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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask people to help me

21 replies

Iamseeingstars · 14/07/2012 21:10

I have had family looking after me but they are going home. But I am not well enough to be leftonmy own.

I am writing this because of the many negative comments on another post where someone is asking for help,probably thinking that person is happy to do so.

I am organising paid help but that will only cover some of the day and doctors, specialists etc are asking me to get my friends to set up a rota to fill In the gaps. Or for me to call them at short notice ifI have a fall or need help.

I don't know what to do now. Comments on the other post have got me worried about asking. They have all said they want to help, but whether they would when I really need them, I'm not sure. They all have their own busy lives

OP posts:
Isityouorme · 14/07/2012 21:12

Be honest with them and ask. It may be a time when you find out who your real friends are, but if you don't ask you don't get. I hope it is nothing too serious/long term.

G1nger · 14/07/2012 21:13

We all have out busy lives. And we all have people we want to help if just given the chance. Ask your friends - expect some to drop out and others to rise to the challenge.

MammaTJ · 14/07/2012 21:14

So, why are your family leaving if you are not ready to be left?

You need SS suport then, if they cannot help. Sorry that is my assumption based on info given!!

Any more info?

xMumof3x · 14/07/2012 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhNoMyFanjo · 14/07/2012 21:17

Of course you can ask, if they've offered then you deco should ask.

Original poster
Iamseeingstars · 14/07/2012 21:22

I am overseas and the family can't stay in the country any longer. I have serious disabilities because of cancer. I am starting process with Ss equivalent so working out all options available because they don't provide full day care, or might at a cost, but to be honest I don't really want a full time carer. A lot of the chores can be done by paid help, it is the falls that worry me.

OP posts:
hertfordshiremummy · 14/07/2012 21:22

I think a rota is a good idea as then people will be able to help on their own terms (if that makes sense). It won't be as though you are asking to call them anytime day or night or worry about what they would do for childcare etc.

They can just agree to a half day/day or even a few hours to be on call or come over and help when it is convenient to them.

MammaTJ · 14/07/2012 21:31

Right, so get paid help little and often!! That would be best for you. Good luck!!

CaliforniaLeaving · 15/07/2012 01:34

Once you are on SS can it be paid anywhere in the world? Can you move home closer to your relatives? If this is now going to be a lifelong or long term thing, it's going to be hard to have friends commit to long term help.

bogeyface · 15/07/2012 01:42

Is there a system where you live like there are in the UK where you wear a button around your neck and you press it if you fall? Then the operative contacts you via a speakerphone in your house, and if you dont reply or tell them that you are hurt, they send someone round as an emergency.

I would look into that if you want to retain some independence, which i totally understand, but want a back up.

lovebunny · 15/07/2012 02:29

ask anyway. you won't lose anything by it - if people are offended at your asking, they weren't really friends.

justaboutisnowakiwi · 15/07/2012 03:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iscream · 15/07/2012 03:44

Yes, the Personal Medical Alarm is a good idea. Can you use a Rollator/Walker so you will have a better chance not to fall?
What sort of care do you need? There are lot's of daily living aids that may help you be more independent and feel secure.

iscream · 15/07/2012 03:45

Oh, I forgot to say, go ahead and ask, or hint, for help.

sashh · 15/07/2012 05:59

Ask. You need the help, you would help thenm if the situation was reversed wouldn't you?

Original poster
Iamseeingstars · 20/07/2012 21:42

I might be entitled to some free help, maybe n hour a week. Process will take a few weeks though . How much can be done in a hour? cleaning of kitchen, bathroom, vacuuming.

Still haven't spoken to friends, not seen anyone recently.

Have been investigating medical alarms and I do use a Zimmerman frame to walk

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamseeingstars · 20/07/2012 21:48

Ive got loads of aids, my house looks like its occupied by an old aged pensioner. Its amazing what is available these days. Just wish it could fix my body

OP posts:
carabos · 20/07/2012 21:53

Do you have to stay where you are or are you too I'll to travel? Sounds like you would be better off staying with your family for a bit, unless this just isn't possible.

So sorry, you must be worried.

Original poster
Iamseeingstars · 20/07/2012 22:54

Living elsewhere isn't possible. Family are overseas and because of treatment I can't leave the country. I wouldnt get medical cover anywhere else.

OP posts:
LisaD1 · 20/07/2012 22:59

Just ask, people are usually only too happy to help, I would help if I were anywhere near you, are you in UK? I'm Surrey based if that helps?

amicissimma · 20/07/2012 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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