To not want to leave my DS?

[NewMummy48]

My DS is 10 months old and when I was 6 months pregnant me and my DH moved 300 miles away from both of our families, We are moving back to our old area in 2 months and my DM has already said ?I can?t wait to have him over for the weekend?. I feel completely uneasy about leaving him, I have left him for about 5 hours at the most twice since he has been born and I do not want to leave him for the weekend as I do not feel ready for that. I told DH what she said and he replied ?Well if she has him that means my DM has to have him for the weekend? This is going to cause a lot of arguments as it is going to be a long time before I leave DS with MIL as she has not been particularly kind to me in the past and I have only met her about 10 times since being with my DH as they are not really a close family. His family have never been supportive of us having my DS and I was told when I was 12 weeks pregnant by his family to have an abortion, they prevented us moving in together (Long story) and they have not made the effort to talk/get to know me, other family members have told DH how much they dislike me and they want him to bring DS round without me there.

AIBU to tell my DM (Who would be very offended) that I do trust her and she can have him for the day but the weekend is too much for me at the moment?

Also AIBU to allow my DM to have him for the day but tell DH that MIL needs to want to get to know me and make more of an effort before I feel comfortable leaving DS in her care?

yanbu

whatever you feel is right will be right your the mother.
its totally reasonable to ask to your mum to have him a short time.
I adored my DM, sadly not with us, a typical disney style grandma...she would have certianly seen my DD alot - an awful lot but I would not have felt comfortable leaving such a small child with her for a whole weekend. She brought up 5 children, so that would be in no way a reflection of her age/parenting skills etc. JUst me as a mum, wanting to watch over my baby!

As for MIL, yet another case of MIL wanting the cake and eating it.
As far as I concerned - MILs dont have to like thier DIL's, thats fine, we are thrown together after all without our choosing or thiers.
However, if you want to see GC then for goodness sake - show the mother a modicum of respect.....if you cant do that....you cant expect to let her let you see GC.

YANBU about either of these things, if and when you feel comfortable leaving him overnight then its up to you, I would never have wanted anyone to have my DS for a whole weekend to begin with, a night maybe but when I was ready!

My MIL never had the DCs overnight but my mum did. They generally spent more time with my mum and they were used to her more. MIL was lovely and looked after them lots during the day but she wouldn't have coped overnight anyway.

YANBU. There is no need to leave your DS if you don't want to. Your DS is very little still, there is plenty of time for that in the future.

As for MIL, I would say to dh that I would not be leaving my baby with anyone who wanted the baby aborted.

YANBU - take it as it comes & do what you feel comfortable with. But your move is still a couple of months away - don't fret about it now.

I'd be saying to DH that MIL has some serious bridges to build with YOU before you'd be able to consider it!! Presumably he knows how horrible she was?

YANBU Children are not toys to be shared and handed round on demand. You can choose to keep him all to yourself and nobody can stop you - including your DH. I have never left DS overnight with anyone and haven't had any complaints.

YADNBU.
My dd is 20 mths and I have only left her overnight with DH. Don't panic about this, I'm sure your DM isn't trying to grab DS out of your arms as soon as you move in! If you've been living so far away it's going to take time for DS to build a bond with his wider family & for them to learn his routine. Explain to DH that if MIL doesn't spend time with you & DS then it will take longer to build up enough trust for you to leave her on own with him at all, let alone a whole weekend!

Accept offers of babysitting for a few hours at a time & work from there. Make sure that if you & DH go out that you ask DH to ask his mother if she would like to babysit. Either she'll feel included & you'll start to feel better about her, or she'll refuse & DH will know she was given the opportunity.

At the end of the day, if you don't need or want to leave DS then just say NO!

"I told DH what she said and he replied ?Well if she has him that means my DM has to have him for the weekend?"

Why? . I agree, children are not toys or prizes for people to 'have'. It should be about what you feel comfortable with as the parents, and what your DS would be happy with as well.