Drunken dad

[cheekypickle]

I haven't spoken to my dad since Christmas eve.

He basically turned up at my house demanding money for a taxi. He was really drunk. He started to have an argument with my husband. He wouldn't calm down at all.

I was quite mentally unwell at the time, recovering from being in mental hospital. I was scared by his behaviour.

He wouldn't calm down, DH said he would have to leave so he just stormed off in the middle of the night. He had no money and he left his phone at ours so we couldn't contact him. We didn't know where he had gone, it was a freezing night being December, we were very worried about him.

2 weeks later he phones up and tries to apologize, but then ends up arguing on the phone again.

I said that I didn't want to see him untill he had sorted himself out. Needless to say we have heard nothing since December.

I don't want him being about DD (11months) or DS (15yrs)

Can I or should I trust him again?

Has he done this before? Is he likely to do it again? More importantly have you missed him?

No I haven't missed him.

He's never done anything like it before but I'm worried that he would do it again

Has anybody asked you to see him again or have him in your house?

Has he contacted you or are you anxious he might. Has this worry surfaced today because you are getting better/more assertive?

I haven't spoken to my grandad in almost 6 years because when he is drunk he is violent and verbally abusive. I do not want my kids round him.
Personally I would stick to what you said. But the decision is yours and yours only.

A friend asked today if I had seen him or not.

I feel bad about it because he is my dad but his behaviour was terrible. I think we're better off as a family without him

I don't think you can judge someone on something that has only happened once. People make mistakes, drink too much on occasion. As long as he doesn't repeat it you should probably give him the benefit of the doubt.

It seems a bit drastic for a 'first offence', you say he hasn't done anything like this before. Is he a big drinker? Is his drinking getting worse? Why do you suspect it might happen again?

I agree that it's drastic to leave him alone in his hour of need if he is not a seria offender.

Call him...it sounds like he needs you.

Sorry I assumed that his drinking was a regular thing and the behaviour is a one off.
If he doesn't have a drink problem and this is a genuine one off, then maybe its worth building bridges. Most people get drunk and do something stupid at some point in their lives. My grandad was an alcoholic and violent alot.
If he drinks all the time I wouldn't want him round my kids.

'his behaviour was terrible'
This sort of suggests it was a onetime thing

He's tried to apologise. I wouldn't disown my own father because of a drunken mistake. Especially if he'd been struggling with mental health problems

My mum has been through a lot lately, brain tumour and depression but mixed with a lot of drinking which turned her very volatile and abusive at times. But you just have to forgive them and try and help.

You've only got one dad, life is too short.

What makes you think he will ever come back? It is July after all, so that's what? seven months of no contact.

If he hasn't done anything like this before, then I would call him. You don't need to involve the DC's straight away if you don't want to.

how did he get his phone back?

For a first offence I think YABU. Was there a reason he felt the need to get rat arsed on Christmas Eve? Death in the family that year? Anniversary of something bad?

My best friend turned up on my doorstep Christmas eve completely pissed the year her 6 year old DD was spending her first Christmas eve away from her after getting divorced

He got his phone back via my sister