to think he can bring his own laundry down?

[3duracellbunnies]

And I'm talking dh not a child well not an under 18yr old . A bit of background - we have a laundry bin in our bedroom, he maintains that because it is there and he throws half of his clothes in that direction that the laundry fairy should know when he is running short of underwear, and so collect, wash and return clothes. The children and I get dressed and undressed downstairs (only have downstairs bathroom) so we don't wake him up at 6ish when the little ones get up. I get ready for bed downstairs after making lunches, dishwasher, tumble dryer stuff, and he is usually already in bed. I therefore put all of mine, children's and any of his dirty clothes downstairs straight into washing machine to wash overnight and either dry on line or tumble dryer next day. We therefore get clean clothes on a regular basis.

I don't think IABU in suggesting that he brings his laundry down when he knows he is running low, I will then wash dry + return. I already insist that he empties his own tissue laden pockets first. If it matters to you, he works mon-fri 9-5, I work from home 5+ hrs per week (evenings, weekends), have two in primary school and a 2yr old at home with me all the time. Dh feels that I should do it as part of the 'team'.

My rule is it only gets washed if it's in the basket.

I do wonder why you are all tip toeing round him like he's a sleeping lion not to be disturbed though.

YANBU. My kids done get their clothes washed unless its in the laundry basket by the washing machine. If my kids can manage to get their clothes there, your dh should be able to!

So you are the maid & childcare. Are you the cleaner and chef too?

Part of the team? Surely he means so much less important than him that he thinks it is your role as a lesser being to pick up socks and pants he drops as he is too important to have to do it?

If he cannot be bothered to put things in the right place to help you out (like he can't do his own washing anyway) with the washing on a tiny thing like this why should you knock yourself out for his laziness?

Stick to your guns

what part of the team playing does he do then?

He reckons that making it to the basket is enough, my arguement is that seeing as he is the only one to use it he can bring it down. He does have a stressful job and sometimes can't sleep so I cut him some slack in the morning, he does play well with the children, but I do think that some sort of responsibility for his own clothes is not unreasonable. Will stick to my guns on this one

Take the laundry bin out of the bedroom or put the washing on while he is in the house and shout to "if you have anything you want washing bring it to me now please"... or teach him how to use the washing machine.

My husband is pretty useless at anything domesticated, but he knows that if he needs anything doing urgently, he may as well do it himself.

I have got him trained quite well now, as he works away a lot during the week, so he comes home and he goes straight to the washing machine with his bag of dirty clothes, and gets them in there.

Unfortunately there is just no space downstairs, and tbh he would probably just go back to using the floor. Good idea about telling him that I'm putting a load on.

He moans that the house is untidy - which it is, but then doesn't see how he contributes to that by adding to my workload with things that he could do for himself. He says it can't be too much extra to go up and get it, which I do when I remember, but tbh if I have a full load of washing I don't dedicate too much time to thinking about which clothes I have and haven't washed (beyond the girls' uniforms).

My DH is just awful with laundry as well - stuff left on bedroom floor. I once told him (calmly) that I was not going to pick up his (disgusting) stuff anymore and would only wash clothes from the laundry bin. Consequently, he still leaves his stuff on the floor for days on end. Occassionally he will put on a wash of some his stuff, not even nearly filling the machine and denying anyone else in the house the opportunity to wash anything else that might be needed. I've given up. :(

I'm now working on getting everyone to put their crockery in the dishwasher and close the dishwasher door.

The children manage to put their plates in the dishwasher because they don't get pudding otherwise dh usually too busy enforcing the pudding rules to notice he hasn't done it. I think that he always thinks that love is clearing up after the other person, although when challenged he does admit that he wouldn't really like to pick up my dirty pants and empty out my dirty tissues. Having a good sort out today though as he is away, children happy doing some craft and chilling out as all tired from term and he's not at the door like a puppy wanting to go out on a trip somewhere . Will do my best to get him to at least take more responsibility for his own clothes.

Just put the laundry bin in the bathroom or get rid of it all together

I think you need to remind him that you're his wife, his equal, not his skivvy. He needs to start treating you with some respect.

Its his clothes that aren't getting washed because he cannot be bothered to do anything, his problem.

I always find it amazing that these threads ALWYAS state DP/H works really hard. I'm not saying yours doesn't OP but surely there must be one slacker DH/P on the whole of MN who goes out to work .

Get rid of the laundry basket upsatirs and put it in the bathroom.

"He says it can't be too much extra to go up and get it"

Good, then he won't mind doing it to be able to take advantage of you offering to do his laundry for him. :)

We have a similar set up, mine and DDs clothes go straight into the washer, DH puts his in the basket. I usually empty it so I have enough to do a full load. But it is the first thing that gets left if there is a lot of other things to do. So if someone is ill, or there's more mess than usual, DH can either muck in and do a bit more, or he can do his own laundry. (tbf, he's mucking in a lot more than he used to, he's even learning to "see dirt" )

FFS ALWAYS and upstairs

Let me rephrase, its not up to you to sort this out, its up to him, you do enough putting m/c on, getting clothes out, drying etc. Refuse to listen to any moaning and tell him to get basket down when he is running out. Once he has run out of stuff a couple of times, he'll have to do it.

He says it can't be too much extra to go up and get it tell him that you agree with him, and then ask why he doesnt.

I am really mad on your behalf. You are his wife not his fucking maid! Dont be nice about this, get mad with him. Make it clear that you will not be doing is washing from now on and if he has no cleans pants then its his own fault. By remind him you are still taking the responsibility.

And as for those who talk about "training" their OH, you need to get some self respect! No man needs "training" to do his own washing, but clearly he has managed to train YOU into being his skivvy!

So he goes to bed before you and gets up after you and expects you to run round after him ?

I wouldn't be so quiet when collecting the hiswashing at 6am in the future

Our house is tiny, there is no space in the bathroom, so it does need to be upstairs, and if it made it as far as the bathroom he could put them in the washing m/c. He does need to be bringing it down rather than moaning about it.

He does have a stressful working environment, working mainly with abused kids + management aren't exactly helpful, so I understand why sometimes he can't sleep, but is usually asleep when children get up. I do get some lie ins or I go back up to bed, it would be great if he did spring from bed full of energy at 6am, but he doesn't, and neither do I roll on teenage years when they all sleep in .

I guess I doubted myself as he seemed so upset that in his eyes this was one more thing I was nagging about on top of the pick up your clothes of the floor, throw away or recycle don't just leave it out etc, he is getting better at those things he is stressed, but it still doesn't mean that I have to be responsible for knowing when he needs clean clothes. Thanks MN!

My rule, if it ain't in the basket, it don't get done. End of. Get tough, he's being a arse silly billy.

What, and it's never stressful doing what you do? I think he is being a bit daft if he believes that!

You are already doing lots of nice things to make his life easier, like making it easier for him to sleep. That's sweet of you. You don't need to be doing his laundry for him too!

We went through the laundry basket fights too. Dh would toss things in that direction and miss or drop them on his side of he bed. It would make vacuuming impossible without picking up his dirties, so I started kicking his socks and undies under the bed. When I did laundry there would only be maybe on or two pairs of undies in the basket, he started wondering where stuff went, had to hunt and then do an emergency load as I was too busy/ Finally he got the message, now I rarely find a pair of undies on his side and if I do I leave them and kick them to his his bedside table, he has started picking them up.
This takes years of reminders cause it's just not that important to them and not even on his radar unless you keep at it.
I tried talking to him about it at first and was accused of nagging, so under the bed they went.

If my 8yo with SEN knows that his clothes will not get washed if they are not in the basket - then your lazy arse not so 'D'H can manage it too.

If he moans, shred the fucking clothes. If I ever get into a relationship like that again, it's what I will do. Shred his underpants in front of him. Not for leaving them around - but for having the bare faced cheek and audacity to fucking MOAN about it.

Can you tell this is an issue I have strong feelings about?! It was one of the major factors in the break-up of my relationship to my Ex-P.