Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

In thinking you just don't talk about someone like this, in front of them, in this situation?

27 replies

Vixxen · 15/07/2012 19:03

At work, in a caring capacity. I have just started working in a new section and I was looking after one particular lady who suffers from confusion, who was being transferred out of the place that afternoon. I was asked to go through the nessicary procedures, however asked a colleague to give me a hand as I didn't know the procedure for that area.

My colleague asked me who was going home and when I told them - right in front of this poorly woman - said "Yesss, thank CHRIST for that, we are finally getting rid of her" whilst looking utterly relieved and doing a little victory dance. Definitely not done in a jokey way and said with a little bit of venom. The woman was clearly very offended and said, sarcastically "well thanks very much" "nice to know the staff really care here". My colleage just ignored her and walked off.

I was a bit taken aback by my colleagues attitude, especially when we work in a caring profession and are meant to be there to "care" for these elderly women. While we were walking away colleage said "thank god I don't have to do anything for that demanding old bitch again" and I just sort of hmmed uncomfortably and got on with it.

Is it unreasonable of me to think that regardless of weather you like the elderly person/people you look after or not, you DON'T behave this way and say this sort of thing about them, and you certainly don't act this way in front of them? I don't really give many fucks weather she was an "old bitch" or not. The whole thing just made the lady really uncomfortable and probably made her feel quite sad to be honest, I know I would have been.

This colleage kept trying to goad me into bitching with them, even after this lady had been transferred out. In the end i said to her "Actually, I thought she was alright. After all we are here to look after her and meet her demands. Within reason of course". She gave me a funny look and said "huh! You only had to work with her for 5 minutes, you wait until you have worked here for a month, THEN come and tell me that they don't piss you off".

I'm just a bit by her whole attitude really. Apparently this is her on a good day too.

OP posts:

monkeyspiss · 15/07/2012 19:05

I can't believe you have to ask if it's unreasonable or not

JeezyPeeps · 15/07/2012 19:06

You have to know YANBU. Your colleague is obviously in the wrong job. It's a dreadful attitude, but sadly not an isolated one.

ramblinrose · 15/07/2012 19:08

She's in the wrong profession.

greenblue · 15/07/2012 19:09

You are going to report her right? What if that was your Mother or Gran?

QuintessentialShadows · 15/07/2012 19:09

If that lady was my mum, I would have kicked up such a stink.

Hopefully this old lady has a relative she can talk to, and ensure that a proper complaint is put in.

ILoveStripeySocks · 15/07/2012 19:11

What will you be doing about it?

onemoreminute · 15/07/2012 19:13

I think yabu not to have told her to shut up and get on with the job she is paid to do. I also hope you told the old lady that not all the staff felt like that.

yellowraincoat · 15/07/2012 19:16

Holy shit. I can't believe you didn't tell her to STFU to be honest. I would never talk about someone like that. Yes, we all moan to an extent, I work with kids and yes, sometimes I might say to my colleagues that they are pissing me off irritating me a little but in front of them? Never. And calling them a bitch? No way.

Cheriefroufrou · 15/07/2012 19:19

OP what have you done about this other then posted it on MN?

you should have challenged it AT THE TIME on front of the person and said something to her like "no of course not, we'll miss you very much, all the best"

then told your colleague that you did not find their behaviour appropriate

then reported it to a senior

did you do ANY of that? or did you just become part of it by letting it happen and doing nothing but posting it here?

foxeeroxee · 15/07/2012 19:20

I hope this woman will be getting reported! What a disgusting attitude.
It saddens me that people like this are working in the care environment and think its acceptable to behave in this manner.

There is no excuse for the way she acted, she sounds a complete bitch.

Imisssleepingin · 15/07/2012 19:20

Why are you asking, do you really think it's ok?

Cheriefroufrou · 15/07/2012 19:23

actually if the OP was present and did/said nothing at the time then as far as the person is concerned, the OP agrees! so is part of it!

That person is gone now she can't take back her inaction

She can and should report the other person, but if she was mute and therefore let it happen and let the person think she agreed then its really not enough!

OhNoMyFanjo · 15/07/2012 19:23

Please report her. It's sickening to hear this and think tgat they are left alone to look after people. If this is what she does in front of you what else would she do?

Original poster

Vixxen · 15/07/2012 19:24

I know, I know, I am not being unreasonable and I just wish I had told her to STFU. To let you all know I am in the process of making a complaint againsed her. The more I thought about it the more and more livid I got and you are right, I would be fucking raging if someone had treated my mother like that.

The reason I ask is because when I questioned the duty manager I was made to feel like I was overreacting. She kept asking me weather i was sure and saying that maybe my colleague was having a bad day etc etc, making excuses for her. So I thought maybe I WAS overreacting. It's really good to hear I'm not because I've gone to someone more senior about it and am kicking up a fuss.

I did speak to the patient before she left and assured her that I certainly didn't feel like that about her. I had spent most of the day with this lady, who was very scared, vulnerable and just down right miserable. She couldn't wait to leave bless her, and in the nicest way I couldn't wait either, because I was pleased she was well enough.

It's just a shame she had to be treated this way. It's almost as if my colleague thinks she can get away with it, because this lady (and others there) are forgetful and vulnerable. I really do hope the patient has told her family and they also complain. Colleague should certainly not be working somewhere like this with her attitude!

OP posts:

FiftyShadesofViper · 15/07/2012 19:28

The worrying thing is by not saying something the lady may think you are complicit in this. If she or a relative does report it it you may have questions to answer unless you flag your discomfort up to a manager first.

I once visited a care home in a professional capacity where the manager spoke to an elderly confused man very disrespectfully and called him an old git so I have some experience of this. I reported her and the home.

FiftyShadesofViper · 15/07/2012 19:29

Sorry OP, x-posted

QuintessentialShadows · 15/07/2012 19:29

Agree with 50shades. You could get in serious trouble by NOT reporting her, if her family does and name you as party to it.

Original poster

Vixxen · 15/07/2012 19:30

Just to assure you Cheriefroufrou I made 100% sure I reassured the lady before she left, that I absolutely did not think that of her myself. I am certainly NOT party to colleagues behaviour and never ever will be.

And to answer some of you no, I definitely don't think that this is ok. I think it's absolutely disgusting that the lady was treated this way. I am just worried that the manager isn't doing anything about it and is letting her away with it and making excuses for her. Hence why I have taken my complaint further.
I just don't like the fact it's been implied I am overreacting by the manager and had me thinking that maybe I was!

OP posts:

PenguinFeet1 · 15/07/2012 19:31

Please, please, please report her and her. Elder abuse should not be tolerated any more than child abuse would.

Cheriefroufrou · 15/07/2012 19:33

I'm glad you said something to the lady

however you sound quite wobbly about the whole thing, I work in care, this'll happen again - endless times! you need to man up or you become part of the problem, you really shouldn't be wondering if you are overreacting to this! no matter what your manager says!

YankNCock · 15/07/2012 19:35

Unfortunately there are loads of people who work in 'caring' professions who don't have a caring bone in their bodies. Those of us who do really care seem to burn out faster!

Glad you are making a complaint, the manager's excuses are appalling.

foxeeroxee · 15/07/2012 19:36

Well done for taking action,op.
I will keep my fingers crossed that the complaint is taken seriously and the woman gets dealt with properly.
It must have been so upsetting for that poor woman to listen to that venom from your colleague.

saintlyjimjams · 15/07/2012 19:39

Well your duty manager sounds crap as well. Can you complain above their heads? Tell them if they don't pay attention to your complaint you will go to the Care Quality Commission

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 15/07/2012 19:39

How horrible.

I hope she loses her job, she should not be working with vulnerable people.

Original poster

Vixxen · 15/07/2012 19:39

Cheers cheriefroufrou for the advice. I will stick my hard arse boots on and get to it. I am generally quite a confrontational person however with other patients around (and being 'new' - which is really no excuse) I didn't want to cause a massive scene. The patients themselves are quite nervous and to start arguing in front of them could cause them to panic. Next time if she starts I will make sure I take her to the side and tell her to get a new bloody attitude.

Thank you all too, for the advice and reassurance, this was the kick up the arse I need to get tough and fight this complaint until something is done about it. I know I wasn't BU and no, I shouldn't have started questioning wether I was kicking up a fuss over nothing.

I am off for dinner now, so not ignoring, but will be back in a bit to read and reply.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread