To not want to be friend's back up plan?!

[nutellalover]

I had at least ten play dates cancelled over the last four weeks, most of them on the day which means its too late to arrange something else. DS (nearly 4) is a very sensitive little boy who gets emotionally attached after a shy start, so even more upsetting.
I am just fed up of arranging to meet friends who then cancel because they are now doing something different, or meeting someone else or their child had a tantrum so now they will stay at home. Or even better they arrange to meet us but they MIGHT decide to do something else. WTF is the point of arranging a day than?
Rant over. Sorry, just feeling lonely despite 'knowing' lots of people.

Don't you just have kids over to play?

Sounds far less complicated than these 'play dates' where parents have to get involved.

Yanbu.

Cancelling for illness, etc fine, but otherwise of course people should stick to arrangements.

at 3 years old parents generally have to be involved WorraLiberty - and the arrangement might even be a drop and run by the other parents.

Still really rude to cancel at the last minute. I have a friend who does this and it leaves you no time to arrange anything else. Very annoying.

That sounds rubbish - is it the same person cancelling, or a few different people? I am a bit harsh, if someone mucks me about three times in a row I stop making arrangements with them, I arrange in future to see them at play groups or whatever so it doesn't actually matter if they turn up or not.

If your DS is a bit shy I would be seeking a wider range of kids tbh, to help him get used to playing with more people. You can't stop a kid being shy because some people just are and some just aren't but if you gently introduce more people it limits the impact of a flakey friend.

And I understand what you mean about being lonely despite 'knowing' lots of people, I have had phases of that when everyone was busy/preoccupied/whatever and no plans ever got made.

Is it the same people doing this, or are you just having a run of bad luck with lots of different families?

10 in 4 weeks! That's a lot.

I'm pretty relaxed about cancellations. Small children, I think you kinda have to be. Is DS your 1st/only?

How else does a 4 year old get together with a friend unless parents arrange it?
Unless they are neighbours of course.

Not suprised you feel lonely and let down OP. could you make a list if last minute things to do
Feed the ducks
Cake at a coffee shop
Play ground
Soft play
Library
Painting at home

Other option is don't tell him what's happening until the last minute

But YOU know they've let you down :(

I don't know.

When my kids were 4yrs old, their friends used to get dropped off at my house by their parents and picked up again afterwards, or the child would come straight home with me from Nursery/Reception.

It's four different parents who cancelled.
DS is the first but not the only one.also have DD who is nearly 2yo. We mainly arrange to see friends on the weekend when DH has to catch up on paperwork (selfemployed).
DS goes to nursery few hours every afternoon, we go to play and stay groups, library, for coffee, to the playgrounds and beach but I am longing to have friends to actually have a conversation with!

I'm sorry your DH has to do paperwork at weekends. We very rarely had playdates at weekends as most people were doing stuff as a family, that's probably what's trashing these plans for you.
DP and I are both self-employed, but we tend to do the paperwork either very early in the morning (me) or late at night (him), thus clearing the weekend for family time.

Depends why they've cancelled, you could politely make you're displeasure known "DS will be sooo disapointed, could you try to give me a bit more notice next time so that I can arrange something else" or something like that. If it keeps happening try to find more reliable people to make arrrangements with.

Nobody can help cancelling the odd time. But sadly there are a few people who do this a lot. And quite frankly I couldn't be bothered arranging things with them. Agree with Pseudo. Find somebody more reliable. But weekends are a more difficult time to arrange things.

I have a friend who does this,, its so annoying, i just don't bother arranging anything with her now as my DD gets upset. One time she phoned to ask if i wanted to go to hers for coffee that afternoon, so i told DD (normally i dont because i know how unreliable she is) and just as we were leaving, she called and said could we do it some other time as she has just bumped into X who she hasn;t seen for ages and she is coming to coffee instead I would drop her completely but DD and her DD get on so we see each other occasionaly, she's ok but i think shes just a bit away with the fairies and doesn't stop to think.

Oh I see - these are playdates arranged for weekends. I can see how weekend dates could be cancelled so often. Our weekends are always filled with family stuff - some of it last minute.

Can you arrange them for the week, after nursery?

Agree, it's the weekends that are problematic. I beg DH not to arrange things for weekends, and can see that a playdate isn't an ideal addition.

Do you have friend's whose partners work weekend shifts? They'd be more reliable and grateful to have others to hang out with.