or is my current "boss"?

[elkiedee]

My boss from 2006-2011 went off sick with cancer in November, came back in March/April, and is now in his last days (?) of life, slipping away in the hospice. I've been out to visit him twice there, today and last Tuesday. Last Tuesday he was very confused, he now isn't speaking.

I've also been made redundant in a restructure, which is separate, but might have had a different outcome had B still been around.

To arrange to visit, I have to contact B's wife L and her sister. They're lovely, although I wish I'd got to know them a little in happier circumstances. But I hate ringing up every time to get the worse and worse news from them.

My current boss, who doesn't really know much about what I'm doing (work for other people in the department, while I wait to finally escape) asked me last week to ring and arrange for him to visit. Now he's sending me an email arranging for the head of dept to visit. Who I blame for the restructure, in which 4 secretaries (including me) and his own lovely PA are losing their jobs. Oh, I'll do it, but really, can't these people make their own calls to the about to be bereaved relatives?

Oh, I so miss Brian, the lovely intelligent man I used to work with has gone already. I'm just so sad.

Do you think Brian would have wanted them at his death bed?

I would refer them to his wife, she might know whether they'd be welcome or not.

Such a shame but lovely that you liked them enough to visit in these difficult times.

So sad fro those of you who are grieving Brian!!

Could you have a quiet chat with one of the nurses in the hospice, explain the problem, and get him/her to say he really isn't up to many visitors? It sounds as if your current boss & the head of dept may only be doing it because they think they ought to, not because they want to (otherwise they would have been already). That's assuming the answer to Imperial's question is no, Brian wouldn't want them.

Also meant to say that I'm sorry about everything that you are going through at the moment. :(

Oh elkiedee, what an awful time for you.

If they're not close enough to pick up the phone and call Brian's wife they're not close enough to be around him in his final days. Sorry they're just not. I work with a couple of managers I suspect would be like this and frankly it's disrespectful to exercise their terrible point scoring social skills at a time like this.

It's appropriate to send offers of assistance and make sure you find out any funeral arrangements, but not to treat the man's final days as a sodding meeting request.

Bollocks to them, you're waiting on redundancy, I would be inclined to tell them you don't want to blur the line with the relationship you've built with his family and feel you arranging a visit would put pressure on them to accept visits they don't necessarily want. Ask the wife for her email address and offer that as a way of contacting her.

When my Mum was very ill, I told the people trying to arrange a similar type of visit from her boss that she wouldn't be up to it. It was a bit of a fib, but my Mum was confused with the pain relieving drugs and I didn't want to put her through it in case it did upset her.

Anyway, I actually think SparklyKnickers response is far better than anything I could come up with.

Thanks for your responses. I think Brian would be happy enough to see them if he were able to be conscious, I just wish they would pick up their own phones. As sparkly says, it's not a sodding meeting appointment.

Thanks for your advice. I told A yesterday that I thought it would make more sense today and I wasn't going to be around to do it as I would need to concentrate on my course.

Brian died yesterday evening - as his wife doesn't have email at their London home her sister emailed to let a few of us know.

I'm sad now but at least he's out of pain - my short spells of observing him slipping away were so sad.

Sorry. Cancer is a fucker.