To feel annoyed/unhappy about this school related

[somedaysareatotalwasteofmakeup]

Ds is due to start school in Sept. He had a half day induction a few weeks ago where the class spent half a day with the teacher (away from parents).

He was really excited and went in happily. When I went to pick him up he was very excited and trying to tell me everything he'd been doing, he was also trying to tell the teacher and other children various things but the teacher was having 30 second chats with the parents as they left. He's a very friendly chatty boy and just seems to love everyone he is a chatterbox at times. Anyway he was kind of badgering the teacher at one point and tapping her, I told him she was talking and to stop trying to interrupt and so did she and that was that. She seemed stressed.

When it was out turn to leave the first things she said with an extremely strained expression was that he'd found it extremely difficult to listen and follow instructions and asked if it was typical of him. I wasn't really expecting this as I normally get nothing but positive comments from everyone about ds but replied that his listening probably could be worked on (as with most 4 year old boys but I didn't say this) but generally I have no problems at all. She then said they'd been doing an activity and he'd pushed in and she said that she was gong to phone his nursery to discuss it. There was no time to say anymore as I was ushered out but I was disappointed to say the least that his first day obviously hadn't gone too well.

The next day I spoke with 3 of ds nursery teachers, his keyworker, the SENCO, and another lady and told them that had been said, told them to expect a call from school and just asked if they had any problems with him and anything we could all work on for Sept. All 3 couldn't believe it and actually said am I sure the teacher hadn't got him mixed up with another child as he's always very good at listening and following instructions, they said he never talks over other children and when I told them about him barging in they actually burst out laughing and said he's always the one at the back waiting around being patient (all of which sounds much more like ds to me). Now 3 weeks on the teacher has not phoned nursery as of yet.

The reasons I am slightly annoyed are I feel it was quite negative feedback and a negative judgement considering she was only with him for half a day, and also not the best time to discuss it when there was no time to elaborate or discuss it further with me, I'm also wondering why she hasn't called nursery whcih makes me think perhaps she was just being snappy because he interrupted her, her tone and body language gave me that impression. I was already worried about him starting school but am now even more worried of what's to be expected of him, do they have much higher expectations than nursery and is he going to be able to cope.

Also, REALLY bad planning on behalf of the teacher--trying to chat to all the parents on their way out, after that

she should have arranged a time after to speak to parents. Or not...and just discharge them from the door to parents, to avoid kerfuffle

But the OP did tell her DS to stop interrupting the teacher.
Yes the teacher is only human, is probably tired, been writing loads of reports etc. But come September she is going to have over anxious hovering parents and crying children. Thats why she should have made sure this induction day was as positive as possible, because the excited, over enthusiastic children will be the least of her problems....

NB you were quite right imo to give her some time to deal with the badgering herself in the context of it being a morning modelling what school is like. Before stepping in yourself.

It does sound like your ds was very excited by his trial run at school, which is surely a good sign. One of mine was and one deffo wasn't (which is abundantly clear from the photos of a miserable shy withdrawn looking child who was nothing like the true child experienced daily by the nursery staff).

Could you get ds to make a little picture/card to drop off for the teacher with a note explaining that you feel he was just over excited by the experience as it is actually out of character for him and you think he'll calm down once the novelty wears off and he sees her and the other staff every day.

By all means let nursery proactively contact the school/her a.s.a.p. and say they are amazed and believe he was just high on the experience/nervously excited etc.

I don't agree with that, sorry.
If the teacher is talking to someone else and your DS goes up and interrupts to the point of tapping her on the arm, you haven't dealt with it quickly enough.
However I think the teacher was wrong in trying to talk to everyone before they left, if she had a problem with your DS she should have asked you straight away to wait til everyone had left in order to discuss her concerns properly.
I also think the first time at reception is hectic, I think all the DCs must have been excitable and it's impossible to make a judgement on a child's behaviour really and truly until school actually starts.

It sounds like she may have been a bit annoyed with the interruption and handled it in totally the wrong way.

OP no it wasn't clear from the OP that you made him stop. You said that you told him to, and that the teacher had done but not that he had stopped. So I clearly misunderstood that.

I do think the teacher handled it badly - and certainly overreacted in terms of things she said!

As far as planning the situation badly, she might not have had much choice in it. I know that the school's I've worked in, the Reception induction sessions are set in law and even when I could see something that I thought would work better, or that I would have been more comfortable with, I wasn't allowed to do it because that wasn't the "X School Way".

mellons is right. It is really stressful. The parents are anxious, the children are excited and the teacher is trying to look cool as a cucumber whilst also feeling quite stressed out. As I said earlier, the whole things is hard and making sure she gave each of the parents some quality time was probably hard. And not helped by being badgered by a small child. Particularly if accompanied by a persistent tapping!

I doubt she did contact nursery. As I already said, that was an illjudged comment to make.

t&b that is a valid point but by my logic we were in her classroom and I was just giving her the chance to deal with it. One of the problems that oten happens with children (or at least with mine) is the parent deals with it and then another person completely overrides them.

For example a few weeks before this happened at school we had an evening meeting at school with all the parents and there were biscuits for the visitors. Ds had already had two and as we were leaving ds asked for another I said no because he'd had enough and the headteacher said 'oh it won't hurt' and gave him the last 3 biscuits. I literally just wanted to give her a few seconds to deal with it before jumping in I felt she could assert herself not because I needed her to deal with my child but because it was her classroom and she will have to do this many, many times. But she couldn't read my mind and may have thought I was ignoring it.

But still say if the issue was with me a simple 'can you deal with this while I am talking' would have been enough to tell me what she expected.

Please don't worry, by week one I was taken to one side to discuss my DS speech problems?? I was this is my lovely august boy who is the youngest in the school. it turned out he was putting on a baby voice, which he tends to do when really nervous.

The teachers had spend the first week with him doing this silly voice, he is perfectly great at speaking!!

So i felt very like you - confused and a bit annoyed that after such a small amount of time they were labeling the children, and giving negative comments, had they just asked him to talk normally he would of!

So maybe your DS was being nervous and excited, but I'm sure he will be just fine!!

folkgirl she didn't contact nursery I've asked them and they are as confused as me why she would say that and then not do it. They also said that they've already met with schools where there will be children with behavioural problems and additional needs.

In hindsight yes I could have been quicker/firmer with ds but I too am inexperienced at dealing with school and thought it was a laid back informal morning and of course I was also distracted checking out the other parents, the kids the classroom so was probably not as sharp as I should have been.

If I were talking with a parent and another child was interrupting and being rude, I would expect that child's parent to address it.

I would expect the parent to say "listen to Mrs FolkGirl" if they happened to be in the classroom and it was part of the learning time, but at the end of a session, post collection and the child was firmly back in the care of their parent, I would expect the parent to deal with it. Especially if it seemed that the teacher was attempting to ignore the interruption because they were attending to another, equally anxious, new parent.

Especially if I was talking to another person (child or adult) and the parent was standing there and fully aware.

I think it's safe to conclude that the teacher didn't handle the situation too well, but I also think the OP needs to accept that maybe she didn't handle it properly either.

But still say if the issue was with me a simple 'can you deal with this while I am talking' would have been enough to tell me what she expected. Really?! She probably didn't think she should have to tell you to manage the behaviour of your own child. As a parent, I'd be furious and embarrassed in equal measure if a teacher said that to me!

X post, OP.

There will be much learning on all parts over the next few months.

The teacher clearly realised she shouldn't have said what she did and took it no further.

It's a minefield!

But folkgirl I am literally talking seconds not 30 minutes of tapping and interrupting I cannot understand why people get so upset and irate about minor behaviour. It's not as though he hit another child while I stood there smiling. He was excited and wanted to ask her something and for that split second I decided to let her tell him she was talking, within a few seconds I also stepped in and said 'x is talking to a parent come on' and that was that.

Well none of us will now how much interrupting, tapping, not following the instructions had gone on throughout the whole session. But I don't really think that's the issue as such.

You did the right thing eventually, you just should have done it sooner and before she felt the need to detract her attention from the adults to whom she was talking to address it. If it were me, that is the bit that would have irritated me. Not so much the interrupting, not so much the not following instructions during the session, all of those you expect from excited small children. But I do expect the parents to have better manners and set a good example. So the fact that you had let him do it and not stopped him until I said something would have been more of a concern for me.

As as for it being 'minor behaviour', yes it is. But that kind of 'low level disruption' is one of the biggest problems in schools behaviour, progress and attainment wise. And if you were the teacher in that class, you wouldn't consider being talked over and interrupted to be minor.

You've already said it was a split second decision. You've posted in AIBU to ask if you were unreasonable, I've offered a possible explanation as to why the teacher might have reacted the way she did. And I've said her reaction was unreasonable.

There's a whole new set of unwritten rules surrounding starting school. It's just a case of uncovering and navigating them.

I agree with folkgirl, i personally get very irritated if my own children interrupt me when I'm talking to someone else, let alone anyone else's.

I don't think the teacher handled it very well, but I don't think you should have stood there and let him try and interupt the teacher either.

Oh gawd....whoever should have dealt with the 'tapping issue'...does not explain or excuse what the teacher said

If she was irritated by the tapping...she wouldn't have talked about his behaviour through the morning

I imagine reception teachers are well used to tapping kids

That's what I was thinking bejeezus, while I do appreciate all opinions and not everyone is going to agree with me, especially appreciate the point of view of another teacher, I still don't think it goes any way to explaining everything else.

He didn't interrupt GCSE exams he's tapped the teacher because he was probably desperate to tell her something and struggled to control his impulses. I'm confident that he will learn with time what's expected at school and I'm absolutely sure that nothing he could have done during the morning warranted that response and if it really was that bad then I feel a follow up with myself and the nursery should have taken place which hasn't.

I mean I appreciate the point of view of another teacher.

I think you're overthinking this , OP. I'm sure all will be fine in September given the behaviour that you describe as normal for your DS and the comments you have had from nursery. Just let it go for now.