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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

and a really mean mum as DS states?

13 replies

youarekidding · 14/07/2012 11:23

I suspect not Grin but will bow to the MN jury as any help and advice is always welcome.

I have been on a course the last week for work. Hour away and with rush hour traffic a 2 journey commute there and back.

I have a childcare arrangement with my friend where I collect her 2 DC's from after school club with DS when she has to work late and so the favour has been returned during this period. I usually collect DS between 4-5pm depending on work and she collects hers 5.30-6pm.

So basically we are very quite different in our children rearing but have maintained a great relationship with an each to their own approach.

I can give examples if requested but basically she runs around after her DC's (7 &8) and so they are very demanding. I am more of a benign neglect encourage independence and patience type parent.

Problem is after having been there a week DS is now telling me how mean I am and how I don't do anything for him. Sad I actually am not sure if this has come from hearing them saying to their mum and getting away from it or from not having to do a thing for himself for a week and thinking it's great!

WIBU to:

a) make to do more so he knows how tough life can be Wink
b) ignore him
c) tell him off for being a rude?

OP posts:
DawnOfTheDee · 14/07/2012 11:25

Ignore!

Kellamity · 14/07/2012 11:26

How old is your DS? Has he said what he wants you to do for him? It's tricky when your DCs spend time with another family with a different parental approach isn't it?

I think your 3 options won't solve the issue between you but maybe a chat about want he wants and what you expect of him might be more productive - what do I know my DCs are always wanting more no matter how much or little I do for them Grin

FallenCaryatid · 14/07/2012 11:31

My DSis is like your friend.
My two occasionally envied their cousins, until they saw that level of care and attention extended to every waking moment of their existence, every decision they had to make and every risk, item of food and activity they took.
My two decided it wasn't worth the payback. I'd keep on trucking with your approach, he'll adjust.

MardyBra · 14/07/2012 11:50

A mixture of b and c depending on how old he is. Yanbu

Original poster
youarekidding · 14/07/2012 12:09

Yeah, sorry should have said he's 7 (8 in a few weeks)

An example is:

When I do dinner I lay the table (DS helps when no guests) and I put a drink on the table for everyone. I serve dinner and then do what needs doing. If anyone finishes the drink they can make their own or wait until I am available to make more.
Friends DC's eat on laps in front of TV and as soon as dinner touches laps ask for a drink, they are made one and then friend waits while they drink it, then puts it somewhere in the lounge and runs back and forth giving it to them and putting it down throughout the meal.

Basically DS hasn't had to do anything for himself - he thinks or is trying to convince me he thinks that that is normal and what I should be doing!

Yesterday I made DS a drink and gave him an apple. He was watching TV.
I made myself a coffee. The minute I sat down he started with "Can I have another drink/ some crisps" "of course I say" then it was you do it, why do I have to do it, you never do anything for me etc"

In fact it's everytime I sit with a coffee or to reply to a text he needs/wants something he would have always done himself without even asking or telling me.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 14/07/2012 12:12

Ah, so you are mean because you dont wait on him hand and foot like he is some sort of pampered prince... Grin

I would be telling him that he has legs, is old enough to get his own drinks, and can stop behaving like a spoilt lazy brat right now! Grin

Foslady · 14/07/2012 12:13

I'd be tempted to reply 'Oh, but I thought you were almost 8? Do you want to be treated like you were 4 again?' in a very puzzled voice.....adding on, 'so do you want to be in bed a 6, only watch cebeebies, and take away anything that isn't suitable for a 4 year old....???'

Original poster
youarekidding · 14/07/2012 12:16

squeaky that just about sums it up - what he wants and my reply Grin

Oh Foslady I will try that - I'm pretty sure 4yo's don't play out with friends, watch Top Gear and can't play with Hornby Trains. Wink

OP posts:
fridayfreedom · 14/07/2012 12:17

spoil him now and you'll have hell when he is a teenager!!!

MardyBra · 14/07/2012 12:57

He will eventually get thirsty enough to get his own drink.

quoteunquote · 14/07/2012 13:31

Explain to your son, it would be mean of you to allow him to grow up , not being able to do things for himself.

tell your son it would be mean to all the friends he will live with in the future if he wasn't a person who does things for himself.

tell your son he is in training to be one of the people will want to share space with.

CountDuckula · 14/07/2012 16:50

As he is only doing it when you are sat down, do you think it may be him reacting to you not being there last week as much as wanting to be waited on hand and foot.

NotANaturalGeordie · 14/07/2012 16:56

DD1 sometimes asks why she has to lay the table every day, so I have offered to swap so she makes tea and I lay the table which usually keeps her quiet. YADNBU to say if he wants it, he can get it! You could also offer to show him what a really mean mum is like......

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