To be not that concerned?

[Flobbadobs]

DS's SATS results came home yesterday, he did ok, lower marks where I expected them (literacy) and higher in maths & science, again as I expected. DS is gutted though and very embarressed by the lower mark (3).
Me & DH know his strengths and weaknesses and have been quite vocal about the fact that as long as he tried his best thats all that matters.
In the playground though there has been all kinds of nosiness and competitiveness about the results from the parents and he asked me not to mention them to anyone. He's worked bloody hard throughout his school life to get to the level he should be in literacy and reading and spelling have never come easily to him.
Am I being U to not be concerned or upset about the results? Some of the reactions in the playground were priceless, one mum burst into tears because of the results!
He tried his best, thats the main thing for us.

Yanbu.

You have compleatly the right attitude!

If they try their best then that is all that matters! :)

YANBU to not care about the results.

But you are being a bit mean about the mums who do care. Yes, you are a wonderful parent who will never push their child too hard and only cares that they tried their best. Good for you. But your OP comes across as very smug about your superiour attitude to parenting.

Be proud of him and how hard he has worked.

I honestly don't get why parents are so bothered about SATs results. Obviously if a child is doing really badly it's a matter for concern but most of the reason a lot of children don't do that great is that they're not used to sitting formal tests, they faff around and forget to answer questions, they don't check their paper thoroughly and they make silly mistakes. All of those are exam skills that they pick up later on and then promptly discard when they leave education as they're utterly useless. As long as a child is able to read reasonably well and has a good standard of maths by the end of primary that's all that matters. SATs are pretty meaningless.

Honestly what do parents think is going to happen if a child doesn't get a level 5 when they're 11? Do they think Richard Branson got a 5 or even that numpty David Cameron? Life does not depend on exam results, it depends on luck, motivation and opportunity, things that you can't really control.

YANBU. SATs is not supposed to be a competition, it was supposed to measure how well the school does in the childrens progression.
Many parents see it as a competition with level 5s as the gold star!!!
My son's primary even gave out subject prizes based on who got the top SATs marks. My son missed a prize by one mark but I think in reality it was better that we didn't effectively take part in all the hype and prize giving based on these results.
I am a firm believer in doing your best and every child has their forte in some area, sometimes it isn't obvious till later when they have more opportunties to find it.

Certainly didn't mean to sound smug, I was more suprised than anything else! There is definitly no superior attitude to parenting going on here, benign neglect maybe!

I think being unconcerned, if you mean praising your DS, is the right reaction.

If you mean unconcerned, in the sense that I don't mind that my DS has not reached the expected standard (assuming he is year6), then YABU.

This isn't just being a bit below average, it's failing to reach the expected age standard which every child should reach.

As you are leaving the school (or are you in a middle school area), there probably isn't much you can do (other than perhaps find out why their teaching did not bring him to the basic standard). Do you know s his destination secondary sets/streams in year7 and how much they use SATS in doing so. Do you know what remedial and support measures they offer to pupils who have not met the standard?

I meant unconcerned as in we praised him for trying his best. He's going to high school and as he has been in the remedial work groups at his primary he will be assessed when he gets to year 7. The school has an excellent reputation for helping children in this area which is one reason we chose it.
I do actually know one reason I think, in year 5 I had a conversation with his teach about spelling. We correct his spelling at home (he still writes phonetically on occasions) and I mentioned it at parents evening. She told me that this wasn't something they were bothered about, spellings weren't corrected and even though they did spelling tests, in the actual work books they were more bothered about content and showing knowledge than spelling.
However in year 6 it all changed and suddenly spelling was all important in preparation for year 7. His marks dropped and we did have a few meetings with school about it. It's actually a bit of a battle we've had for a couple of years. It has felt like we've been undermined because he's been told on one hand that it's not that important when we're trying to help him!

I think YABU to not be concerned at all actually. I'm not saying you should be concerned about other peoples reactions, they are irrelevant, but I'd be concerned if my children were at that level at the end of year six.

But you are right to praise him if he tried his best, obviously. He can't do any more than that, and he needs praise for the encouragement and confidence to keep trying.

You are absolutely right in not being concerned at his results in relation to his classmates, because it's not a competition and that is of course irrelevant.
But to achieve a Level 3 in literacy is a real cause for concern;
your rationale that it's because the school didn't correct his spellings (despite giving regular spelling tests) will not in any way account for this.

Wasn't it the same for the entire class? Why didn't you intervene sooner if you considered it a problem?

Sats are pointless and irrelavant. You know hes on track and doing well day to day and that's all that matters. These other mothers at the playground are pathetic. It's not a competition and sats are meaningless anyway!

I don't think it sounds smug at all. Or at least, I must be smug too, because I think a child's SATs results are essentially a private matter between the child and whoever he decides to tell. Not a source of gossip amongsy anxious/pushy parents

Secondary schools ime take a pretty dim view of SAT's. Some primaries spend far too much time teaching to the test in Yr 6 to look good in the league tables and the results, particularly in English, have been shown to be unreliable. For those reasons, many do their own tests in Yr 7.

You're doing the right thing, OP, especially in choosing a secondary school with a good reputation for helping children who find some areas more difficult. And, most important, in praising your son for doing his best.

I, too, find the competitive parenting in the playground very sad. I thought we'd done with all that when the 11+ was abolished. (in most areas.) If you're lucky enough to have a dc who finds academic work easy, you should quietly count your blessings, not make sure everyone knows about it. That's my definition of 'smug'.