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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To think this is ridiculous?

24 replies

flibbertigibbert · 12/07/2012 22:38

I stumbled upon this gem in a pregnancy blog:

"I was just thinking last night ? you know how part of the whole hormonal release/bonding thing is the baby going through the birth canal? I bet they?ll come up with some instrument ? like a vibrator-type thing ? that somehow triggers this for women who for whatever reason can?t delivery vaginally with the advancements of science. I guess if it hurt it wouldn?t be that good, but something to simulate that release."

In the comments here

I can't get over how insensitive this seems. Possibly overreacting after just visiting SIL who had a caesarian 2 weeks ago, but AIBU?

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/07/2012 22:40

I'm not bonded at all with DD currently asleep on me what with her being a CS baby.

Blogger is an idiot.

LentillyFart · 12/07/2012 22:41

You are over thinking it. It is merely the meanderings of a flaky mind being shared with a disinterested world on the interwebnet.

Original poster

flibbertigibbert · 12/07/2012 22:46

Sorry, am aware that I definitely am being unreasonable with my poor spelling.

OP posts:

MyLittleMiracles · 12/07/2012 22:46

Not being funny here, but i had a bond with my baby BEFORE he was even born!! How you give birth doesnt matter in my opinion, the love you have for your baby, or at least for me grew with every stage of my pregnancy.

sensuallettuce · 12/07/2012 22:48

So what about adopted kids or kids born through a surrogate?

Load of bollocks.

GhouliaYelps · 12/07/2012 22:49

There was no malice it's just her random thoughts...

HybridTheory · 12/07/2012 22:56

Shes still an idiot though..........

Krumbum · 12/07/2012 23:34

It's isn't the baby passing through the vagina its the contractions that give a huge rush of oxytocin when the baby is born. So a vibrator would do nothin [nothin]

CaliforniaLeaving · 13/07/2012 00:18

Weird, would that mean I'm not bonded to my two c-section babies and one adopted baby? We all seemed very secure and attached very early. Adopted one much faster than even I had anticipated.

YaYaBinks · 13/07/2012 02:37

I wouldn't let anyone come near me with a baby shaped and sized vibrator - blogger should try dragons den though...

AdoraBell · 13/07/2012 03:14

Oh yes, I hardly give my DDs the time of day because they were born emergency c-section, totally detatched I am.

lisaro · 13/07/2012 03:31

Fuck me I've seem some bollocks in my time and .... Actually that says it all. Not even going to dignify such shite with experiences is reasons as to why it's right wrong.

TroublesomeEx · 13/07/2012 06:48

Just ignore it, you are way overthinking it!

I had one VB and one EMCS. Whilst I can understand people might have a personal preference, I really cannot see how the means the baby got out has any bearing on anything (outside of the physical).

It still grew in there, you still have it.

To me it's as ridiculous as suggesting people would feel differently about an IVF baby because it wasn't conceived in there.

Some people are just stupid.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 13/07/2012 06:51

Well DD got stuck in mine for what seemed like a lifetime! Ended with EMCS and had her pulled back out. Does that mean DD and I are more bonded than average? (It sure felt like it at the time!!)

RawShark · 13/07/2012 06:55

I don't think the bloggeris being insensitive - she's just been told some NCT rumour fact and is wondering how that could be achieved. The fact that she's got the wrong end of the stick / other people are stupid about c-sections isn't her fault.............

I have read some ridiculous threads about unecessary and necessary c-sections on here previously which were far more insensitive!

Tee2072 · 13/07/2012 06:57

I don't even really understand. Isn't it the contractions that give you the rush?

Then I'm really screwed as I was a schedule CS due to my health and never went into labour.

I guess the little guy who just crawled up on my lap for a morning snuggle is faking our bond...

ErikNorseman · 13/07/2012 08:18

Don't take it personally, it's just some gormless twat having a brain fart. It is unbelievably moronic though!

NeedlesCuties · 13/07/2012 09:08

What is wrong with having an ultrasound after 24 weeks?

Sorry if the answer is a commonly known one, but I don't know and took scans at 31, 34 & 37 weeks with both my pregnancies as was hospital policy.

StateofConfusion · 13/07/2012 11:01

I have absolutely nothing to do with the 3 and almost 5yo who roam my house, the 9mnths carrying them did nothing to connect us and having csections were the final release of any attachment we had to each other.

Is there a comment saying you can't breastfeed after one aswell?

StateofConfusion · 13/07/2012 11:03

Needles I had scans at 31, 34 and 37wks with dc1+2 and they're already booked for dc3. So I have no idea.

Ariel24 · 13/07/2012 12:11

Pretty stupid comment to make isnt it...

I'm booked for an ELCS due to severe tokophobia and I actually worry that if I didnt have the c/s I wouldn't be able to bond with my baby. Obviously thisis just me cos of my problems.

Guess I'm just trying to say I don't think a matter how your baby is born, as long as mum and baby are happy and healthy that's all that matters. And I dont believe a c/s stops you bonding.

DeWe · 13/07/2012 13:10

I don't think how you have the baby should make any difference to bonding. As someone else said I bonded while they were inside me.

However I have known 2 mothers to whom the caesarian effected their bonding. I think it was because they both had great expectations of having a drug free birth, and ended up with an emergency caesarian-which they viewed as a failure.

One of them used to look at their dd even at 5 and 6 and say things like "I can never look at her without feeling sadness because I didn't have a "proper" birth".
Personally I think that particular lady would have benefitted from counselling, but when trying to help her, her main reaction was to blame her dd

The other lady I knew had told everyone beforehand that she was having a drug free water birth, which was the "only way" to bond properly. So when she had the c/s she then didn't expect to bond. She got diagnosed with pnd and had a lot of help, which she needed.

Most people bond whatever way they give birth. These two took it to extremes the other way. I guess if you only knew someone like these who told you they didn't bond due to c/s you might assume they were right.

VolAuVent · 13/07/2012 13:12

Stupid and ridiculous. Not worth wasting any more thought on.

Cheriefroufrou · 13/07/2012 13:15

I think from limited anecdocal stuff from people I know, the people who did feel that bonding was affected by CSs were people who sounded very like the OP and "mourned" the fact that they didn't have the "right" birth.. they were so fixated on a natural birth that they struggled to come to terms with it and it took away from the fact the baby arrived

the rest of us who didn't really mind that much how it came out so long as we were all well at the end of it, nah it didn't really make a difference!

Flip