to ditch DDs music lessons because I can't be bothered to make her practice?

[dustyblinds]

So,

DD turns 6 this month
She has been having weekly, 30 min music lessons since 4.5 years - had some patches where we've not gone for a few weeks but otherwise pretty regular
Lessons only came about because I was having lessons from the same teacher at the time and he to have a miniature instrument lying around.
Anyway, he is lovely - great teacher - DD has taken to it effortlessly and he is pleased with her progress,

BUT she hates practicing. And I hate making her (cajoling, bribing) and just one more thing to fit in alongside the other million and one activities she does. I've told him she doesn't practice and he said it's perfectly normal and nothing to worry about.

She hates going to class and always says she wants to give it up, but when she's there she's happy, relaxed and does really well.

It is also obviously expensive and financially we are quite precarious, so it's not ideal anyway.

But when I think about cancelling the lessons I just feel so ridiculously guilty and think I should try harder to force her encourage her to practice. When we play together, which is very rare, it is quite lovely.

Aggh.

let her give it up.. if she is already going to lot of other activities, and you are not grooming her to play for the halle orchestra, then leave her to go back to it when she wants to do it..

My mum made me do shit I didn't enjoy for years playing the organ and ballroom dancing because I was 'so good at it' and it 'was lovely' when my dad and I played the electric organ together

Listen to your dd
Stop projecting your desires onto her
Do not feel guilty

Plus if she does loads already she may become a jack of all trades, master of none.

Let her do what she enjoys and is interested in

If she does a million and one activities,can she choose the ones she likes?

Perhaps if you let her 'give it up' now,she'll choose to go back to it later as it'll remain a fun thing rather than a chore.

Let her give it up, I played violin and just didn't take to it I hated practicing but felt too guilty to tell my mum I wanted to give up.

i would let her have the ultimate choice, If the teacher says it does not matter that she doesnt practice i would just take her to lessons and leave the rest to her.

My dd also 6 moans about everything, she doesnt really mean it, its just another excuss to creat a drama and hate every thing , she spends most weekends moaning and procrastinating about mondays swimming lessons. she loves it and would be devistated if I actually ditched them. I often give her the option of not going at the last minute and she always decides to go.

just keep the preasure off and let her enjoy the actual lessons for now.

Ask her whether she'd like to continue or not (or wait until next time she says she wants to give it up). If she says she doesn't want to continue, then stop the lessons and say that if she'd like to learn an instrument again in the future to let you know. If she says that actually she does want to continue, then arrange a slot each day when she will practise (does she currently have a specific practise time?) Definitely do not cajole or bribe. Just tell her when the time set aside is, and leave the rest to her.

She might want to play again in a few years. I was forrrrrrced to play a bloody oboe and i hated it with avengeance. Time for me to get a grip.

If she actually does hate it, i'd stop.
I'd tell her you are going to take a break. My parents did a similar thing.
When given the choice later, I wanted to learn again and was far more keen to practise.
My brother chose not to learn again - he now says as a grown man that he's gutted our Mum didn't force him! He's a crap pianist but still has one.His daughter has lessons, happily!

I will be forever grateful for my parents to continue to play for my music lessons even when I didn't practise much. They never nagged so I came to realise that it was up to me. I failed an exam and experienced how shit that felt.
This taught me discipline in other areas of my life and that ultimately things were up to me. I went on and reached a really good level and am so glad I have music in my life (haaaaaaa cliche).

YANBU why make her do something she dislikes! Use the money to learn a new instrument yourself and make sure you practice feeling guilty is nonsense!

I insist mine keep up an activity for as long as I've paid for lessons, (Normally a school term.) Other than that it's up to them. I don't think you're being unreasonable.

I can't see any point-if she doesn't like it then forcing her isn't going to improve the situation! She can always do it later if she changes her mind.

This is a difficult one. I played the piano from the age of 4 and by the time I was 8/9, I had got bored and stopped practicing and was forever trying to persuade my Mum to let me give up. She didn't push too hard, but encouraged me to carry on. When I was 11, I took up the sax and caught on really quickly because I already read music and had the theory under my belt. Then I got to play in bands and loved every minute of it.

I think what I'm saying is, if she wants to do music, she needs to find the right instrument for her and, often, I think it's best to choose an ensemble instrument. She's still so young and may develop a real passion later on.

We were in a similar situation with our dd in that she enjoyed music lessons but not the practice, so we made a deal with her that the practice just be play the piece she was learning ten times before school every morning. Worked fine, although she wasn't doing millions of other activities.

My cousin's daugher is in a State orchestra (for ages up to 25) where she lives in Australia and plays the violin. Her Mum told me that she has never had to nag her to practice (even when she was v young). Recently she came to UK for ten days for Masterclasses with a very famous teacher. She did that and then practiced for the rest of each day. Her one day off she spent with us in London going around the sights. She said she learnt a lot.

My dd's music teacher was very relaxed about practice. he used to ask her before the lesson whether she had practiced or not, then tailor th lesson accordingly. When her life was particularly busy he changed the lesson to them just playing together, improvising and just exploring music together. He must have done something right- she passed all her exams with distinction up to grade 6- when she gave up formal lessons but still plays for her own pleasure. I'm su if she had been pressurised into practice she would have given up long ago.

Another one whose DS didn't practice at home between the ages of 7 and 11 but he's grade 6 now and has mainly distinctions and merits. I never made him practice - rarely mentioned it - but he didn't seem to mind going to the lessons then age about 11 he started practising. If she's really not enjoying it then let her stop. She still very young. Plenty of time to go back to it.

I'd say let her give it up. Dd1 had violin and clarinet lessons from 4yo - enjoyed them both to start with, but once she could play a tune on them, got bored

I think she may go back to them later (she will be 8 in October) but it will be her choice.

Thanks for all these very helpful replies. Tabliope I am generally quite laid back, not a pushy mum at all - I rarely mention it also, hence leaving it to her has not resulted in practicing at all. It does take a great deal of emotional effort on my part (jollying over the whinging, remaining postitive despite recalcitrance (is that a word) and as I have DD2 and now a puppy to add to the fray, encouraging practice is something I now dread!

When I did mention it to DD1 this week, after pressing she said she didn't actually mind practicing, it was just that I never asked her and there was never time

Forcing her to practice would be the worst possible thing to do. I played piano when i was a child and i think my enthusiasm for it was enhanced by the fact that there was absolutely no pressure from my parents, playing piano was never a chore and instead it was always fun. There was a year or two where i hardly played, but that's ok. Meanwhile, some of the kids i knew quit because they had grown to genuinely hate playing it. This was because, IMO, their parents were really pushy with it.

Your DC is only 6; progression and level of technical ability should not even be a consideration for them. It should all be about fun. Let her enjoy it when she wants and let her forget about it whenever she wants.

Regarding whether she should continue to have lessons or not. Depends if you can afford it really. If you can't, then stop the lessons but maybe purchase a small keyboard for her to play around on at home whenever she likes. Or maybe make the lessons less frequent than they currently are. If you force her to practice though, you risk her rejecting music entirely.

She sounds very young to have been already having regular lessons by 6!

I think if you have to nag so much then it doesn't sound like she enjoys it that much.