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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up to give cash to the school ??

19 replies

WHATISITONYOURCHIN · 17/07/2012 11:32

I know it is important to help the school and I'm happy to do so but I have reached a point in which I'm really fed up ! Our pta is really rich, they have more than 20 k in the bank.
Every week, they have a cake sale, then there is the dvd of the school show to buy, the school bag...the summer fair is really pricy..you want to eat there, you buy your burger with a bit of salad (salad that you have helped doing) for 5 quids and 2 quids for a child.

You also need to give money for the teachers present, and now new thing, they were doing a collection for class rep !!!!

I know I'm not obliged to do anything but I feel obliged to be honest. Is the same everywhere ?

OP posts:
Cezzy · 17/07/2012 11:38

I think it does get silly. My children wanted to buy teachers a gift but I said no and we made a cake for the staff room instead. Surely the class rep reward should be the honour of representing the others, presumably voted in by friends and classmates. Children need to be taught that generosity can take other forms than just giving money all the time. I know by the time I pay for meals, music lessons trips etc I can fork out about £20 a week and as you say, you feel obliged to join in as you don't want the children to miss out, but I feel it puts unnecessary pressure on families. Must admit our pta are good, burgers at our summer fete were only £1.50. £5 is excessive!

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 17/07/2012 11:40

I learned several years ago to stand up and say clearly "we can't afford it" and walk away. There is no shame in being poor, and I have made a point of instilling this in the children too - not being able to afford something doesn't make us any less than anyone else.
Our school isn't too bad, but it still seems like every week they want "just a pound or two" for this, that and the other, and the trips all cost a fortune.
That said, we aren't the only ones struggling, we're not in an affluent area and have no "appearances" to keep up. They just can't have what we haven't got, and I now have no problem in saying so.
All these teacher gifts are a whole other rant though, I've never done them, and afaik nor does anyone else here, or if they do, they are discreet.

ontheedgeofwhatever · 17/07/2012 11:46

FIVE POUNDS FOR A BURGER!!!! Faints.... really though you wouldn't pay that much if you went out for a pub meal and had a drink and chips with it. Are they using specially bred cows and serving them up with artisan bread? Do they cook medium rare to order?

Original poster
WHATISITONYOURCHIN · 17/07/2012 11:47

we live in a very affluent area and we are doing ok for ourselves but because we try to stick to our budget. I have said to the pta president (whatever the name for it) that it was really getting ridiculous the amount of cash we were giving..she said it is for the children...but when is it going to be enough ??

As I said, I'm happy to help in any way I can I'm just fed up of giving cash.
I think I'm going to be a bit more firmed next year and try to explain to my dcs.

OP posts:
ontheedgeofwhatever · 17/07/2012 11:48

Sorry go to about 6 minutes in (unless you're a real Hitch Hiker fan and have nearly 10 minutes to spare)

Original poster
WHATISITONYOURCHIN · 17/07/2012 11:49

yes 5 pounds for a burger and a salad.

OP posts:
MKP1 · 17/07/2012 11:50

"It's for the children" seems to be the answer to everything (unless it's "but the children love it")...and you aren't allowed to turn round and say that actually it's for the overcompetitive mothers running the PTA to try to show off how wonderful and clever they are for raising so much money...

Original poster
WHATISITONYOURCHIN · 17/07/2012 12:05

" it's for the overcompetitive mothers running the PTA to try to show off how wonderful and clever they are for raising so much money..."

There is a bit of that I think but I'm also grateful for all the work they have done..I'm tried one year to involve myself in the pta and it was really hard, I just want them to take a break away from my wallet Smile

OP posts:
KatherineKavanagh · 17/07/2012 12:10

So it's the PTA which is the problem and not the school

cozietoesie · 17/07/2012 12:12

Remembering when I was in primary school - not an affluent area at all - there was simply no way most of the families could have afforded even a quid or two towards activities. We simply didn't do anything out of hours with the school if it would have meant extra cash.

In fact - the teachers used to bring trays of sweetie bars in to distribute among the kids for Xmas.

Guess that dates me.

LeanderBear · 17/07/2012 12:16

Just say that you don't won't to give, donate, bake, buy or whatever. It really is that simple. Don't give a reason just say, 'no thank you but I don't want to xxx'
and smile nicely.

If your PTA has 20k in the bank I wouldn't feel guilty about it for one millisecond.

Original poster
WHATISITONYOURCHIN · 17/07/2012 12:16

Katherine - the headmaster is very pushy, he is the one who wants the weekly cake sale.

OP posts:
MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 17/07/2012 12:20

It's not the same everywhere. I don't think we have an active PTA at our school.

I have been asked for hardly any money since DD started in reception - a £10 trip at Christmas and a £15 trip this term. Plus maybe £3-5 in total for dressing up day/disco etc. No collections for teachers.

I live in a very deprived catchment though and many of the parents at the school have very little money.

PinkElephant73 · 17/07/2012 12:22

Just say no.

Make a decision you are not going to let them make you feel obliged.

My DS school had an assembly run by an outside company and to pay for it, they were selling yoyos for £11! Ds wanted to buy one from his own money, I refused to let him as it was a total ripoff. Yes he was disappointed and angry with me. Lesson for life though, you can't always have everything.

tartyflette · 17/07/2012 12:24

I think your idea of baking a cake for the staff room intead of a present for the teacher is a lovely idea, and will be much appreciated more so that the painted mugs, toiletries, dodgy ties etc that DH used to get As for the rest, stand up for your right NOT to be involved, or to only be as involved as far as you want to be. A quiet 'sorry, we can't afford that' to the PTA chair or headteacher should do it. And who wants to buy a cake every week? CHeaper to make your own (and probably better too Grin )

Original poster
WHATISITONYOURCHIN · 17/07/2012 12:33

What makes me laugh it that they promote healthy eating yet they want us to buy cupcakes every week !

OP posts:
tartyflette · 17/07/2012 12:42

Ridiculous. Sigh. Some people seem to get carried away 'helping' the school when really it's all about them and their little power/ego trips. Go along to the next PTA meeting and bring up your last point, OP!

redskyatnight · 17/07/2012 12:54

Is it to do with the area you are in i.e. lots of affulent families? I know DD's school PTA are always very concious of parents struggling financially and provide lots of optional and low cost options.
If we put burgers on sale at £5 we'd be laughed out of school.

hoodoo12345 · 17/07/2012 12:56

Just the last month...
school photo, £9
DS school trip £8.50
DD school trip £9
Graduation tickets £5
Olympics closing concert £5
Over the course of a year i must pay out hundreds of pounds for 3 DC's various bits and pieces, dressing up days, book weeks, etc ,etc, etc.

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