to wonder if it's bad to dump a friend that brings nothing to the friendship?

[JamieEast]

Even if I have been friends with her for years?

In the early days when we were first friends she made more of an effort but these days she:

Never makes any effort

Is over an hour late to meet me most times

Never has any money on her so I have to buy our coffees and lunches

Doesn't appreciate a thing I do for her. I arranged a baby shower for her a few months ago and afterwards she thanked all the other attendees on their facebook walls but didn't thank me.

Is moody when we meet up and very difficult to talk to

I feel as though she doesn't respect me enough. I do a lot for her, she has all my DD's old clothes for her DDs (at her request), and I have helped her out on many occasions.

I know you don't give to receive but I am literally getting nothing from this friendship, not even any support. I want to just stop contacting her but I posted this on another forum and got a roasting from people saying you shouldn't ever dump a friend and that it was me with the problem for not wanting to put up with her ways.

The one thing that rings alarm bells that she might have something not right is thanking everyone apart from you (the organiser) for the baby shower. I would try to find out if this is some sort of cry for help before dropping her (not sure what for, but it takes effort to miss out thanking the organiser and may be some sort of unconscious 'signal', IYSWIM). Not sure I've explained that very well, but it may be that she does need you but can't say. Sort of like toddlers lashing out at their mothers because they feel most secure with them.

Gosh what kind of forum tell you that you are the problem?! No way! Your 'friend' is no friend at all. She doesn't deserve any more of your time, dump her now and leave her to it, she sounds like a nasty cow.

Johhnydepp - your 'friend' is even worse - you tell her you are ill and she hasnt been in touch?! Words fail me, don't waste your time on such a waste of space. I hope you feel better soon x

It sounds like you have become an obligation and not a choice. Perhaps she is trying to give you the message that she is just not that into you any more, by being late, then moody etc. TBH I would just drop her and move on. It's not worth agonising over why some people do this.

Don't contact her again. If she contacts you (eventually) ask yourself if it's because she wants something. If it is, then make your excuses and don't see her.

My two best friends live a long way away and sometimes weeks can go by without hearing from them. But I know that if I needed them, or them me, we would be there for each other. Your friend does not sound like she gives anything back to you. Stop all contact and see how long it takes for her to make the first move contacting you. It'll tell you a lot about her.

She is not a Todd,er though but a grown adult who should no better. If this not thanking for the baby shower is totally out of character you may have a point make hay, but she siunds like a user, going out and not bringing money, being persistently late, you having to pay for lunch. You are there fr her convenience. There are so many other lovely people out there. Might it be that she is trying to dump you!

i am also having an issue with a friend and posted on relationships. Like youI feel bad to walk away but the general consensus seems to be you don't owe anyone anything if they think it is ok to treat you badly. I think everyone has a point.
It is sad but what is the alternative - to get sucked into more rubbish and feel bad about things you have no control over.

Piglet, yes, you have a point and the whole picture (that we have been given) is definitely not a good one and would not make me want to carry on the friendship. But perhaps, just perhaps, it's worth asking her outright if everything's ok, laying it all on the line about how you feel (the OP here, of course) and then walking away head held high that you were the better person and gave her every chance (deserved or not).

Disclaimer: I would find it very hard to do this and not just cut and run in this situation, but the benefit of distance and an anonymous forum brings out a few other possibilities for her behaviour.

If you did try to talk to her about it, I reckon she would either just deny it all or get very angry or be horrified and nothing would change.

Just let it drift. Sometimes it's just not worth having a conversation with the other person about it all. It is sad but you will enjoy your friends who aren't scroungers!

i stopped making all the effort with just such a friend and waited for her to make the next move. She never did so i haven't seen her since.

if you stop contacting her and she comes back to you then you have something to build on and the beginning of a conversation about the rules of your friendship.