Or is he a low life?

[EXmrsmascarahead]

DD(20) popped round to her GM's home yesterday. Let herself in and started calling out to find where in the house she was, her biological father replied, she was surprised as she didn't expect him to be there, found where GM was talked and then went and sat down in the living room.
In the 90 mins she was there he not once came into the room to talk to her and in her opinion went out of his way to avoid any contact, even running past the door way so he wouldn't be seen.
Later in the day she had to go back to GM's house and spent another hour there, he again spent the entire time out of the room, apart from 30 seconds when he asked his mother something, he still did not acknowledge DDs existence.
DD and him do not have a good relationship, the fault does lie with him, but AIBU to think that no matter what the relationship is you still, as the parent, acknowledge your daughters presence and at the very least say hello how are you?

YANBU.

He is a low life, he could have easily said hello and made conversation with your DD.

No loss to your DD though it's he's loss and one day when it's too late he will probably realise that.

Whilst yes it's normal to acknowledge and he's not nice at all, they're both adults so I'm afraid I don't believe he really has any real duty to have a relationship with his DD if he doesn't want one. If she was 10 I would've said differently.

If your TWENTY year old DD wants to have a relationship with her biological father, she should make more of an effort than to sit on her arse in the house and wait for him to come to her.

Particularly if they dont get on and are both stubborn as hell.

Next time she should call before just dropping in on his mother, to make sure he isnt there.

She wasn't sat on her arse, she was helping her GM. He only visits once every six months so it would be pointless phoning to check if he was there every time she was visiting and as her GM doesn't get out of bed till late morning ( health issues) there would be no one tO answer the phone.

The relationship is bad because he makes all the right noises, especially when there's a GF to impress, but does nothing to build a relationship.

I think it's rude of him, however did your DD make any effort to engage him in conversation?

It works both ways.

If she was bothered she could have said something, she didn't so she's as bad as him.

As the child, and adult one at that, she should also acknowledge the parent.

She was sat on her arse. She made no effort to go find him at all.

How pointless can phoning be, if it would have prevented them having to be in a house together? Even if its once every six months?

(and just so you are aware, most people hate random drop ins, even grannies who are being visited by distant granddaughters - a call beforehand is the accepted social norm)

Hmm...he sounds like a childish idiot.
However, your dd is a grown up now and can be expected to deal with these matters in the manner of one.
It takes two to tango.

She has tried on previous occasions, she gets one word answers, he has been pulled up on it by his mother but it seems that now he has stopped speaking to her, unless he has to.

This visit was arranged the day before, GM and DD had no idea that he was turning up because he didn't call to say he was paying a random visit.

He's a dickhead then in that case Exmrs.

I still think your daughter should make an effort to say hello herself tho, for no other reason than so as not to lower herself to his standards.

She will always know she's made every effort she can with him and that is truly his loss.

I have it the other way round, my DH makes every effort and more with his DD, she's just rude and ignores him each and every time. He knows however he's made the effort and will continue to do so and she can never accuse of him not being interested.

Just checked with DD, she did say Hi, when he told her where GM was, she then went upstairs to talk to her GM and see if she needed help with anything. they came downstairs sat in the living room and he remained behind closed doors until he was seen scurrying past the living room.

Your story keeps changing OP. Its pointless to call, but in fact DD did call. Make your mind up.

YABU. Its fine for you to hate 'biological father' but stop fanning the flames of discord in your DD. If she wants to have a relationship, she needs to WORK AT IT.

She didn't call I haven't said she did, the visit was arranged the day before when her and GM saw each other.
There is no flame fanning going on, I just think its bloody rude to not say hello

I agree lookto.

OP - your dd's father sounds an arse, but your dd is well past the stage of having her mum conduct her relationships for her....however annoyed you might be about it.

If things are wrong between them, it's up to them to sort it out. You getting outraged on her behalf is totally understandable, but will do nothing but create further animosity.

Listen, sympathise...but make it clear that you will not get involved. She is old enough to sort this out herself.

I have posted on here and not got pissed off in RL just so she isn't influenced by me. She and her GM have spent years trying to build a relationship with her father, never before has he not bothered to even say hello to her. She is a bit pissed off but it just confirms what she already believes.
I'm narked because yet again she has been snubbed by someone that professes to love and care for her.