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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my mil to get a grip and a life of her own??

2 replies

VIX1980 · 16/07/2012 09:42

Ok, im sorry its another mil post, ive posted before numerous times, shes a heavy drinker/smoker, all through my pregnancy tried to take over and control everything, even telling me she had dropped 20 hours at work so she can have my baby 2 days a week - not asking me, telling me.

my son is now 2 weeks old, he spent his 1st week in intensive care due to having an infection and having breathing/feeding troubles which have now been sorted out thankfully. like any new prents we asked mil and fil to not smoke around the baby (you'd think we'd asked them to rip out their lungs), fil carried on smoking but would pop in a mint before he came around, i asked dp to have another word so i wasnt the wicked witch telling them what to do.

We have only been home a week today now, in this time all weve done is eat, sleep and feed and change the baby for a whole week, we havent been out really, mil has it in her head we havent taken him down to visit because we think she is a bad nan, and that my family always come first - this isnt true at all my family all have cars so can visit us easily whereas mil relies on fil to bring her round - for the record we live 15 mins away from her, so god knows why she cant just get the bus if she so wanted to!

yesterday i had a family member turn up on the doorstep to tell me mil had been in a really bad way the night before telling everyone who would listen that we are stopping her from seeing the baby cos shes so awful, i was a bit bemused by this, 1, cos i know she likes to be centre of attention and 2, cos she was probably so drunk at the time that im surprised anyone actually listened to her, however we went to visit her anyway as we had already planned to get out and about then, as soon as we walked in she took the baby of me, i only got him back to change him then held him for a bit to settle him down again then she came over with arms outstretched to grab hold of him again. then the phone rings and i hear its the same person who came round to our house, i hear her saying ok, thanks for going round there for me, yes there here now anyway then she walks off into the garden so we cant hear. I dont know what im more shocked about the fact that she had to ask someone to come and talk to us - which she clearly did, or the fact that yet again she has had to take centre stage and make it all about herself. she constantly kept telling us she hadnt had a smoke all day long, yet kept coughing all over the baby and smelt of smoke, im not pbf in the slightest but i wouldnt cough on anyones baby so i expect the same for my own, if that makes me weird then so be it.

pil now expect us to go round every weekend, i pointed out that we have lives of our own, as do they and you should of seen their faces, as they obviously dont! i find it so sad though that shes made my sons first week home all about her, sorry this is so long i just really needed to rant about her.

OP posts:
battyralphie · 16/07/2012 09:58

i think in a way you need to get a grip on the situation. This is not criticism but you have let her manipulate you, you need to stop that. Grow a thick skin aboutwhat she says to others etc. Lay down some rules, not just the smoking thing, and try to regain the inititive. She expects you to go round there, why do you have to do what she expects? Wait a while and then ask her if she would like to come round,this gives you control and will also stop the smoking.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/07/2012 10:03

I'm glad your son is out of intensive care - you must be frazzled!

I think you're letting them 'tell' you things and responding angrily so it all gets worse. When they come out with things like saying you should come round every weekend, can you not reply 'thanks for the suggestion, it's a nice idea, but we will be doing x'?

Or take control by making suggestions of your own, such as picking a day you and DH will both be in and suggesting you'd like to see them that afternoon? As you say, a bus for 15 minutes would be fine.

I can see why she's dead keen to see her grandchild and it would be really hurtful if you have a newborn grandchild to be told, effectively, that you have a 'life of your own'. I'm not excusing her, btw, just trying to see both sides.

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