for how you feel, but that you've been made to feel that way is part of the spectrum of abusive behaviour exhibited by your husband. The isolation from your friends, picking at you for drinking wine, calling you names... if one of your friends came to you and described all this, what would you say to them?

He has made you dependant on him. He has got into your head and made you feel you couldnt live without him. You would be surprised at the number and type of women in these kinds of relationships. It can happen to anyone. There may be a stereotype but its false.

Speak to your GP. Speak to one of your friends. Even if you havent in ages. Im sure they wont turn you away.