First time poster so forgive me if I use actual words rather than handy acronyms. I just need to know whether to bother with this friendship or consign it to the ?smile inanely and talk inconsequentially? when we happen to meet pile (growing bigger as I get older!)
Some dull information about my boring existence background: my friends tend to organise themselves a) on a very ad hoc basis or b)an incredibly organised one requiring notice periods of several weeks, so I am fairly flexible with how I deal with people.
When I had my DS (now 18 months)I met another mum in hospital. We got on well although I noted she could sometimes be a bit hysterical take things a bit too much to heart. We went to a lot of classes where I introduced her to a friend and we talked regularly about how our moods, relationships etc had been affected by motherhood ? on average we met about once a week over a year.
Since we returned we haven?t met up as much ? normal you would think ? although I noted via FB and glimpses (not stalking, honest) she was often in my neighbourhood seeing the mutual friend mentioned above. Having tried the ad hoc meeting basis (she was always busy) I reclassed her under b) and organised to go to a free event 5 weeks in advance via email with mutual friend. The email was along lines of ?DO you want to go here on this date? to which she replied ?that date is good?. To clarify ?mutual friend? relationship fine as we text/meet-up at other times.
So time passes and I email a few days before the date to which she replies that she?s not free now as she?d made plans as she?d not heard back ?sorry?. I email back to say did I not mention it at that event up the road from me that you didn?t tell me you were going to the party? To which she replies very formally that "it was not mentioned" and that from the emails it is obvious we didn?t have a firm date and they have been having a hard time (her husband out of work for about a month, which is a situation I?ve been in too and I didn?t stop seeing my friends)
OK I think - she thinks I am having a go so I email to say that I didn?t mean to upset her and I probably forgot to mention it and I miss her and her LO and that I am upset we aren?t meeting as I thought we had a firm date. And that if she organises something in future we can all be firm on the dates.
I don?t say that she is having such a hard time she looks at this email and doesn?t bother to confirm with me arranges to see someone else and that I am a bit offended she didn?t ring or text me in person to say sorry couldn?t meet up (this is something I always do if something like this happens so the other person doesn?t feel like I am ignoring them). I haven?t told mutual friend either as that doesn?t seem fair.
So far so petty eh? But she has not replied. No word. I hate that she can?t be bothered to send even a one liner so we can at least pretend we are still friends be on good terms. It makes me feel that I am in the wrong and a horrible person but I don?t think I am other than mildly suggesting I had reminded her of a date. Our LOs will probably be at same school and everything, and she knows I am likely to be at events in this area (how much effort is a text?) so it also seems a bit short-sighted (maybe I should add a ?must be logical? criteria to my friends).
Incidentally I only dwell on this when at a low ebb (up since 5 for other reasons today) but I am really rather upset and my plan is never to mention it and chat manically when we meet - but as most people on here I just want to check my behaviour is not unacceptable within the bounds of what I thought was a friendship lasting a year.