to think my partners parents should make the effort to see their only grandchild!?

[ladychops]

I have been with my partner approaching 10 years. We have a little boy 1 year old at end of the month & getting married in September. My partners mother has never really liked me or made the effort to even get to know me & I have tried! But now she is not making the effort with my son I am getting very angry & frustrated!! They will be in the small town we live in every other day, even pass the front door & walk on by! If we do not go to there's once a week it is because I'm not letting them see their only grandchild! This is really getting me down. Everything I do is wrong or criticized, she dismisses anything I or my partner say about our son to talk about her friend's grandson & has recently arranged to go on holiday with them all on my little boys first birthday!! am I being unreasonable? Help, what can I do? I know is their loss because he is amazing but this is so unfair on him. He deserves more

So she sees him once a week in her own home?

Perhaps she doesn't feel comfortable seeing him in yours if she's not keen on you?

That doesn't mean she has no interest in her Grandson?

Also regarding 1st Birthdays, they personally don't register in my head in terms of actually feeling the need to 'see' the baby on that exact day because it's not like the baby knows what's going on.

I would of course send a present and a card.

Are they coming to the wedding?
What would happen if you phoned and asked them round on Sunday afternoon (or whenever)? Just checking if they know you would like to see them (for sake of ds).

Hmmm. Difficult.

Would you consider a face to face talk with them, or perhaps write them a note if you can't express your thoughts clearly. (I always get emotional and cry...pathetic)

My son shocked me when at the age of about 5 he talked about his cousin's Grandad not realising he was his Grandchild as well.

you see them every week???

my kids see their paternal grandparents about 2 times a year. think yourself lucky!

maybe, for whatever reason, they don't feel like they can just pop in all the time?
if you don't want to go to theirs once a week then get your DP to ring them and say "sorry, we can't come over, but we'd love you to come for lunch on saturday instead"... thety can't argue with that surely

Do you specifically invite them to come to your house? I mean make an arrangement so they know they're not going to arrive at an awkward time. Some people like to wait for an invitation.

Phew
Perhaps separating out the issues that upset you most would help
Is it?
That your potential MIL doesn't seem to like you?
That a woman who doesn't like you chooses not to visit you?
That the birth of your child has not built a relationship between you and this woman, even though the passage of 10yrs has not brought you closer
That the woman speaks about another child?
That the woman will not be at your child's birthday?

I'd guess it's about the relationship or lack of relationship she has with her grandchild.
Unfortunately for him, it takes more than birth to warm up relationships between adults.

If you want him to have the benefits of his grandmother you'll either have to address the issue or simply make more of an effort to allow her to forge a relationship with him on territory where she is comfortable.
He will also lose out on a lack of relationship with his grandmother.

I know that this will be difficult as no doubt in our mind she is a harridan. She probably feels the same wy about you.
But if you want a close wider family for your son you'll go the extra mile (literally) and take him to see her more often
She'll fall in love with him
Talk less about other children and in a few months be a lovely gm

She may always dislike you and you her but he gets a granny and you get some babysitting?

This is a difficult one. I agree with the other poster who says they might not feel comfortable just dropping by. Could you try specifically inviting them a few times? If they still seem reluctant then at least you will know you have made an effort.

My MIL is the same. I actually get on ok with her, but she shows know interest in the kids and when we ask to go round, she's always busy ( doesn't work). She sees them twice a year. It's very sad and I've come to accept it.

I think you need to move away mentally! Accept she isn't interested and see it as her loss. Eventually you will just be able to laugh and see the funny side of things. Wel thats what happened with me anyway.

Only visit alternate weeks maybe? And just say that you thought you could both take turns - then discuss it no more. Just repeat when necessary.

At least they see your son. My mil hasn't bothered with us in months. She lives a bus ride away but is too busy working part time and getting pissed wiyh her long lost niece. My 2 year old has seen her 3 times. We are never invited so dont bother going to her. She won't come to us because I won't let her smoke in my house.

As for 1st birthdays, it is usually mum and dad who are excited by that, gp's not so much. You can't make pils over excited about the dc's, however nice it would ne if they were

From what you say, they are seeing their grandchild every week though.
You only have to read threads on here about how many people don't like "pop in" visits. Maybe she's in that group, or maybe she thinks you are in that group.
If you go to their's every week, but for some reason you think it's important that they come to yours (and of course she may, quite understandably be thinking it's easier for you, if they host, rather than expecting you to 'host' them), then just say.... "Next Sunday, I'd like you to come over to us for a change - will you come at about 3.30?" and actually invite them.
Agree with the birthdays - it's not such a big deal for people other than the parents.

They do see him once a week. My in laws have never seen my children, they have never spoken to me either. They od live in another country but they don't want to know. Once a week isn't so bad is it?

But lots of people wouldn't want to see their MIL more often than once a week, or have them just drop in whenever they're passing - I would hate this, and wouldn't do it to someone myself as I'd feel I was being rude and intrusive.

If she sees him once a week that sounds plenty to me. It's far more often than I ever saw my grandparents anyway.

I agree first birthdays are not usually very exciting to anyone other than the parents! I wouldn't expect other relatives to arrange their holidays around that.

Thanks guys, food for thought! Several invites have been extended but not taken up, couldn't leave him on his own with her as he doesn't really know her, she doesn't really get involved with him so nothing more than face he recognises tbh. We go once a wk for my little dude's sake to have relationship with or at least know them & for sake of my partner (who they also make no effort with!) think we will back off, they know where we are.. Thanks for your thoughts & advice

My sister and I live about 500 metres away from each other.

We get on OK, don't hate each other and both have young children.

We maybe bump into each other once a month at playgroup. We would both hate people turning up unannounced because they were just passing.

My children are totally fascinating. To me not necessarily to anyone else!

A good relationship is about give and take! You should not have to make all the effort! I agree, take a step back. They know where you live and they know your number, if they want to see Your son let them make some effort! And as you said its their loss...he will remember who he has fun with and who makes an effort for him.

I got myself all worked up about my ILs lack of interest/effort in their only grandchild. What a waste of time. YOu can't change them you can only change how you respond to their behaviour. Don't let it get to you or upset you. I found it really hard to understand WHY they weren't that bothered about my PFBs 1st birthday (they totally forgot) development, they didn't bother visiting much etc as we loved her so much and so did my family but its just not the way they do things its their loss.

Rise above it and don't give it a second thought. DHs parents moved abroad eventually because apparently there was "nothing keeping them in the UK" . DD asked if they were dead the other day (in a very unconcerned way Im sad to say). Hey ho their choice.