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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think this was a bit mean

28 replies

numbum · 17/07/2012 21:30

DD took part in a gymnastics competition at the weekend at her local club where she's a member. She's only 5 and was in a group with 3 other girls the same age as her. DD did really well as did the other girls (considering their age!) but the judges only awarded gold, silver and bronze. So one 5 year old was left with no medal and stood there crying!

AIBU to think they could have awarded two bronze medals? Or am I just being too soft and they need to learn life's harsh lessons?

OP posts:

snoopyplaystennis · 17/07/2012 21:32

YANBU not at all

Annunziata · 17/07/2012 21:32

Oh 5 is very early for that! It does seem very harsh. Did the little girl even get a certificate for taking part?

RichTeas · 17/07/2012 21:33

It was a bit mean. YANBU.

EnterShikari · 17/07/2012 21:34

Aww poor thing.

It's a lesson to be learned though unfortunately.

rhondajean · 17/07/2012 21:34

Yes yes, my kids do a competitive sport but at the competition obviously only the winners get medals but everyone gets a certificate for taking part!

squeakytoy · 17/07/2012 21:34

harsh, but sadly that is the way it goes in life...

if there are 4 swimmer in an olympic race, the last one will not get a medal..

JumpingThroughHoops · 17/07/2012 21:34

YABU - life rewards success - it was a competition - why should the real bronze medalist have her achievements diluted?

If you dont think your child can deal with competition sports - dont enter her.

Original poster

numbum · 17/07/2012 21:34

No nothing at all just sent on her way. And it wasn't my DD so Im not being PFB about it

I was going to mention something to the organisers but didn't know if I was just being overly sensitive

OP posts:

Original poster

numbum · 17/07/2012 21:35

x posted jumping. It wasn't my DD

OP posts:

KateShmate · 17/07/2012 21:37

Maybe if they didn't want/couldn't give her a second bronze, they could have at least given her a certificate! Sounds a bit mean and

narkynorks · 17/07/2012 21:38

Were there a lot of different age categories and groups in the competition? If there were and each one (regardless of how many competitors there were) got 1 gold, 1 silver and 1 bronze then the organisers probably never really thought about 1 girl being omitted in your DD's group.

Also it's possible the medals were specially ordered for this competition and they didn't have any spare? I think it was a bit thoughtless, but trying to think if there could be a reason for it.

4boyzmum · 17/07/2012 21:40

I agree with

Original poster

numbum · 17/07/2012 21:42

Yes there were lots of different ages narky and you've just made me think IABU saying that. I think I just felt bad because they were the youngest group and the only group with four children in it.

Will accept IABU!

OP posts:

HandMadeTail · 17/07/2012 21:42

My DD when she was 5, played her violin in a festival, in a beginners class. The other person was a lot older, and played a much harder piece, and absolutely deserved to win.

However, my DD was awarded a "merit" which meant she wasn't given a medal for coming second. If the adjudicator had given one more mark, she would've got a medal.

I felt this was really harsh, and I thought that surely he should've given her that medal, just for encouragement!

(Since then she has gone on to win outright in much larger groups - yes, stealth boast - so luckily it's all behind us now! )

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/07/2012 21:43

5 is very young but I can completely get where you are coming from.
My DD was in a competition a couple of years back, she had to learn a routine and do a set number of moves.

There were external examiners, (so independant). My DD did her routine and moves really well.
But when they gave out medals (in 3 age-groups) she was one of the few not to recieve one .They had Gold/Silver/Bronze and certificates.
One of the girls who won fell off the vault- but still got a medal.
Her instructors were that she wasn't placed.

The most heartbreaking thing was when tearfully said to me "I tried my best, I really tried my best".

I didn't expect her to get a medal just for going, but she really should have been placed (and it wasn't just IMO)

4boyzmum · 17/07/2012 21:43

Sorry!! I agree with you Jumping. It detracts from the acheivement of the other girls if everyone gets a prize regardless. Life has winners and losers, just the way it is. If this girls parents felt it was too harsh for the girl then they need to pull her out of competitive acitivities.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 17/07/2012 21:45

I think the club should not enter 4 small girls in a competion they know will only result in 3 medals. that is very cruel at 5. I would say 8 or 9 is probably an ok age to accept this if they are the only 1 without a medal. the club should have thought this throigh better and not entered them, competing is not nessesary at 5 yrs old if it cant be handles sensitively.

Bigwheel · 17/07/2012 21:49

A bit harsh at 5 I think. My ds was recently in a gymlastics competition (also 5 years old), everyone got a medal and certificate for taking part, but gold, sliver and bronze medals were also awarded to the top 3. The difference here though is there were 40 plus kids in that age category taking part.

Yama · 17/07/2012 21:49

Yes, I'm not sure sure I'd enter my 5 year old dd into a competition where 3 out of 4 will achieve a medal.

Debeezandbirds · 17/07/2012 21:51

Agree with Jumping and 4boyz. Life is a competition, if she was entered then she can expect be judged fairly and according to the rules. It's up the parents whether they want to expose their child to this life lesson (early by some peoples standards tbf) but if she's in she's in. I competed in competitions for karate from this age and it's a good life lesson and motivator..

(saying that my chin would have probably wobbled for her)

Bigwheel · 17/07/2012 21:53

But debeezandbirds the parents might not of been aware of there only being 4 kids competing for 3 medals?

Original poster

numbum · 17/07/2012 21:56

No bigwheel we didn't realise there would only be 4 in the group. There were supposed to be 7 but 3 didn't turn up...I guess maybe that's another reason the judges didn't have anything as back up for 4th place (like the certificate)

OP posts:

musicposy · 17/07/2012 22:03

We skate and I'm afraid this happens all the time, for all ages. At open competitions there can be 20 in a group so that's not so bad in a way - there are 17 of you without medals. But in club competitions there can easily be only 4 - and 4th never gets anything.

I guess if that's the way it is, at what point do you say "well you used to get a medal for 4th but now you're 8 you don't". That's as bad, really. I think it's just one of those hard lessons you have to learn if you compete. If a child can't take it, best not to let them enter.

The judging is a dark art, too. One competition, one girl fell over on every jump, just kept tripping and slipping on the ice, and DD landed her axel perfectly. Even the coaches thought DD had definitely won. But girl who fell numerous times and couldn't land the axel won. DD was pretty upset. But, you compete, you have to learn to put up with this stuff.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/07/2012 22:20

musicposy it beggars belief doesn't it?

A girl who fell on the ice and in my DD case a girl who fell off the flipping vault.
And they still won!

How do you explain that to your daughter.?My DD decided she didn't want to do another competition the next year (and no, she's not a sore loser, but I see her POV.)

I was in 2 minds to challenge afterwards, not that I'm an expert, and not that I would expect the other child to have her medal removed, but just to aknowledge that my DD did a good competition. As I said her instructors were quite flustered that she wasn't placed. Maybe I should've asked them to question?

musicposy · 17/07/2012 22:32

Sounds like you had a virtually identical situation - even the coaches were taken aback and it did put DD off a bit.

They're meant to be the experts and I know nothing about skating, so I don;t feel in a position to challenge (not that you'd get anywhere). But it does make you wonder sometimes.

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