To think DP should WANT me to sleep at his house?

[Tracheostomy]

DP and I tend to take it in turns to sleep at each other's houses alternate weekends when the children are with their other parent. Last week DP was supposed to be staying at my house and he made the excuse that it was a works night out and he wanted to go to that and would be too late back home to sleep here . I'm supposed to be sleeping at his house tomorrow and he's just text me to say that he doesn't want me too as he's on a night shift tonight so by tomorrow night will have had no sleep for 36 hours and he will want a really good nights sleep on the saturday. We are going on a horse trek early on Sunday.

I argued that he could still have a good nights sleep with me there and he insists he won't as I "faff" about too much - by this he means I get up to use the toilet once or twice and sometimes dare to move in my sleep!

AIBU to think that since he never stayed here last weekend, his excuse of being on a night shift tonight is a pretty poor excuse as to why I can't sleep at his tomorrow night??

Hes using excuses because you are a nightmare to sleep in the same bed with.

images of you years down the line in seperate single beds reading books wearing pjs lmao

I do fidget a bit and he reckons I snore. Thing is, so does he and that doesn't stop me wanting to sleep with him. It doesn't show much commitment does it. This from a man who reckons he wants to live with me at some point.

Well either;

A: He's tired and just wants a quiet night in alone.

Or

B: He hates you.

I have no idea which it is. How long have you been together? What is he like the rest of the time?
YANBU to feel a little rejected I guess.

It is really disturbing to sleep with someone if you're not used to it, though.

DP used to work nights and if he ever had enough time off that he slept with me I wouldn't sleep a wink! But if he was off for a while I got used to it.

Sounds like he's going to be knackered - disappointing but that's what you get with nights. At least you'll see him on Sunday!

I can understand him wanting his own space, and knowing someone's going to faff about at night just makes you even more anxious about getting/not getting to sleep.

But then I can see why you could be worrying it might be something more than just the sleeping bit, it's probably not best to pile any more stress on staying over, but then how can you find a resolution without talking about it??

Sounds a bit odd if you are at the beginning of your relationship - although after 25 years of marriage I HATE shaing a bed with my DH and usually go straight to the spare room . I find it incredibly difficult to get a good night's sleep with someone else in the bed!

Tbh I have no idea. Sounds like valid reasons, but could just as easily be excuses.
I sleep loads better when dh is not here, he fidgets and snores. I can sympathise with him. What's your gut feeling? Do you think he making excuses?
Why not wait until next weekend and see if he make excuses again?

Would you rather he stayed with you even though he didn't want to?

I couldn't think of anything worse, for either of you.

At least he feels he can say he doesn't want to rather than going all funny and sulking etc.

I think you need to see if the pattern keeps being repeated. From the examples you give, he doesn't come across as totally unreasonable since wanting a decent, undisturbed night's sleep after 36 hours is understandable.

However, if he cancels next weekend and continues to find reasons why you shouldn't sleep at each other's houses then I'd view it as a bit of a red flag.

I agree with Pandemoniaa. Are you sure he went on a 'works night out' and he hasn't met another woman whom he might prefer likes? Look at Pan's second paragraph. We will all wait to hear what happens next weekend - oooh- this weekend!

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years, we do not live together, but are commited to each other.

At the start of our relationship there were times when i didn't want him to sleep at mine, because of the reasons that your bf has given.

We only tend to sleep in the same bed when we are on holiday, or camping.

We have both done the marriage bit and we have want we want in our relationship abd that doesn't include living/sleping together.

You need to be talking to him about this, as you are going to get biased opinions on here.

It is better in a relationship if you communicate with each other and not get other people, who don't know either of you, take on it.

YABU. It's not like he's making you sleep on the street.

'not get other people, who don't know either of you, take on it.'

And where's the fun in that eh Birds?

The OP says she has talked to him about it though, and by the sounds of it she's just wondering whether that is just a load of old flannel or whether it's a plausible reason - going on what how other peoples relationships pan out.

I'm such a light sleeper. I love my dp dearly but there are times I wish he could piss off and sleep elsewhere and come back in the morning.

Once or twice a week I sleep in the spare room.

DH fidgets, snores and talks in his sleep, drives me mental so instead of smothering him I sleep elsewhere.

He hates it, I on the other hand love it!

"And where's the fun in that eh Birds"

Point taken.

OP you need to ask those who have been there and done the living together thing and are at a different stage of their life.

You get used to sleeping on your own and having your own space. It doesn't matter if you are in the first flush of love, you still don't want to give up an inch of your bed.

I occasionally kick DH out of bed. Doesn't mean I don't love him, but I do sometimes need space (and a whole bed to myself).

I wasn't able to sleep in the same bed as DH until we'd moved in together, two years after we met. I would stay at his and sneak off to the sofa, or he would stay at mine and I would lie there wide awake all night (sofa too small to sleep on). Some people just find it tricky. Even now, after 9 years together, there is rarely a week when we don't spend at least one night sleeping separately.

TBH, if he had tried to insist that I force myself to stay in the same bed, even knowing that I have sleep difficulties, I would have put him down as selfish and finished the relationship. Because he didn't and doesn't, I am able to relax more and consequently spend many a happy night tucked up in bed with him.