To want or think i can have more children ?

[pugsmum]

Hello all

I havnt read all the info on here yet as I have just dropped in for some advise because i an getting increasingly upset and worried about not ever being to have more children

( i have dp nagging me help him tidy while i sneakily mumsnet ... )

I have recently had an op and contracted an infection (sounds irrelivent) of which obvioulsy i was puking my guts up (excuse my french!!) for the past week ..
This brought flooding back all the memeries of being preganant with my son now 19 months but was sick throughout the pregnancy , and bed bound for 4 months ! However this week dp has been off work and has been single parent / sick persons slave / cleaner and chef !!!! ( to a mans standard any way ) therefore i have been able to crawl out of my pitt for big cuddles and toilet only ! which was just luck as he booked off the week for my opp!

It was torture for the past week as i just kept thinking (as we have been starting to think about trying for another baby in the near future ) HOW THE HELL am i ever going to ever manage another pregnancy and look after my current son

??? IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE ( or am i hoping for too much should i just be happy with my one beautiful baby and not epect to much )

while pregnant with ds1 i read about a women who aborted her 2nd baby for the same reason .. this gave me the strength to continue with my 1st pregnancy as to be perfectly honest i was very very close to giving up on the whole thing (I hope no1 is offended by that comment but ) but it just outlines how bad it was .

i want nothing more than a family and to have more children .... is this reality how do people survive it a second time and how do i look after my son.?? i do not have the money for permanent childcare especially if i am on measly sick pay !!!

What is the reason you were so ill? Did doctors say it's likely to reoccur?
All pregnancies are different and a lot of the time you're not necessarily getting the same symptoms/problems
Having said that, having a toddler and a newborn is very hard. perhaps you could give it a couple more years and wait for DS1 to be at school?

I had really bad pnd after my second child and then conceived a third (contra. failure) i got through the first 6 months after delivery with a mothers help coming in a couple of flexible days per week. i also relied a lot on friends and family. having more than 1 seems impossible until you do it and realise that it is all about being well organised. if you are worried about being ill in your preg. then go to a gp and get advice first to weigh up all the options. dont have a second child because you feel you should/it is the norm. the norm for you and your family is whatever you want it to be.

oh sorry bit random i just quickly copy and pasted my blog from the hypermesis section and didnt cut the crap out lol ..

I suffered with hypermesis ()

oh wow m meister Umm i think u must have mis understood me ...
I definatly dont want a family to be in the norm club ... Its all i have ever dreamed off i feel like it is the only thing i have ever wanted more than anything else .. and its the one thiing i struggle with the most !
My DREAM is a big family i probably wont ever have a "big " family but would like to try for at least one or if i find a miracle a couple more

AS for it not happening every time i was pregnant a few years before i had ds (sadly miscarried ) but i was bed bound until i lost the baby with this condition it is more likely to happen every time i cant risk 'hoping for the best ' as once im pregnant its too late !!

Well, it seems you have two things to consider - firstly, can you bear to be that sick again, and secondly, even if you can bear it, can you still look after your first child?
Even considering how bad it was, you sound pretty desperate to have more children, and whilst it's awful at the time, 9 months (and less, at it's worst) is not much from a life time.
So then you have to look at HOW to make it work... For a start, you could delay TTC until your 19mo is 3y and gets 15 hours free nursery hours. That's half a day every week day not to worry about caring for him. With a bigger age gap, you have the opportunit to save longer too, to afford more childcare to help you out. Also, the older they are the more independent, so may be easier to manage.
Or you could wait until #1 is in school, which might be a better solution if you will need time to rest.

Plenty of people only have one, for lots of reasons (ours our financial and fertility, our child is IVF). It's hard, but you just have to find a way to accept your decision.

But I'd say just waiting a couple of years would really help you.