Princess, I have a lot of opinions on the subject.
I think that we are almost conditioned as woman, particularly in this country, to be modest and self deprecating about the way we look. It is unacceptable to say "I am an attractive girl". The trouble is, that at some point along the way, a lot of us actually start believing this is true.
Its not helped by the fact that some people are photogenic, some people are not. And when we go into a changing room in a shop, half the time the mirror have deliberate distortions / lighting in an attempt to make us look better; the trouble being that if you aren't the right height for the them or have the wrong complexion, the result is you actually look far worse than you do in reality. So we rarely see a true representation of ourselves to counter what we see.
And we are constantly comparing ourselves with other people and this idea of perfection, that doesn't really exist. I do think that too many of us fall into the trap of thinking that just because we aren't "as pretty as our mate" we think this means we have fallen out the ugly tree. Its just not true...
Truthfully, I generally see the majority of women as having something amazingly beautiful about them, just from appearance. Whether they be big, small, tall or thin. And I speak as a bisexual woman. We just are programmed not to see it in ourselves.
I also find it frustrating that, I can not give compliments to other women, without my motives being questioned. Women, seem to think that all other women have a hidden agenda or being slyly bitchy, even if they don't. Which is a really sad state of affairs. We need to give more compliments to each other and we need learn to take them better to help everyone's confidence about this.
That said, I'm a hypocrite. I hate having my photo taken and actively avoid it where ever I can. Though I am getting better. I'm currently going through my entire family's photos trying to catalogue them and digitise them and have been surprised looking at photos of myself. Even the bad ones aren't anywhere near as bad as I thought they were. I think having had distance and a difference frame of mind have helped and it strange to look at myself without revulsion.
Thing is, I find a lot of the 'beautiful people' rather bland. They all look the same and devoid of real personality. There is a song that was written by Brett Anderson (who was in Suede, but the song by his later band The Tears); the lyrics go "Your teeth are not quite straight / Your mood swings oscillates /
Your language is appalling / And you play with my hair in the morning / Your imperfections are so beautiful / I can't control my animal soul / Your imperfections have got me on a chain / Can't concentrate / I'm a sucker for your beautiful mistakes"
I couldn't agree with them more, and I honestly think that the fact we are all different and not perfect is the thing that makes us attractive.
As for the comments the guys have made on the dating site. Whilst flattering, I do find them uncomfortable and wouldn't know how or want to reply as they are too forward for a first conversation starter. It sets off alarm bells. Whilst what they are saying might be very true, I'm not sure its anything more than a cheap chat up line, and I'd rather someone responded to me as a whole person rather than me as a photograph or imagine. I find it somewhat inappropriate and not right for me. I don't think that its wrong to feel like this, despite insecurities. I personally wouldn't want to consider these guys for that reason - I think there has to be a balance between personality and looks and in this case, I don't feel the balance is right for me. Might be different for you... everyone is different.
Anyway, I'm rambled on a bit to much (I blame the wine) but PrincessTeacake you are attractive. You look lovely on that photo. Don't do yourself down.