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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be angry and hurt about this?

16 replies

QuestionTime · 13/07/2012 07:01

So last night we were out as a team and everyone had had quite a bit to drink.
Towards the end of the night I got chatting to the director of our department, so very senior and my bosses boss. He's (normally) a lovely bloke and very much one of the people so very easy to talk to and have a laugh with.
Anyway I mentioned that another colleague had flown in today and so the director said he was going to text him and get him to join us at the pub. I said fine but please don't say that it was me that said he had flown in as I'm not sure if he wanted everyone to know.
Anyway te director started this text with "questiontime says..." I laughingly tried to get the phone off him so he grabbed my arm and gave me a really really painful Chinese burn. I cried out and he proceeded to do it another two times.
He then started telling me that I had totally ruined my career by leaving the department after only a year and a half in the team (I recently got a new job and start in sept) and that I would never be able to work in his department again. That I was far too ambitious for my age and couldn't expect to progress like I have been doing.
I don't know where all this came from but he hurt me physically and emotionally.
I suppose what I'm asking is am I overreacting to be upset?

OP posts:
cormsilkye · 13/07/2012 07:03
Shock how is your arm? That's awful - did anyone else see him behave like this?
bragmatic · 13/07/2012 07:04

prick.

QuestionTime · 13/07/2012 07:04

It's fine this morn but was bright red last night. Yes other people saw.

OP posts:
cormsilkye · 13/07/2012 07:06

thank goodness other people witnessed that - they are all probably thinking the same thing as bragmatic then....you clearly made the right choice to leave his department.
will you see him today?

KenDoddsDadsDog · 13/07/2012 07:06

Report him. Bullying, completely out of order.

QuestionTime · 13/07/2012 07:17

Yes I will see him today. Don't want to report - don't want to be seen as someone who makes a fuss.

OP posts:
Melpomene · 13/07/2012 07:20

This is bullying (probably it's a criminal offence of assault as well) so definitely should be reported. What if he is bullying other people who are too scared to stand up to him or say anything?

HecateHarshPants · 13/07/2012 07:21

makes a fuss? That is not making a fuss. I hope you are going to show him your arm!

Was he drunk? - not that that excuses him, but I can't think why else someone would be such a twat!

QuestionTime · 13/07/2012 07:24

Yes everyone was drunk. To be fair to him I was laughing at the time even though it hurt and I was saying stop it.

OP posts:
Dozer · 13/07/2012 07:27

This is a disciplinary issue, if you report it to HR he would be investigated and disciplined.

CBChester · 13/07/2012 07:35

He obvs has a problem with the fact that you seem to be going places. Saying nasty things is bad enough but physically attacking you is a no no, perhaps he will apologise today? Hmm either way you should speak to HR

RawShark · 13/07/2012 07:50

It sounds out of character for him. You said you had all been drinking which is a difficult area. As you are leaving his departement may be you could take this up with him personally - pop your head round the door and say you're concerned about the other night and what he said/did as it was soemthing that hadn;t been alluded to before and could you just chat about it? As you say he is normally lovely then he may be feeling mortified too and will apologise profusely. If this doesn;t give you a warm glow then HR probably need to be involved

MammaTJ · 13/07/2012 07:53

Good job you are leaving really!!

StripyMagicDragon · 13/07/2012 08:01

I would report him. Acting like a spiteful 5 year old isn't acceptable in the playground, never mind at work.

GreyElephant · 13/07/2012 08:10

If you don't want to make a fuss you can speak to HR in confidence and ask that the incident be noted down but not actioned. That way if it happens again, or he writes you a bad reference etc you have some evidence to back you up.

I understand you not wanting to make a fuss. I complained when a drunken boss 'jokingly' asked whether i would sleep with him if he gave me a pay rise. He got away with a ticking off for being 'naughty' and i was magically pushed into another department which stalled my career big time.

tiddleypompom · 13/07/2012 08:22

He sounds jealous of you - or certainly threatened. He is a bully and a thoroughly unpleasant individual - and you will not be the only one who has experienced this. Really you ought to report - or he will continue to be allowed to misuse his authority, though I appreciate you'd rather not. Thing is, if you don't, you'll have to live with it and if you're anything like me, it'll dwell on your mind for some time to come & may even corrode your self confidence.

I bloody hate pissed work dos.

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