Not to indulge DH in his Doom-ageddon plan (possibly zombie and snow related)

[VerityClinch]

DH is convinced Doom-ageddon could strike at any moment. With zero notice. When pressed he has been unspecific about exactly what this might entail, heavy snowfall, the failing of the financial markets, zombies, alien invasion, not getting a bonus this year etc

However he is adamant we are ill-prepared for this.

We have a freezer full of food, a wood burner, lots of logs in the garage, a snow shovel, a sledge, lots of stairs (is it daleks or zombies that can't climb stairs?) For looting purposes, we are two mins from a massive Tesco and could def get there quicker than our octogenarian neighbours.

I concede we do not have much tinned food, and no bottled water. However I suspect DH does not want to buy a lot of soup quite as much as he wants an oil powered generator and an axe.

AIBU just to ignore him?

how come no-one has mentioned corned beef or spam yet?

DS (11) has helpfully pointed out that if we wrap ourselves in foil before we hide upstairs in the wendy house, enemy heat seeking cameras won't be able to find us...

I am an inch away from removing sky from my house simply based on the fact DP just loves those really bad "end of the world" movies that they play on the obscure channels. This would not normally bother me but each film brings with it a discussion of what we should have and don't have, what we would do, where we would go.

Now, My survival instinct must be pretty bad because I just think if it got to that stage we would be screwed. I would n't run for the hills with my dog and my rucksack containing fire steel and a foil blanket. I think I would just stay in the house and hope for the best.

DP on the other hand has an well thought out numerous procedures. However, I think he is slightly unrealistic about killing his own food when he retches having to mould home burgers.

He wants to stock pile food - I pointed out this would be great but we would have to have food that can be eaten raw too. Water would run dry or be contaminated - how much water exactly does he plan to store in our 2 up 2 down terraced house, a few gallon bottles won't cut it for long.

I cringe everytime I see the telly going on. :D

Au contraire, Pom, surely cooking a Fray Bentos pie in the wood burner would add a delicious smokey depth to it? I may try them with those stupid hickory smoke BBQ chippings.

My own personal survival plan is to get SO FAT before Doomageddon that - although I will not be able to run from the zombies, I will be able to pin them down while DH hacks their heads off, and no bastard will be able to steal MY food supply as it will be hanging in great blubbery rings all around me.

The kids can live on Hello kitty pasta shapes (in fact, they will barely notice the difference from their current diet in that respect...)

DH is screwed because no matter how many generators and axes and Fray Bentos pies he buys, he is skinny and a coward.

I was thinking about my lack of organisation for any type of apocalypse and whether I would be able to survive and how difficult it would be with a baby - will have to make a list and get fit < q training montage>

ps we laughed at my dad's stashing if tins inc fray bentos pies - may have to apologise!

In fact, DH is likely to spontaneously combust as soon as the networks gondown and he hasn't been able to check his phone for the fifth time in as many minutes.

T'is he who is dooooooommmmmeeeeeedddd, I tell you, not me.

Actually, regardless of any survival plans DP may think he has in hand, the loss of any sort of network based technology will also cause him to spontaneously combust long before the zombies/plague ridden contaminators/alien invaders get around to bothering with the few houses down our lane. I can see it now. The television goes off. He discovers he isn't getting updated sports reports on his phone and then rushes upstairs to howl with anguish when he realises the internet has kissed its own arse goodbye. He will then demand that I sort it out. Despite the fact that I shall be out in the fields laying pyrotechnical traps and "liberating" next door's chickens.

So much for "The Geek Shall Inherit The Earth" - they'll all be on the top floor leaning out of windows waving their phones around while the rest of us hickory smoke our Fray Bentos tinned delicacies on the wood burner.

As soon as DH can't check Spanish bond rates fifteen times a day he's just going to dissolve into a little pile of ash.

I would just raid my mums house, she has plenty food in her freezer, tonnes of hoarded shampoo and dozens of tins.
We could take up camp there for the night
As for weapons i have plenty of sharp sparkly knifes and an old baseball bat

I agree with PomBear that a peak oil crisis (or global economic meltdown) is the most likely scenario - and one which could begin to unfold without many of us noticing that it's the beginning of the end (whereas hordes of the undead streaming out of Tesco's would probably be quite obvious).

I am working on knowledge.I will then raid someone else's stockpile of supplies.Knowledge is what will save me us.....

Sorry - for years I only saw glimpses of Dr Who, so I recently began watching the whole thing from when Rose joined (when it was restarted, in 2006??) on netflix, and one of the earliest ones in that season was Daleks floating upstairs from an underground alien technology museum.

(I've just met Cap'n Jack, and the new Dr too on Mon night - the one who is currently doing Virgin media ads...) - I love Netflix when DH is travelling!! And Torchwood is on it too for when I finish Dr Who!! Mwaa haa haa haa!!!

And as for preparations - being a girl guide (or even better, a scout) seems to be a great preparation for such apocolyptic disasters. I can save water, light a fire outdoors, lash together a shelter and cook in a wide range of methods. We have a water butt, some wood for an open fire, grow some veggies, have plenty of long-life stores (but lots of pasta and rice so need lots of water) and we have a couple of axes and saws. We all have bicycles. I'd move straight down to MILs back garden, so I could get some eggs and have more growing room, and be near to both sea (fish and shellfish) and woodlands (wood, animals, mushrooms etc). And my supplies of rhubarb vodka would definitely help stave off all pain at the thoughts of what's coming

amillionyears ...

What's happening Winter/Spring '14/'15 ?

I don't think we would have a scenario involving zombies and snow at least. In the definitive zombie books I've read,low temperatures is one of the few things effective in ceasing the tireless rampage of the undead hordes.

ahem,low temperatures are not is...

I think I am right in saying,that that is when Great Britain needs to borrow shedloads of money.Something to do with this country borrows long term,like 30 year terms,not short term like some countries,like Greece and Spain? Feel free for anybody to correct me if I am wrong.
Also the Government goes to the polls somewhere around there.
And something else which I have forgotten,which may involve Europe and/or the Euro in some way.
You did ask! Thats why I said I was slightly serious,my "facts" have gone and got a bit forgotten in time.

I found a moated manor house about 12 miles from here that DH could buy us for a very reasonable £650k and now he has just texted me to say that "might be going too far"

He's just not taking this seriously now it's gone beyond a few pies and water purification tablets.

amillionyears that's good enough for me!

Verity they're all the same when it comes to putting their money where their mouth is.....

My DH just will not go the extra mile and get us a top spec Winnebago with a bulldozer front,a sniper turret,and blades sticking out the sides.

Infuriating .

Verity - just put it in The Plan. When The Time Comes, get to the moated manor house and move in. Hopefully the people who live there will have had the foresight to stockpile some supplies.

Hopefully the people who live there will have had the foresight to stockpile some supplies.

They will almost certainly have failed to cover all the bases too. So while you might have to clear up a few mangled corpses first, you can then settle down in moated comfort and eat their supplies.

skinnyvanillalatte what was that about no zombies in the snow?

I have a Cobb oven it is my baby - I have five children but only one Cobb and am hoping it will cope admirably with the Fray Bentos pies
I also live at the seaside so have no shortage of cooking water - simple evap apparatus over the bath and we're good to go. Rainbarrel when I persuade DH we need one for drinking water.
Kelly kettle too, they will burn anything and everything.
I don't worry about a nuclear war because we have a nuclear power station here, and are a prime target so would be very unlikely to survive the initial blasts.

Verity if we put in however much we make from selling this house, can we join you in a commune at the Manor? We can begin fortification immediately and I have useful skills and knowledge and five ablebodied family members who will do the work...
I plan on winning the lottery and buying a small scottish island for us

timetosmile

^DS (11) has helpfully pointed out that if we wrap ourselves in foil before we hide upstairs in the wendy house, enemy heat seeking cameras won't be able to find us...

If I'm at home on Z-Day I'll have an easy time of it, I've got only the front of the house as an access point and once I've barricaded the stairs myself and the cats are safe. I can climb out onto the roof of the abandoned factory and set traps for seagulls to feed us and then I just have to wait for my friend with the tank and military-grade weaponry to drive to the city and pick us up.

If I'm at work, it's trickier. My boss' house has big open plan windows and a gate around the side so they'll be able to access the house from both sides. Luckily, they have an attic with wooden stairs so once I get the two-year old twins up there I can destroy the stairs, but then we have no water. If we have a clear path my alternate plan is to strap the children to my back and front and cycle to the highest ground possible.

Your DH is not the only person who thinks too bloody much about this.

BerthaKitt it's a comedy horror - in real life the real dead don't like snow.

Don't you just love that all these conclusions are made about zombies - when the theories have never been tested?

( or have they? )