re SAHD and the praise he gets?

[AbyCat]

DP is the SAHP in our relationship, and is doing a bloody fantastic job in bringing up DS (I'm the first to say that). He's not so good on the general household stuff (I still have to come home from work & do the washing & cleaning etc) but he's learning, and that doesn't really matter as much as looking after DS.

What is starting to get right on my nerves is all the praise he's getting from friends & family. "Oh, Mr.Cat is so good with DS, my DH never does anything, you don't know you're born Aby" is the most frequent. I think after it was said the 10th time this weekend, I really started to get pissed off. If things were reversed, and I was the SAHM, no one would say to DH, "Oh Aby is so good to look after DS, aren't you lucky Mr. Cat?" When we're out & about at the weekend, we both look after DS, but he is the one who gets all the comments - why on earth do they feel the need to do this after all this time (DS is 14 months)? SAHMs don't get this constant praise, do they? (Perhaps they bloody should though). And his ego is becoming monstrous now which is a whole different issue!

I even get calls & emails at work to say that they've seen DH & DS around town having fun together, and isn't that nice, isn't he good to take DS out for lunch? No one would bloody dream of disturbing a bloke at work to say they've seen his wife & child shopping or having lunch would they??

AIBU to get just a little pissed off over this, or am I just a jealous old mare?

The ideal would of course be that all SAHPs were appreciated and gushed over equally regardless of gender, but gushing over SAHDs has to be better than being suspicious of them and making them pariahs.

My Dad was the one who stayed home with me and my sister way back when, 30+ years ago because that is the way that made most sense for our family. When we moved and he started taking me to a new mum and baby group, he was shunned, whispered about and generally looked down on for weeks. One day, one of the Alpha mums sat down next to him, whipped her boob out to start feeding her baby and started chatting to him. That seemed to break the ice and after that he was 'one of the gals'

MoreBeta - yes, I am acutely aware that I mustn't fall into the trap of nagging when I get home, the poor chap is way more knackered than me I think. I'm the first one to get cross with the partners of my friends when they do this (one DH said to my best friend last week when she asked him to run the hoover round "you chose to have that baby, you stay at home all day while I'm out working my arse off to pay for the pair of you, you bloody well deal with it. I was )

Well, YANBU to some extent - and I agree that it isn't hard to fit in a bit of basic housework if you are only at home with one child so you shouldn't have to be doing all of that after working a full day when he has been at home.

BUT

I'm a SAHM and I do get lots of compliments about my kids from family and friends and people (including DH!!) say what a great job I do. Perhaps I am just lucky to be appreciated!

YABU. I do the SAHD thing, I wish I got these kind of comments! No-one ever bats an eyelid, and if DP gets any comments, I never hear about them.

I'm normally the only bloke at toddler group, soft play etc. Can't say it seems to make any difference. Other Mums always seem happy to chat. It works better if you are a regular attendee, because then it's obvious that you're a permanent fixture, not just a one-off stand-in for Mum.

My DH tripped himself up the other day. He said if he got ill and couldn't work, we'd lose the house. I said, no we wouldn't, I'd work. No, says he, if I was ill like a stroke, etc (God forbid btw!) we'd need childcare and your wages wouldn't cover childcare and the mortgage so we'd lose the house.

AHA, SAID I, SO WHAT YOU MEAN IS MY UNPAID CONTRIBUTION AS A SAHM IS ACTUALLY WHAT KEEPS A ROOF OVER OUR HEAD!

He hasn't mentioned it since