This is an old friend (almost 20 years) so in some ways we're more like sisters and the thought of not having her in my life at all is a hard one.
BUT - in pretty much every way you can imagine she is what I suppose you'd call a 'toxic' friend. The basic problem is that she's one of those people who's managed to get so wrapped up in her own problems that she never - and I mean NEVER - has any time or even interest in other people's. Have supported her through (v nasty) divorce and endless romantic troubles over the years but it is just occurring to me how staggeringly uninterested she is in any of my own troubles. DH was redundant couple of years ago and even though I specifically said to her that I'd love her support even if just a whinge on the phone (I am bad at asking for support so was unusual for me to ask this), she could not have been less interested - changed the subject when I brought it up and never asked how job search was going etc. There are countless other examples of her lack of interest, even just in normal things and issues that other friends express interest in like my job, my in-laws etc.
Recently a close family member has gone into hospital for a very big op and my friend again could not have been less interested. She didn't even 'know' he was having the op, even though I've mentioned it a dozen or more times over the past year. She hasn't texted once to see how it went, and when we have spoken over the last few days and I've mentioned that I'm dropping by the hospital or whatever, she hasn't even thought to ask, "oh, how did it go?'
When we spend time together ALL we talk about is her and her latest drama. I was happy to do this while she was going through awful divorce but honestly it has always been this way even before the divorce and it is carrying on long after. It is getting hard to summon any energy to call her or meet up because I feel as if I am just being used for my (amateur!!!) counselling skills.
I don't want to do anything drastic like 'end' the friendship but I just don't know if I can carry on with the charade that we are somehow friends when she really knows nothing about my life and never asks.
But we are very wrapped up in each other's lives (through family etc) and so if I start to withdraw she is going to notice - unsurprisingly she is the kind of person who is going to get VERY upset and offended if I am not putting in the kind of time and effort she has come to expect.
Oh, and yes, I am a wimp about these things and just prefer to get along 
But I am really getting fed up these last few months and any advice would be appreciated!!