Back to work worry

[cheekypickle]

AIBU?

Ive been back at work on a phased return. Yesterday I had my own class for the afternoon. Deputy head came in the room and said I looked a bit 'lost'. That's how I felt, like I didn't really know what I was doing.

I became tearful and expressed this to deputy head.

I've woken up today not wanting to go in. I really don't think I can be a teacher anymore. AIBU that I don't want to go in?

I've recently been diagnosed with bi polar and I feel I'm having a 'down' period.

Off to the Doctors today

Tbh I would've been very surprised if you had been able to manage a class with the way you have been feeling recently, very glad you are seeking help. Hope it goes ok :)

Be kind to yourself and realise it is going to be difficult. Be brave and don't give in during this down period though. You know it is just a stage and will soon be over.

Good luck today!!

That's why you have got a phased return period so any bumps you experience can be dealt with in a non stressful way. You can do it, give yourself a breather and try again. Good luck.

I feel really anxious about starting teaching again, without a bipolar diagnosis. When I went back after dd1 it felt so very strange-school had moved on and forgotten that I had. But after a couple of weeks it was as if I hadn't left. Day one of your own class is far too soon to judge. Try to get well prepared for September-but in little chunks, say fifteen mins at a time. Then you will feel less overwhelmed when it comes. But do keep talking to dh about how you are. If its too soon to go back to your class, maybe they'll let you go a bit slower.

So I'm not going in today. Probably the cowards way but I just can't face it.

Here's Colin McNaughton's take on such issues:

I Don't Want To Go Into School

I don't want to go into school today; Mum,
I don't feel like school work today.
Oh, don't make me go to school today, Mum
Oh, please let me stay home and play.

But you must go to school, my cherub, my lamb,
If you don't it will be a disaster,
How would they manage without you, my sweet,
After all you are the headmaster!

As Molehill says, the thought of what might happen, how you might feel, how things will work out is often worse that how they actually are. I felt overwhelmed when I returned to work seven years ago. I still sometimes find new concepts and ways of working harder to grasp that I think I might have pre-children. The secret is not to give that impression to people who don't need to know that's how you're feeling. However, don't bottle everything up and make sure you take advice and guidance and ask for help sooner rather than later.

I really don't think you are well enough to be even thinking of going back to work cheeky - it's not cowardly, it's realistic. You have not only been just diagnosed, you were hospitalised as well, this is pretty serious and you need time to settle down and recover.

What you're going through is huge, cheeky. Be kind to yourself and if you're not ready you're not ready. One day at a time. I had stress leave years ago and I was fine at home but the thought of a class of children would reduce me to a quivering wreck. But you will get there.

I feel like I just want to quit teaching. It used to come so naturally to me and now it doesn't .

I don't know what I'm hoping doctor to say. Support workers are coming over today

You are not well enough to be at work. That is clear to anyone on here who sees your posts, so it is not suprising that your colleagues may be concerned and have noticed too.

I want to know when I'll be okay. I'm so desperate not to be tearful and anxious all the time. I do want to be back at work but it's not coming easily. Perhaps I shouldve gone in today and forced myself to do it. I don't know what on earth I'll do if I don't teach. I'm already dreading being say around on my own during the holidays

cheeky everything you have said on this thread and on your other threads you need to repeat to your support workers.

I think the worst thing you could do is force yourself to go in when you are clearly not well.

Spoken to support workers they think a change in medication would be beneficial. Think I should try and go in tomorrow

Honestly, I think you should wait and see if this medication suits you first.

Have just posted on a completely unrelated thread by mistake.

What I wanted to say was....

If one of your friends was in the same position wouldn't you advise listening to her doctor and support team? You are setting higher standards for yourself than you would apply to others. Try being as kind to yourself as you would be to your friends.

I was in a similar boat and couldn't accept I needed time off until my counsellor pointed out how hard I was being on myself. I hope thinking about it this way helps you.