To think this was very rude of my 5yo?

[wanttomakeadifference]

DD has spent the day with his grandpa today, along with his 9 year old cousin. They have had a lovely day- they have called me a couple of times and sounded really happy.

They called in to see me at work and my father overheard DD say, "I wish today was a Daddy Day" (this is what she calls days when DP looks after her all day).

My Dad looked really hurt, he has treated them to a film today and a trip to the park where (from the look of his photos) they had a super time. I think he hoped thay had really enjoyed themselves.

I realise DD was just being honest, and it is natural to want to spend time with Daddy (she had a whole day with him yesterday), but this seems like a rude and hurtful thing for her to say.

AIBU to think she old enough to understand that this is an unkind thing to say? Or should I let it go?

No, you are putting your interpretation as an adult onto it.

Children do not articulate things as we do.

Because you think that's what she said doesn't mean it's what she meant and to a five year old, wishing something else was happening or someone else is there does not mean wishing what /who is there, wasn't.

It was very clearly saying she wanted to be with her dad.

It was most definitely not saying she didn't want to be with her grandfather.

No, you're still reading something into it that she probably didn't mean. She's very clearly saying she wants to be with her father. That's all. NOT that she DOESN'T want to be with her grandfather.

I think it's important to teach children to be tactful as they grow up but in an age appropriate way. Trying to teach this 5 year old that she was rude has, by the OP's own admission, confused her. She isn't able to understand that saying she misses her Dad could hurt her grandfather - that's actually a tricky concept for a young child. She will really struggle to make the connection. If she'd said 'I had a rubbish day with Grandad I wish I'd never went' then fair enough, that's easy to explain to her and very obviously rude. If the OP feels that her DD hasn't shown her grandfather enough appreciation for her day out then that is also an easy lesson for a 5 year old.

Thank you to everyone who had posted. DD and I have had a chat and I've explained it's lovely to want to be with Daddy but that what she said might make grandpa sad- in the same way that she (DD) would feel sad if her cousin said they would prefer to be spending the day with someone else.

I perhaps didn't explain properly in my OP, the context in which DD made the comment was that she wished she was with Daddy and not with grandpa.

of course a 5 year old would understand, if you explain it in simple terms, that what she said made her gandad sad, as he thought that you had not had a nice time. I would get her to make him something nice card, etc to say thank you

Ah ok. Sorry, no, your op didn't say that.

Is she missing her daddy just now for some reason?

Well, according to the OP's last post, I'm not reading too much into it.

I'm not saying to the OP needs to be a dragon and hard on her DD, but it doesn't do anyone any harm to try to explain tactfulness and manners even if the child won't 100% comprehend the fullest meaning of it

Noway, given the information in the original post, yes you were reading too much into it.

FFS, I've just had a massive fight with Vodafone online with someone being pedantic, and I'm ever so slightly too tired to have another one.

You're deliberately ignoring the actual substance and message of my posts, so I'm out.

OP, I hope the chat helps and that your DD has a good day with her daddy and her grandpa next time.

I'm not, I said way back a gentle conversation would be good.

Just be grateful you aren't with orange, Vodafone are great in comparison.

I actually think your father is being a bit childish here...

Your DD was just being honest and saying she wished today was a daddy day - she would have liked her father to be there to join in the fun.

It doesn't necessarily mean she didn't enjoy the time spent with her grandfather does it

will Dad didn't say a word, I could just tell that he was hurt.

My dad used to take things like this to heart even when the DCs were younger than 5 - they are just honest and don't really mean anything by it but he just couldn't understand that!

My DS1 is 6 and I picked them up from my mums after a 10 hour day at work and when I rang the doorbell both boys came running to the door and ended up fighting over who opened it so it turned into chaos. I told them off and said why were you fighting over opening the door, DS1 said 'because we thought it was daddy'. It actually brought tears to my eyes as I felt quite hurt - I then realised I needed to snap out of it and he didn't mean it to hurt my feelings, just that they were excited to see daddy (TBF he usually does collect them).

Are you sure she didn't mean that she wished her daddy was with her as well. That she'd had such a nice day she wishes he had been there to share it with her? It isn't necessarily a bad reflection on the GF. I'd very gently introduce the idea of hurting people's feelings but try not to do it in a 'you were rude' sort of way.

I dont think what she said was unkind at all. all she said was she wished that it was a daddy day....simple.

she did not say she wished she was with daddy and not grampa. If your df was hurt by this then he really does need to grow a thicker skin.

It is unclear what she ment without asking her, but would be too late to ask after she actualy said as she will foreget what she actually ment. I dont understyand why you just didnt ask her and clear it all up there and then, poor child.

just let it go and if your df wants clarification just reasure him she probably ment that she just wished her own df was there there to share the day with them all.