to think mil is cruel for offering dd things she cant have?

[familyfun]

ils going on hols tomorrow for a week.
mil said to dd1 (5) "do you want to come on your holidays with nanny and grandad" come to the seaside and have icecreams and lots of fun"
dd looked confused so i said "dd you are coming on holiday with us soon arent you so you'll get your icecream and trips to the sea then".

ils have never asked us if they can take dd on holiday, we wouldnt let them as they arent reliable and dd is at school for another week, i thionk its cruel to ask dd to go on a holiday that she isnt invited on, cant go on and they probably would have said no if she had wanted to as they are elderly.

they took their other grandchildren away regularly from the age of 2 and have told us this but never asked to take ours.

they dont use seatbelts, have a bounding dog all over the back seats of the car, cant walk more than 5 mins without a sit down, dont like the sand, dont like crowds, argue all the time, are rascist, sexist and mainly watch tv and eat chips on hols so hardly a holiday for a 5 yr old anyway.

aibu?

What did your DD say?

Not read the whole thread but it seems you just don't like them plain and simple.

You complain that they don't take her away - yet say you wouldn't let them anyway?

dd said nothing, just looked confused and looked at me, so i said we are going soon.
i dont dislike them, they are dds grandparents and are kind, loving, generous, always there for everybody.
i am not complaining about them not doing things, as i said im happy with the weekly visits they do.

My mum used tondo this a lot when my dc were younger. Tbh I think it was wishful thinking as she wasn't well enough to look after young children. I bit like me saying won't it be nice when I can wear skinny jeans - like that's going to happen! So just smile say wouldn't that be nice then change the subject.

yes partly wishful thinking, she always says her best holidays were when her boys were little and they went with her brothers and sisters in law and neices.nephews so i think she wishes for busy family hols again.

we must try to do more daytrips with them but their needs and ours are so far apart. ie. last trip to farm with dds and gps, gps rushed us all past animals to get in cafe, then rushed through playbarn too noisy, back in car as tired.

I don't get the what the problem is. You don't want them to take away DD anyways. So what's the deal?

Should they not mention what they did with their GCs to your DD? Is that what you want. If they are good grandparents, then let it be. Not worth getting all up in arms about it anyways.

Yanbu

My dad used to do this to me when I was little (why don't you live with me, if you live with me I'll buy you a pony etc). Really upset me.

You say they are elderly and then say they took the other GCs away 10 years ago when they were in their fifties. So they are a maximum of late sixties. Not elderly and certainly should be physically capable of looking after children (even if they are not responsible enough.) You sound like you just don't like them.

Your MIL should ask you before asking your DCs though.

elderly is more than just an age. My Granny used to help look after friends much younger than her but who couldn't manage as much when she was in her late 70's.

Not everyone in their sixties is in good health. My parents are mid-sixties and in great health but many of their friends aren't so fortunate (heart disease, lung disease, arthritis etc). There is an assumption that because life expectancy is now eighty-something, that everyone in their sixties is doing yoga and running 10km a day- the truth is that many many people just stagger on on a cocktail of prescription meds for 10-20 years longer than they would have a generation ago when those meds hadn't been invented.

I should add that I definitely wouldn't assume my parents could look after a 5 year old and a toddler for a week- I'm sure they could if push came to shove but it certainly wouldn't be anything approaching a holiday for them.

I sympathise - it was unkind of your MIL to say that to dd when it's not practical and she probably didn't mean it (or wouldn't be able to do it).

they are 75, they took our nephew away 16 years ago when he was a toddler and took neice away 10 years ago as a toddler, fil has 1 new hip and 1 painful hip and has had cancer, mil has had a stroke, has bad arthritus, diabetes, cant walk more than 5 mins without a sit down, so are both physically incapable of caring for and keeping up with a 5 yr old and wouldnt strap her in car as dont think seatbelts are useful.

i dont mind them mentioning taking other grandkids away, just dont think they should have asked dd if she wished she could go.

they are now on holiday and there was no more mention of taking dd thankfully.