to want another child

[kmdwestyorks]

I have a beautiful DD (3years), but she's an only child, an only niece and an only grandchild. And for now that means she's centre of all our lives and has a long list of people who she loves and is confident in their love for her (even with me as the draconian mother who insistes she learns to share and DGP's are kept in chocolate check...).

But I get so scared for her future when we're all gone, my family is really important to me. My sister is my best friend, my parents are great. I couldn't imagine getting through life without the love and support of a family but she'll be alone one day. The extra opportunities she gets as an only child can't make up for being an only child can they.

I want her to have a sibling so much but DP (soon to be DH) is older(53) and had a vasectomy long before we met. We can work round one but the age remains and probably knocks out any chance to even adopt a child.

i thought if i just put extra effort in to making sure she socialised with other children and learned the value of friendships she'd be fine. Only time will tell if that works

But i can't stop feeling like i've done something terrible to her and it's breaking my heart.

I don't know anyone who's an only child. If you are, please tell me you have a happy life! Tell me i ABU!

I cut contact with my 'family'. They were distant, cold, messed up and abusive. Not god for my self esteem. I guess I am alone by choice but not as lonely as I was.

YANBU to want another child, for your DD to have a sibling.

But it is unreasonable to expect your DP to want the same. At 53, I plan on having my child-rearing days firmly behind me. I do not want to be supporting a child who is living in my home until I am in my 70s.

You cannot know whether a sibling would have a positive affect on DD's life, especially as she gets older, unless you have one, in which case, if it is not a positive, it would be too late to undo. There is no way of knowing, so I think you have to accept the choice you have made and realise that you have done the best by your DD and that, as she will never know any different, her life would not have necessarily have been better with a sibling.

squeaky, have you read the Best, Exotic Marigold Hotel? I found it quite an interesting, uplifting read about ageing/family.

OP, YANBU to want another, but YABU to keep worrying about it if there is nothing you can do about it. Either accept it or do something about it. Your DD will be fine; I'm sure you're a great mum. I think about having a third DC so that my two can have a larger family when they are older. I don't think we will and I need to accept that - but I wanted to point out that that worry doesn't necessarily stop when you have a second, there's always something to worry about!

Would you consider sperm donation?

re the future, I've seen enough sibling groups TEAR each other apart during probate when the parents die to be quite glad to be an only child. Its hard for siblings to be supportive of other siblings when suddenly they are all going throught the same thing in different ways at different rates

There are loads of benefits of being an only child, I worry about the fact that I am having no2 and DS now wont have the advantages I had!

once again thanks all, you are all wise

witchity has a point, i am very lucky to have a happy family background so i suppose that what i always wanted for my own children. But DD is a charmer and she is popular. We've made sure that she has other children to play with.

squeaky, i am fully intending to be very disgraceful myself and promise i will NOT be a burden to my DD. Got the old lady arse wiping stick designs in the patent office as we speak but i'll let you have one .

To answer: DP isn't her biological father but they adore each other and he IS her daddy. I wouldn't push him to have another, i accept his perspective and i'm not fighting it, he's been with me since i was 6 weeks pregnant. He knows he can't do a new baby full time again and i wouldn't ask him to. he has two other children who are both adults and have started their own families so his decision is very much well informed by memories of the realities of new babies.

CamperFan, you're right and i am in the process of accepting it and coming to terms with it. I've also picked up a few hours sleep since this mornings post.