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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being unreasonable to want to move?

12 replies

Arabellasmella · 12/07/2012 14:00

I moved up to Cumbria 10 years ago for work. There is only one employer for the kind of job I do here, but at the time I wasn't bothered, I was young and free and wanted to be out on the fells and was hoping to meet me a nice rich farmer!! Anyway i ended up meeting an even nicer chocolate salesman instead, and we're now happily married with two little boys.

All is well apart from my job. I hate it. We went through a restucture 3 years ago which meant that a) I now have to do a lot of teaching which I'm quite phobic about and gets me into a state, and b) I lost hours and we couldn't make ends meet so now I work in a shop a few evenings a week as well. It's all a bit stressful and hanging over our heads is the fact that my company is moving out of the county in 12 months time and I won't have my main income at all.

Have tried for the past three years to find another job and have just about come to terms with giving up my career and doing something completely different but am struggling with low wages up here, my lack of skills in other areas and wanting to fit in around the kids and school. So far only one suitable job has come up and I didn't get it.

I feel really low and hopeless and trapped. Yesterday out of interest I looked at jobs in my profession in other areas and found that there are still lots out there. I could earn good money, and be fulfilled and not have to do the teaching bits that I hate here. However it would mean a move, and my Cumbrian is not up for it. He is rooted. Has never lived anywhere else and never wants to. He says it is better for the children up here, which I guess it is. But i think we would both have better opportunities, that the kids would be fine, and that city life would be amazing, again. I am only talking Leeds, not the other end of the country, but he won't consider it. Am I being unreasonable? Should we just wait it out and see what happens or try to be proactive??

OP posts:
samandi · 12/07/2012 14:08

YADNBU. I'm in a similar situation, I keep seeing potential opportunities pass by and it's incredibly frustrating at times. He is being unreasonable to not even consider a move and your work life.

mistlethrush · 12/07/2012 14:09

I like Leeds - its a compact city. And it doesn't take too long to get to Cumbria from it either. If he's really country-rooted, could you perhaps persuade him to look at one of the small north-Yorkshire villages that's not too far from Leeds and see if you can get the best of both worlds, with frequent trips up to Cumbria alongside?

LemonBreeland · 12/07/2012 14:09

Could you not move somewhere so both of you could commute? It does seem very unfair.

Flyonthewindscreen · 12/07/2012 14:13

I think your DH IBU not to even consider a relocation that would mean more financial security for the family as well as you being able to resume a decent career. Could you not live outside a city, so your DC would still be growing up in the countryside with you commuting in for example?

PurplePidjin · 12/07/2012 14:14

YANBU since you clearly need two incomes in order to support your family.

Why the fuck would your husband prefer you to be poor and miserable when you could just move a few miles up the road and be well off and happy Confused

hackmum · 12/07/2012 14:20

If you find a solution, let me know.

I live in the place my DP was brought up in. I don't like it and never wanted to live here. But it seems we're stuck here now. However, it sounds like you do have a compelling reason to move that isn't just "I don't like it". You would be happier and you would both be financially better off if you could move to Leeds.

The trouble is he has the advantage that you're already in the place he wants to be. Immovable object wins against irresistible force.

PaisleyLeaf · 12/07/2012 14:30

It sounds as though he'd be really unhappy in a city, rather than find it amazing. Good thing you didn't meet your farmer (at least there's chocolate in Leeds).
It's really difficult.
If you were to move nearer to the M6 and maybe commute to Leeds/Manchester/Liverpool then I don't think anyone would be happy.

I have friends in Cumbria (it is very special, and friends who've left after growing up there do yearn for the Lakes). But crikey you're right it can be grim and it could get grimmer once you lose your job.

Arabellasmella · 13/07/2012 15:22

Thanks for the replies. It made me a bit tearful to think that it's not just me being selfish. I showed him what you all said last night and he has agreed to have a look at potential other jobs, so you never know, we might get somewhere. At least it wasn't a flat out no. Although the mechanics of how we'd go about such a move is a bit mind boggling...

OP posts:
RichTeas · 13/07/2012 15:25

Dun't talk to me aboot sofisticashun, A've bin to Leeds!

Katienana · 13/07/2012 15:28

What about moving to Northumberland instead, if there are jobs in Newcastle you can easily commute from there and still be really close to Cumbria.

manicbmc · 13/07/2012 15:32

Northumberland is gorgeous. Newcastle is really easy to get to. So you have the best of both worlds really. And it's near enough to travel to Cumbria regularly.

attheendoftheday · 13/07/2012 15:45

I'm in Northumberland, it's lovely and rural, and quite feasible to travel into Newcastle each day.

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