To not believe my MIL just said this?

[Softlysoftly]

Yes a MIL one sorry! She's actually very sweet and helps me a lot but has made a remark I'm not sure I'm being a bit oversensitive about?

I have DD1 (nearly 3) and DD2 (7wks), need a break as DD2 is EBF and never wants to be put down. MIL had DD2 two days a week for me before maternity leave and after having a few babymoon weeks together as a family we have agreed to start that again, mil wants to as she gets bored home alone.

Just called to see if she is ok to have DD1 as agreed (DD is very excited, hanging on the phone wanting to speak to grandma) when MIL says "oh x? I wanted the little one". :(

Now she knows the trouble I'm having, she knows I can't leave DD2 yet, she has been advocating getting her on the bottle to "detach" her so do you think she meant this or was joking??

Feel a bit sensitive as I feel DD1 who was pfb for the whole of DHs family is being a bit neglected by me due to bf and them due to DD1, she isnt acting out either she is taking it wonderfully.

So AIBU to think that comment wasn't very thoughtful or kind? Or do you think it was a mistimed joke?

I think you're over thinking it.

It would have been mean if DD1 could hear and was perhaps a bit unthoughtful, but not worth worrying about.

She probably meant it, but as a helpful comment, rather than to upset you.

It was insensitive, but only you know If she really meant it and is therefore a bitch, or if she was kind of joking and just a bit thoughtless.

In most cases I would imagine its the latter.

sounds like she just wants to also spend time and bond with your dd2, nice of her tbh, but can understand how you could feel sensitive to her comment. I don't think it was a joke or she was being awful, its just sometimes what we are thinking might not always be what others are thinking! I think its great she's willing to help, especially to give you a break from dd2, but easier said than done I respect... I loved and still love the time I have alone with my dc separately having our "hanging out" days! a couple of hours of dd1 only time if your MIL can help wouldn't be a bad thing imho when feeding gaps are longer? just a thought..

I think 7 weeks is quite early to leave a baby, especially EBF, with someone else for a day and please don't feel pressured to put DD2 on the bottle, although expressing and bottle feeding EBM may be an option to give you a bit of a break. MIL may not realise that she's been a bit insensitive?

She probably meant it kindly - to give you a break.

IME there's plenty of well meaning people who think they're helping you 'detatch' baby from your breast. Not as many that cjoose to understand you want to BF and as hard as it is when they like to attached permanently - you will still choose to do it.

Bless DD1 for being such a lovely big sister.

Thankyou she's never been bitchy so that's why it shocked me and I felt for dd1 who could hear (but at her age unlikely to understand it).

I do have huge guilt complex for DD1 at the moment not helped by her deciding to sleep through in her own bed and potty train herself to be "good for mummy" her words.

I'll let it go and think she was trying to be helpful but not getting it.

isabubba would love some 1on1 with DD1 but DD2 is a lovely beautiful nightmare who hates everyone but me!

Sounds like the problem is MiL is anti breast-feeding. I would put it down to that and let it go.

OP, felt v much the same about DD1 when DD2 arrived, it does get easier!

Yanbu, sounds like mil has been insensitive. I can understand why you are upset. I ebf and it was over six months before I felt able to leave ds with dh for more than an hour or two, let alone MIL!

Very insensitive whether she meant it or not. People seem to forget what the early weeks/months are like. Your DD is only 7 weeks - far too early for anyone to exert any pressure to be away from her!

While I don't think she was intentionally being mean, I suspect she genuinely did want to have dd2 - lots of grannies do seem to love getting their hands on babies when they are still very tiny, maybe recapture a bit of their own youth and reminisce when they had babies?

Mil's who expect their dils or daughters to geta baby on a bottle really piss me off. What a stupid thing for her to say. Ffs, the baby is only seven weeks old and it is lovely and normal for baby to be attached to you if you are ebf. Don't let anyone take this precious time away from you!

just jokingly say 'oo don't be daft MIL' and then change the topic.

ps I BF mine till 18 months!

It doesn't sound like she meant to be mean but rather she simply views your situation differently.

You have a baby that only wants you and that's fine with you, but she may assume this is something she can help you "fix".

She was probably only trying to be helpful.

I have two daughters similar ages to yours and that would upset me a bit too. Its great that she helps you out and I'm sure she is looking forward to spending time with DD1. But she's probably just excited to get to know the new baby too and said the words before thinking about how they could affect your older daughter.

That's not OK. I would have been furious. I would let her know DD1 heard and ask her to make an especial fuss of her so she knows MIL doesn't prefer the baby. Hopefully if she's as nice as you say she'll feel mortified.

Sounds a bit like your MIL doesn't understand EBF and just made a really thoughtless remark.

My MIL upset me hugely when DS was very little by wanting to take him out without me. She formula fed all three of her children, and felt that I should be giving DD the odd bottle so that other people could 'share' the joy of feeding him. I was hugely oversensitive about it at the time. Three years on, DS is still breastfed, and MIL has become extremely supportive of this because she can see how it is working well for our family.

The novelty of a little baby to care for - im sure that's all it was x