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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be letting my perceived ugliness keep me away from men?

34 replies

PrincessTeacake · 14/07/2012 16:54

Okay, here's the deal. I'm not being falsely modest and I'm not looking for attention, I just need some perspective from people who don't know me from Adam.

I am horrifically awkward with men. I've dumped pretty much all my boyfriends over the years and have spent a long time being single in between, figuring that if I met the right man I wouldn't have this problem. All the men I've dated have had problems that we couldn't get past that contributed to my akwardness so it wouldn't have gone very far anyway, but I'm really starting to worry that if I did meet the right guy I'd be too freaked out to pursue it any further than casual dating.

The problem is I see myself as weird-looking at best, downright ugly at worst. I've had enough friends and complete strangers tell me I'm cute and pretty to doubt it but I find it really hard to see myself that way. I joined match.com recently to just see what the dating pool is like for me and I've gotten a lot of responses, two of which have freaked me out so badly I can't stop thinking about them. One just said I was a good-looking girl and he wanted to meet me for a drink and the other asked me what a pretty girl like myself was doing on the site. I have no idea how to answer either query, I just put up one of the few pictures I think makes me look okay but I have no idea how they're perceiving this, as strangers they're not obligated to lie and make me feel better the way my family and friends do.

I know everyone has something about themselves they don't like but is this normal? I'd almost rather be certain I was hideous than have this confusion.

OP posts:
TheOriginalNutcracker · 14/07/2012 22:06

I have this problem op. I get told i am pretty, quite a lot, but i don't believe a word of it. Only today, I have been tagged in some pics and to me i look fat and ugly. I am fat and ugly. I don't get what they are seeing.

I think they are just being politte.

You, on the other hand, are really pretty.

PrincessTeacake · 14/07/2012 22:34

Nutcracker, if I saw a picture of you I'm sure I'd say the exact same thing about you. That's the kicker, isn't it? Even watching the Lolo Ferrari stuff, she was so beautiful when she was younger but never felt attractive even after the surgeries.

Thank you all for the kind words. Even now my inner voice is saying "Of course they're going to say you look pretty, what kind of person would read the entire thread and say, yep, you're hideous." All I see when I look at that picture is my huge misshapen nose, my tiny pig eyes and the red blotches on my cheeks. So yes, I think I'd better seek some therapy Sad

OP posts:
HmmThinkingAboutIt · 14/07/2012 22:45

Princess, I have a lot of opinions on the subject.

I think that we are almost conditioned as woman, particularly in this country, to be modest and self deprecating about the way we look. It is unacceptable to say "I am an attractive girl". The trouble is, that at some point along the way, a lot of us actually start believing this is true.

Its not helped by the fact that some people are photogenic, some people are not. And when we go into a changing room in a shop, half the time the mirror have deliberate distortions / lighting in an attempt to make us look better; the trouble being that if you aren't the right height for the them or have the wrong complexion, the result is you actually look far worse than you do in reality. So we rarely see a true representation of ourselves to counter what we see.

And we are constantly comparing ourselves with other people and this idea of perfection, that doesn't really exist. I do think that too many of us fall into the trap of thinking that just because we aren't "as pretty as our mate" we think this means we have fallen out the ugly tree. Its just not true...

Truthfully, I generally see the majority of women as having something amazingly beautiful about them, just from appearance. Whether they be big, small, tall or thin. And I speak as a bisexual woman. We just are programmed not to see it in ourselves.

I also find it frustrating that, I can not give compliments to other women, without my motives being questioned. Women, seem to think that all other women have a hidden agenda or being slyly bitchy, even if they don't. Which is a really sad state of affairs. We need to give more compliments to each other and we need learn to take them better to help everyone's confidence about this.

That said, I'm a hypocrite. I hate having my photo taken and actively avoid it where ever I can. Though I am getting better. I'm currently going through my entire family's photos trying to catalogue them and digitise them and have been surprised looking at photos of myself. Even the bad ones aren't anywhere near as bad as I thought they were. I think having had distance and a difference frame of mind have helped and it strange to look at myself without revulsion.

Thing is, I find a lot of the 'beautiful people' rather bland. They all look the same and devoid of real personality. There is a song that was written by Brett Anderson (who was in Suede, but the song by his later band The Tears); the lyrics go "Your teeth are not quite straight / Your mood swings oscillates /
Your language is appalling / And you play with my hair in the morning / Your imperfections are so beautiful / I can't control my animal soul / Your imperfections have got me on a chain / Can't concentrate / I'm a sucker for your beautiful mistakes"

I couldn't agree with them more, and I honestly think that the fact we are all different and not perfect is the thing that makes us attractive.

As for the comments the guys have made on the dating site. Whilst flattering, I do find them uncomfortable and wouldn't know how or want to reply as they are too forward for a first conversation starter. It sets off alarm bells. Whilst what they are saying might be very true, I'm not sure its anything more than a cheap chat up line, and I'd rather someone responded to me as a whole person rather than me as a photograph or imagine. I find it somewhat inappropriate and not right for me. I don't think that its wrong to feel like this, despite insecurities. I personally wouldn't want to consider these guys for that reason - I think there has to be a balance between personality and looks and in this case, I don't feel the balance is right for me. Might be different for you... everyone is different.

Anyway, I'm rambled on a bit to much (I blame the wine) but PrincessTeacake you are attractive. You look lovely on that photo. Don't do yourself down.

BrianButterfield · 14/07/2012 22:50

You say you've have friends and complete strangers tell you you're cute and pretty - well, I can tell you I can count the times people have said anything like that to me on one hand (I hoard them in my mind so I know!). This isn't competitive ugliness - I think I look OK, so if you've heard it more than 5 times I can assure you you are better-looking than me! My point is, it isn't something people "just say". It really isn't! So they weren't trying to be polite or anything.

horseygeorgie · 14/07/2012 22:55

def not ugly, but obviously you have some serious self esteem issues. would really agree with the others about some counselling, it would really help you i think. Try and think of one nice thing you like about yourself each day and tell yourself it, out loud, looking in a mirror.
Self esteem doesn't come automatically to some people, you have to work at it. But you are starting from a good place cause you are not ugly.

ThePan · 14/07/2012 23:16

male, hetro opinion here fwiw - you are exceedingly pretty. None of that bollocks you just listed - I see 'phwoar' tbh.
Yes if you think you are ugly in any way, I'd talk to someone.

VolAuVent · 14/07/2012 23:34

You're very pretty and I think you look similar to Victoria Coren. You look good fun and also perhaps shy - that's fine as that's who you are :) You need to work on your self-esteem I think, and yes maybe some counselling, or even reading a few self-help books, could help.

match.com does not equal "the dating pool". Best thing is to do things where you meet new people, both male and female, and just make friends you have things in common with. How did you meet your former boyfriends?

ZillionChocolate · 15/07/2012 11:35

I can see the Victoria Coren thing too, she's also a good looking woman.

OP get some help, you need to be able to enjoy your life.

rookiemater · 15/07/2012 11:50

You look very pretty in the photo. I remember when I was single my friend said that I was much prettier than my other friend but she got more attention as more outgoing.

Maybe you need to stop focusing on the dating for a while and start building up your self esteem. For me what helped was joining something called the Junior Chamber of Commerce, for professionals under 40 with lots of self development and social events where I could start interacting with males on a social level - I went to an all girls school and found that difficult. It really helped me to concentrate on personality rather than just looks.

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