to not be arsed with DH's family more and more with every passing year.

[99percentOfGargoyles]

Pre children it seemed so much easier to grin and bear them. Say the right thing, give DH a shove on mothers day, etc.
Two children and a derelict house renovation later I struggle to be polite to them for 48 hours.

YANBU. My ILS are an apathetic selfish bunch of pains in the bum.

why do they irritate you so much?

I've been with DH for 18 years now, I'm an engineer always have been. DH does a bit of carpentry but works 9-5 at a desk.

FIL: DH, how did you build the foundation.
DH: 99% built it,
I chat, loudly & clearly, about about scalpings and a whacker. FIL has selective deafness, ignores me.
FIL: DH, did you put a DPM down?
DH: Yes 99% did........

MIL: Just as our wedding was a merely a dress rehersal for her daughters, - she kept a file and 8 years later tried to book the same venue, caterers, even the flowers, then went for slightly bigger/more expensive, etc.

My DCs are used as a focus group for what will be popular with all the younger grandchildren.
Eg.MIL "do you like going to the aquarium?"
DCs - GC 1&2 "Yes we went with the school, loved the rays"
MIL "I shall have to take GC 3&4 or GC 5&6"

Now I've got my own family I find them more and more irritating. Gin takes the edge off to a certain extent but I thought I'd find them easier as I got older.

Well your FIL sounds sexist but your MIL just sounds like she's picking up tips TBH,

YANBU

I tried in early days too - esp on the giving him a shove with regards to mother day/fathers day - xmas presents. They are horrid anyway, for instance if i over heard them talking in a restuarant I would be horrified to hear them go on!

Once you have Dc your focus naturally changes...dont have the money/energy/emotional resources to ego massage anymore....

you know your MIl but maybe its the biggest compliment she could pay you ....copying you? maybe she really admires you and your job etc...

I think its very mean of MIL to ask your DC's if they like something and then announce they are taking the other GC.

We've cut the number of vists down due to lack of leave, petrol costs, school hols but this does seem to have intensified the amount of irritation I feel.

Everytime the PIL mentioned their annual Fancy Dress Buffet in three weeks time everthing clenched, my gums have receeded but I'm now as tight as a knat's chuff.

I say of your DH can't be arsed with them then why should you be?

YANBU. I don't get on with my IL's either. They are two of the most idiotic people I have ever met who don't care about anyone but their first grandson (who they see every week and get upset if they don't) but despite living around the corner couldn't be bothered with their DGC. All DGC are DP's, by the way, just DSS is not mine. It's a bloody big issue and I hate them for making DC1 ask "Why does nanna and granddad never see me but see DSS? Why?" :(

I have a really difficult MIL - but I still make an effort because she's DHs Mum and I don't want to hurt him.

She is also the DCs Gran. And she loves them. They know her faults but they love her back and I would never have kept them away or reduced the time we visited even when I most wanted to shriek at her.

We are also PIL already and I'd hate to be ignored because my Son-in-Law (or any potential future DIL) couldn't be bothered. That would make me very sad.

yanbu. Some people just don't deserve your time or effort. Shame they are related though.

Annual Fancy Dress Buffet?! Do elaborate, it's not quite a Candlelit Supper, but sounds entertaining all the same.

I wasn't taking a pop at you 99% by the way - just meaning that sometimes it's worth looking ahead and imagining yourself as a MIL IYSWIM?
I sometimes feel sorry for my MIL as she doesn't see how her own personality has caused people to draw away from her. Sad in a way.

Are you going to the Annual Fancy Dress Buffet 99%?

... I'm very nosy about interested in this event.

welcome to The Jingle I've just posted in chat and got some cracking suggestions - please pitch in.

Salmotrutta in real life I make an effort, in the past I made more of an effort than DH but now I can't be arsed, they're his parents and the DCs grandparents. It's interesting because over long periods of time I'd expect things to be easier.

Go as Bob the Builder, 99%!

I get what your saying 99% - I actually have to drag myself to see my MIL.
She can suck the enjoyment out of almost anything actually - always sees the negative side of things.
When she's not saying awful things about other people, that is.