AIBU to even consider still reporting this (sensitive)

[whosgotmyhairytoe]

Years ago probably 15 years ago as I was in year 6 primary school at the time. I went on a school residential where we stayed away for 4 nights.

I don't remember much about it, but one thing that always sticks out in my mind was one of the men, who was not a teacher, but worked at the place we stayed said something that I consider to be very weird and innapropriate.

When we were going to bed he used to be in the room with us while we were getting changed for bed it was in like a dormitory and he used to tell us to make sure we took our knickers off for bed. I remember thinking this was weird at the time purely because I always wore pants to bed at home, but at that age you don't really question it so I we all just did. I then remember he just sat in our room all night on a chair at the end of the room, I remember this because I never used to sleep well at that age especially when away from home so I was probably lying awake until 3am and he just stayed there all night.

Looking back on it now I can't help feeling that was really inappropriate behaviour and wondering if there was ever more to it. Is it as weird and bad as I think or should I just forget all about it?

Errr..... it's definitely a bit odd.

Firstly, do most kids get told to take their knickers off before going to bed? I never was but my cousin did. Secondly, do boys get told as well as girls? Thirdly, was it a mixed group in the room where you stayed?

I'm trying to see if it was possible that this man was monitoring your group overnight as the 'responsible adult' (if such a position exists) and if he might have been one of those people who thinks sleeping without your pants on is normal. I ask about the nature of the group because it would definitely be odd for a man to be monitoring a female-only group getting changed for bed.

Female only dorm, that's partly what I think was weird, not because I think every mans is a risk to girls but because surely it would just be slightly more appropriate to have a female with a big group of girls. But then this was a long time ago.

I just think of all the things to say make sure you take your knickers off for bed wouldn't be one of them.

Its odd yes. Moreso if it was all girls.

I never wore knickers to bed - (ie under pjs) unless wearing a nightie and then my mum always insisted on clean knickers. So comment of taking of "dirty" knickers would not seem weird.

But its 15 years ago and if he didn't touch any of you I can't see how the police etc would be able to follow up.

I think if it were me, the first thing I'd do was check whether or not this man is still working at these premises. It's possible he is.

Not sure what I'd do from there on in, but alarm bells are definitely ringing. Not nice memories for you OP.

What are you complaining about?

Definitely strange since you were all girls, yes.

How old was he then? If it was such a long time ago, is it possible he's retired/died by now? I think your suspicions are not unfounded but I also don't think the police would do much about it unless someone had witnessed him doing something actively illegal IYSWIM.

That's what I would do, WelshMoth.

It would be easy enough to check - do you remember his name?

It definitely sounds wrong - he needn't have been in the same room all night - that's just crazy. If he was on duty then he should've been elsewhere. I've never known anyone be on duty throughout the night and stay awake in a girls' dorm like that.

I was doing care work 15 years + ago. It was certainly accepted even 27 years ago that female patients may require a female nurse, so it follows that 15 years ago, when my DD1 was 2 as it happens, it would not have been seen as appropriate for a male to sit in with young girls while they were changing. I wonder if his 'harmless' watching has escalated over the years. I would say report it, if he is innocent and has done nothing more then all will be well. If he has done things or made other girls uncomfortable, then you will back them up!!

Report!!

how odd to wear knickers in bed! i suppose if its what you're brought up with, its odd not to. dear me.

no random man should be talking to you about knickers. not sure why he'd be hanging around in your room. its unlikely he'd have been able to abuse anyone is it, when there were so many people around who could easily have woken up? i don't know, maybe he could. horrid.

I agree in theory there's nothing to actually report but because I feel his behaviour was inappropriate if anyone else had ever reported anything it could be of use. I know things have come out years later because people have come forward.

I do remember his name and the place where we went.

Yes its weird. What do you want to do, op?

I feel that it should be reported to someone even though it was years ago, just incase there was more to it. But who to, the police? Feel a bit silly and didn't know if I was being ott.

I'm don't think I'm ott in general and if I had a dd and she told me this I think alarm bells would ring.

"its unlikely he'd have been able to abuse anyone is it, when there were so many people around who could easily have woken up?"

It has happened unfortunately- remember Caroline Dickinson attacked and murdered in a Youth Hostel

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/1261956.stm

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/1261956.stm

rulebrittinia What are you complaining about?

I really hope that you don't say that to your child if they ever come and tell ou that an adult has made them feel very uncomfortable.

OP, please report to the police,

I say this, because that is odd behaviour, if there is nothing more to it, the police will just keep it on file,

the thing is with these situations, often it is people like yourself coming forward, with information, that supports other peoples claims,

the thing is if this person did abuse someone, and at some point they try to report it, your information will make a huge difference,

please don't feel silly, the reason it has stayed with you, is that it is bothersome, pass on the information.

I supported some women(sisters) through a situation, it was only when they made their claim, that another person who had suffered same and had already made complaint only then had theirs recognised, an instructor at a sailing camp had been at it for years, once the flood gates opened, it turned out lots of children had been got at by this one individual.

It's hard for the police to put a decent case together, it won't hurt to let them know, someone might be waiting for conformation.

Report it to the police in case there have been other similar, or more serious reports. It will then be there job to decide what to do with the information.

whosgotmy - was it a place in Dorset? Feel free to Pm me if you'd rather not say on here.

whois the place to report would be the police local to where the man worked. They would be the ones who would have records of other complaints made and local knowledge of the area. You could also report to the school you were at and the management of the place you stayed at, but what I assume you are concerned about, that a child may have been sexually abused by him, is most properly handled by the police. Try and talk directly to an officer in the specialist unit, not just the duty officer or civilian at the police station.

Do you think you may sort of remember more?

If i where you i would contact the place and ask for the contact details of the management team and their sfaeguarding officer. I would then email them with this information. If he is still employed by them then they will need to act upon it.

You could just explain that over the years and now into yoir adulthood you understand that this mans behaviour was inaprorpriate and at the time made you feel uncomfortable and have grown to now realise why.

set out in detail what incidents you think where not appropriate conduct around young girls.

Then state that you would like a responce to know if this information is usefull to them in any way or if they are aware of the mans employment history where they could pass this information on.

No it wasn't in Dorset, I definitely don't remember anything more.

It's just stuck out in my mind as I thought it was strange at the time but for different reasons.