To say Great GM comes to ours to see DD or not at all

[elizaregina]

see other thread, just had horrific time with an uncle visiting UK, wanting his DS to play with our DD. He directly asked my DH for details of where and when to meet then all of a sudden, with no consulation to us - the action was moved to PILS house and DU REFUSED with all manner of lame excuses to come to ours.

GGM is coming for four days in August, We had every intention of letting DD go to PILS all day usually 8am to 8pm so MIL and GGM could have some " quality" time with her.

HOwever after the disgusting controlling display exhibitd over DU visit, I feel we should put our foots down, Dh should call GGM ask her plans for the visist and book in a time NOW to see us.
Then email PILS and say - " this is our arrangment with GGM if you try and order me to bring DD to yours, that will not be happening">

This is latest in long line of problems and them treating my DH as a five year old....and relate said we must lay boundairies down adn stick to them, even if means cutting them off...however she is an old lady with a heart problem.

HOWEVER!! i AM also pregant and do not want PILS to know after horrific behaviour last time, led to problems with my bonding with baby...hounded us - cristised us etc...

So, alotugh I would genuinly like to see GM, ( she is german and doesnt speak english so lots of nodding and smiling), she is sharp and may notice bump,....

so sort of give in once again, and almost reward bad behaviour over uncles visit - by letting DD go there all day ....or put foot down, say she is coming here on x day and risk another nuclear fall out when FIL tries to force DH to take DD there......

no thats a great idea....one they cant be offended by either...or challange....yes def screen calls, its just the coming round to knock at door, its so invasive, looking out at the streeet etc to see if they are coming...

They come to the door and bother you? They haven't got a key have they? Change the locks and have a stout safety chain fitted, can always be explained away by having discovered your home was not as secure as it should be and so have remedied that.

If they do come in spite of you saying you're ill, to start shouting and insisting you must let them in threaten to call the police because this is harrassment. I doubt FIL would like police coming to his home in front of guests to tell them to stay away from you. It would truly spoil his big businessman image. In fact you could consider a restraining order to keep them away from you, your children and your home. They're lucky you didn't do this after the previous attack on you.

Hi girly, they wouldnt shout and it wouldnt be her - it would be him, he NEVER looses his temper!
My dad was a business man too - but he said my FIL gives him heart palpitations! It would be him on a mission to make us submit, they dont have a key, its just the intrusion, getting in the car always looking round, going to shop wonder if he will spring us.

They're lucky you didn't do this after the previous attack on you.

My DH should have cut them off thier and then after the attack years ago tbh. I feel alot calmer about it all today though, now I have some good ideas on it !

Remember that you are entirely within your rights to refuse to let DD go to the PIL house. They have no legal rights of access to her, only what you both agree to, and I feel it would be of no benefit to any of you at this time.

So you don't enter into a dialogue, you just repeat that you will let them know and hang up or walk away.

You know that ultimately you may have to move away to make it less likely to see him when out and about, and also he can't use the 'I was just passing and thought I'd call on you' excuse.