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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be thinking about taking dd out of nursery

18 replies

sobloodyexpensive · 10/07/2012 09:41

I am so torn about what to do.

She is 2.5 and has attended the same nursery for 2 years, full time until new year, when she dropped down to 1 day a week as I had ds and am now a SAHM. We decided to keep her in 1 day a week as she liked it and thought it would be good for her while I was still getting to grips with ds, he was quite a demanding newborn.

Anyway she is now not coping with it. If we drive past the nursery on a non nursery day she says I not go to nursery today and if nursery is mentioned she says the same thing. On nursery days she cries and doesn't want to go and cries when dh drops her off. She's happy when we pick her up though, and the ladies say she's had a nice day - but the thought of going seems to upset her so much and causes her a lot of stress.

You're probably thinking why on earth do we keep her there, please don't think we're cruel. We just thought that a day doing stuff independently without me would be good for her when it comes to preparing her for school - my sister never attended nursery and the first year of school was a disaster for her,she would cling sobbing to my mum and cry half the day. Also, I feel like she gets to do stuff there that she wouldn't here, like sitting down and doing activities without me having to stop and see to ds or trying to do housework.

I don't know what to do, does anyone have any advice? Am very worried that I am hurting her by sending her but that I will not be doing her any good by taking her out. Right now I am leaning towards taking her out.

OP posts:

Fluffy1234 · 10/07/2012 09:48

I would take her out of nursery and look for a playgroup for a few mornings a week for September or January.

Lovesoftplay · 10/07/2012 09:51

Agree with fluffy. If it distressing her to the point where she dreads going, I think she should come out. Maybe think about sending her to the pre-school of the primary she will be going to? They normally take children from 2.5 and she could start in september.

rainydaysarebad · 10/07/2012 09:52

How about 2 half days? Also, ask the nursery workers what she enjoys doing there the most and which days her friends attend. Speak highly if nursery infront of her and tell her she can do x and y when she goes or play with x and x. I think nursery is brilliant for Young children, don't take her out completely.

rainydaysarebad · 10/07/2012 09:53

Did she cry like this when she was going full time?

Indith · 10/07/2012 09:55

I'd take her out, it won't be long until she gets her 15 hours and will be able to start at pre school if she and you want. In the meantime go to plenty of toddler groups and use your local surestart and she will get to do lots of things. Church run groups often have lots of volunteers who are more than happy to do activities with your child while you feed the baby.

FWIW my ds1 was just not ready for nursery age 3 so I didn't send him to preschool but he sailed into school with no problems at all. Following your child's lead can be a great thing.

Original poster

sobloodyexpensive · 10/07/2012 09:57

Hi, she wasn't like this when she went full time. I just don't know - how important is it for a toddler to do things without a parent there - is it important at all?

OP posts:

DrowninginDuplo · 10/07/2012 10:00

I'd take her out and go to play groups. IMO it isn't very important for a toddler to do things without their parents if they don't want to. If they want to great, but otherwise I'd just wait until they are ready.

Indith · 10/07/2012 10:01

children learn to be independent by being secure. Give them security and when they are ready they will fly. I'd guess (I'm no expert) that when she was full time she felt secure there but now with new sibling and only going once a week she isn't sure what is going on.

savoycabbage · 10/07/2012 10:03

Take her out of nursery, she doesn't like it. You can always do other things like play groups and story sessions at the library.

Mrsjay · 10/07/2012 10:05

she is probably a bit miffed the baby gets to stay home and she doesn't Im not sure if you should take her out or not but she will be in preschool soon so maybe keep her there for now, and see how it goes, a new baby throws her little life up inthe air she will get used to the baby and her new routine imo , but if she is really upset then of course take her out,

festivalwidow · 10/07/2012 10:11

Has she been like this for long? I only ask because DD went through a phase of saying 'I'm not going to nursery, I want to go to the park instead,' and she's a similar age: she didn't cry so much when I left her, but was fine when I picked her up.

It might be worth having a chat to her keyworker about things she enjoys at nursery and anything they've noticed that might be an issue, as rainydays suggests: in my DD's case it seemed that half the problem was that she was trying unsuccessfully to have a 'real' conversation with the younger children and getting upset when they didn't talk back (which explained a lot of her suddenly saying 'X/Y/Z child isn't nice!') She now does a number of language activities with some older children which is keeping her busy and gives her lots of conversation during the day. Once that was sorted she was perfectly happy again.

Just a thought, but might be worth trying: partly in case she then decides she wants to go back to nursery again (or is that just mine on a Saturday?)

AKE2012 · 10/07/2012 10:17

Could it have something to do with the new baby? Maybe your child is feeling jealous and left out. I would speak to the nursery and see how she behaves when she is there and if they have any suggestions on what you could do. I think if she isnt stressed when coming out then shes fine to stay there.

lovebunny · 10/07/2012 10:19

keep her at home. she's only small for a short time. in fifteen years time you'll be saying 'where is she? she's never at home! i never see her!'

Dozer · 10/07/2012 10:22

I would keep her at home for a bit and look for a preschool or playgroup for when she gets her free hours.

Dozer · 10/07/2012 10:23

IME (of five) nurseries almost always say DC have had a good day, and it's not always true!

Chandon · 10/07/2012 10:27

I was in a similar situation, but with a CM where DS went for 5 hours a week.

So I sent him to playgroup instead, when he was 2y9m, and it took a while to settle in but he made friends and had fun. He went 4 mornings a week (3hrs).

It is much harder, somehow, to send a 2 year old to something once a week than to a shorter session every day, when it becomes routine.

Toddlers thrive on routine and predictability.

Well, mine did.

Tiggles · 10/07/2012 10:36

I'd take her out. Apparently attending a nursery one day a week is the hardest way to be.

As a positive story DS2 desperately didn't want to go to playgroup, but had no problems going to nursery or then on to school. Thinking about it my DB never went to any form of childcare before he started school (he screamed playgroup down whenever my mother went near the place) but when he got to school he was fine. DS1 however, cried every time I left him at playgroup (for a year), nursery, reception, year 1... it wasn't until we changed schools in yr2 that he was happy to go. It just took a while to find the right place for him to be!

juneau · 10/07/2012 10:46

It's often harder for them if they only go one day a week, apparently. That one day they spend a lot of time adjusting to being there, whereas if they're there the whole week there is no issue with that. If you're happy to have her at home with you FT, then pull her out. Otherwise, it might be worth putting her in for two or three days, as that will probably be easier for her.

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