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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder how people get themselves into some situations?

12 replies

letseatgrandma · 16/07/2012 18:24

eg-'My neighbour has managed to blag me into looking after her four kids after school every holiday and weekend whilst she shags the postman even though they torture my own children with vegetable knives' or 'my colleague has asked me to pick her up from her house 40 miles away from mine each morning and moans when I'm late' etc etc

A parent at the school recently mused to me how annoying it was that she had boys at cubs and beavers which meet on the same night, so she has to go to the same place at 5pm, 6pm and 7pm and how it might be nice if someone (like me) could take her older child for her. I laughed and said that I already drove my son plus two friends to cubs and have two younger daughters as well and having any more would be horrendous. The conversation was dropped, but I am sure she would have been quite happy had I said 'oh, I could try and see how it went'.

How does it happen?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 16/07/2012 18:26

I think some people just like to be martyrs

AThingInYourLife · 16/07/2012 18:28

Some people are nicer than you? :o

As the daughter of someone who is "too nice" in this way, I have no time for it at all.

When you are the kid being tortured while the neighbour shags the postman, you start to wonder why your mother's fêted "niceness" always seems to put her own family at the bottom of the pecking order.

50ShadesOfGreggs · 16/07/2012 18:29

Some people just want to be liked and therefore tend to say yes to everything

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 16/07/2012 18:29

or some people like to help others out. Then get shit on from a great height...

Someone asked me to let one of her dogs out now and again - didnt mind doing it occasionally, but didnt want to do it every single day which it was turning into, but did mind when it wasnt reciprocated and now I say NO.

Some have the hide of a rhino and keep taking/asking.

Aniseeda · 16/07/2012 20:56

But you drive two friends to cubs... is that a reciprocal arrangement? If not, how did you get lumbered?

Original poster

letseatgrandma · 16/07/2012 21:26

Lol-yes, it's reciprocal! I only do it every three weeks ;) I didn't fancy 6 or 7 in the car though!

OP posts:

Nancy66 · 16/07/2012 21:31

some people are just not strong enough to say 'no' and life's takers always home in on these people.

Rollmops · 16/07/2012 22:52

No good deed ever goes unpunished. Fact.
(wise, moi)

Cheriefroufrou · 16/07/2012 22:58

some people need to feel needed, and on the one hand try to make themselves indespensible and on the other hand resent it!

I love being in a position to help and always offer if I genuinely can, but say no if I can't. I have a friend who says yes to everything, and lets things continue for a silly amt of time when they're not working until she really resents the person she is helping, when actually that person at no point had any clue that it was so inconvenient, as said friend is always so keen to be known as a yes woman!

dolallylass · 16/07/2012 23:03

It's not you it's them. You have a reciprocal arrangement with some mums so these others are just taking the piss!

OhTheConfusion · 16/07/2012 23:16

Also sometimes the request isnt 'oh if only there was someone who...' and more 'would it be possible for you to...'.

I got caught out when my elderly neighbour became dependant on his son's family after a fall. The son and his wife had been dropping in on him 3 times a day (breakfast, dinner and pre-bed) to leave him food and give medication. The son knocked our door one evening to ask if he could exchange numbers just incase there was ever an emergency (ok so far). Dh and I said sure as our neighbour had always been nice enough to us and the children. He than chatted and asked if we were upto much the coming bank holiday weekend, we said no as had a new baby so staying home and enjoying some family time.

Less than 48hrs later we recieved a call from our neighbours DIL to say they had booked a much needed weekend away and were in a bind as to who could care for their DF/FIL until they 'remembered' we were free and it would only be the pre-bed care as they could get someone to do the rest (WTF!!!). I was so gobsmacked that a woman I had never met was asking this I just mumbled and she rung of with a 'thanks again for helping!'.

Never again will I be such a mug!

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/07/2012 23:28

Some people get suckered into it (as in the examples already given).

Some people have had shit childhoods which have resulted in them being 'people pleasers'. And like Nancy66 said, the selfish bastards seem to positively have radar for the people pleasers. Or they just work their way systematically through everyone of their acquaintance until they find them.

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