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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anybody out there who has donated bone marrow?

27 replies

BackToB4Beatrice · 09/07/2012 13:04

As I'm sure many people have, I have just registered with Anthony Nolan and am awaiting my saliva sample pack. I have been meaning to do it for a while, and Expat and her courageous daughter have made me find the ten minutes to register.

On the site I have read about the massive need for male donars aged 18-30.

I called my brother, who fits all the requirements, and asked him to do it, and he said no. I tried to talk him around, and he said if a family member was diagnosed he would be tested but was not going to go on the register. I explained that he may not be a match for any loved ones, and if (heaven forbid) was in that situation he would be desperate for total strangers to donate in hope for a match.

Unfortunately his is clouded by commen mis conception of giant needles and lots of pain.

I know it's his body and all, but I feel disappointed in him. Especially when they are in need of people of his gender and age.

Can we help convince him, with a thread of previous experience, and hopefully some others also?

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 09/07/2012 13:08

Is he on fb?? Maybe point him in the direction of Aillidh's site and get him to have a look at that! That is what inspired me to go on the register.

Original poster

BackToB4Beatrice · 09/07/2012 13:42

Not on FB. I guess I could show him the threads in chat.
Thanks

OP posts:

lisaro · 09/07/2012 13:58

Sorry, while I think it's a wonderful thing to do (all my sons registered as soon as able ) I think it's a personal choice and you shouldn't harass people about it, which is what continual comments etc becomes. I personally wish everyone could/would do it, but people have different feelings for many different reasons.

confusedpixie · 09/07/2012 14:03

I agree with lisaro, it's personal choice and up to him if he wants to sign up.

Pootles2010 · 09/07/2012 14:10

It is of course personal choice, but perhaps shows that there needs to be more info out there on what actually happens?

LilRedWG · 09/07/2012 14:15

It is a totally personal choice and to be honest I hope expatinscotland doesn't read this thread and feel drawn into it.

I am on the register, as is DH, but if DH had not wanted to register I would never had hassled him. Please do not continue to make comments to him.

Original poster

BackToB4Beatrice · 09/07/2012 14:26

Fair enough. Points taken.

I just feel it's a lack of education. He is 20 and it just hasn't occurred to him, the only exposure is probably what he has seen in My Sisters Keeper.

It seems that that particular group of men are maybe lacking in knowledge, and by the time they settle down, have kids etc they are beyond the desirable age. DB still believes that relatives are matches etc.

LilRed I didn't really think of that re Expat, do you think I should report and remove thread? Quite happy too if that is what people think?

OP posts:

LibrarianAli · 09/07/2012 14:32

Hi,

I haven't donated myself but my previous DP did, twice, while we were together. It was uncomfortable for him, but not unbearable. Both donations were for members of his family. The BM was taken from his pelvis (I think), at the back on either side of his spine. He was sore for some weeks afterwards but mobile, he wasn't in hospital for very long IIRC.

I'm on the register and after seeing what he and his family went through I wouldn't hesitate to donate. However I agree with what others are saying, you can't make someone do something even though you know that it is good - it has to be a gift of love (I don't mean that you can only donate to your family, but you should donate willingly out of kindness and a desire to help other human beings, not because of pressure). My DH can't even give blood which I do regularly and it would be cruel of me to pressurise him to do so.

So, I'd casually engineer ways for him to find out if it is maneagable for him, but if not I'd leave him be.

Original poster

BackToB4Beatrice · 09/07/2012 14:57

Fair enough. Points taken.

I just feel it's a lack of education. He is 20 and it just hasn't occurred to him, the only exposure is probably what he has seen in My Sisters Keeper.

LilRed I didn't really think of that re Expat, do you think I should report and remove thread? Quite happy too if that is what people think?

OP posts:

Emandlu · 09/07/2012 15:02

There are 2 different ways of donating. My dh donated recently by donating stem cells. It was like an extended blood donation, but with most of the blood going back in again. It was uncomfortable apparently but not unbearably so. He has said he would gladly do it again if someone needed him to.

Lilymaid · 09/07/2012 15:07

Someone at work - a middle aged man - donated (after being on the list for 20 or so years) and completed the London Marathon (first and only time) within the same week. From what I remember, he didn't find it too painful - and was very pleased that he was of some use!

missmiss · 09/07/2012 15:25

I am interested in this myself. I signed up to the register but didn't provide a sample in the end. Two reasons:

I'm a teacher and can't take time off during term time, but the way I read the info was that, if you prove to be a match for someone, you can't refuse to donate (obviously) because it's inconvenient.
It sounded really painful.

So, can anyone shed any light on the actual procedure and its after-effects?

Sunscorch · 09/07/2012 15:29

I would, but I can't, because I have a heart condition.
Do you think my guilt is sufficient?

albertcamus · 09/07/2012 16:38

My son had aplastic anaemia (total bone marrow failure) at 3, luckily my (identical) twin girls were both compatible as donors (1 in 4 chance), GOSH chose the one who cried the least - they were 18 months old - and she was given a light GA, wheeled off for about 20 mins, then came round quickly crying for food. Didn't seem in any pain at all (obv too young to know what was going on anyway). As soon as she had food she was happy and fine. Her body made up the 250ml within four days, the donation was given to my son after his chemo like any normal blood transfusion, and he had a normal blood count within a month despite the chemo and anti-rejection drugs. My daughter was back home the next day. She had tiny white marks for about two years from the site (the back of her pelvis), which soon faded.

My son would have died without this transplant, my daughter suffered no ill-effects at all. They have always been very close, and now they are 26 & 24, the age I was during this, they can see how stressful it was, but also a miracle.

The book/film 'My sister's keeper' makes me absolutely sick - it's just an opportunistic author sensationalising a very serious issue, and inevitably people take a more negative attitude towards all forms of donation.

Just ask yourself : 'Would I do it for (my loved one) ?' and the answer would be 'Without hesitation'.

Lily - respect to your colleague, more people should be so unselfish !

bronze · 09/07/2012 16:44

Missmiss of course you don't have to. Even when signed up they cant force you

Like you I had worried about doing it as I have four young children and a husband who works away a lot but figured we would find a way if I was someone's last hope

My dh does my head in because he won't give blood. Our dd is only here because of someone else generosity and yes I know he doesn't like needles but he still manages to get his jabs for going away with work. I can't force him though

bronze · 09/07/2012 16:47

Should add one thing they could improve is the amount of places you could donate. As someone who doesn't drive a trip to London is hellish. If thy could arrange it so each region had a big hospital involved they might encourage more people

Original poster

BackToB4Beatrice · 09/07/2012 16:51

sunscorch What?!

When anybody say anything about people that are medically unable?

OP posts:

Original poster

BackToB4Beatrice · 09/07/2012 16:55

sunscorch my post was harsh and I may of mis read what you meant.
Sorry if that's the case!
Although still not quite sure what you was trying to say, but if you wasn't being "narky" then I do apologise! I think I just read it wrong

OP posts:

IceCreamCastles · 09/07/2012 17:02

Miss miss-I'm on the register and I had to decline going through to further stages of testing as it clashed with me just starting a new (teaching) job.

It was a horrible decision to make and I still feel incredibly guilty about it.

They kept me on the register though.

missmiss · 09/07/2012 17:14

Thanks for your responses. I may look into it again, then. How long do you have to stay in hospital afterwards?

ljny · 09/07/2012 17:27

Hey, fellow oldies: You can register up to age 50.

If you've aged out of the Nolan Trust, just go donate blood - and tell them you want to join the register. (They should ask.)

'You must be aged between 18 and 49 years old (registered before your 50th birthday) and be a blood donor. You can join when you next give blood...'

Link here:
www.nhsbt.nhs.uk/bonemarrow/

spongebrainfatpants · 09/07/2012 17:36

Can I go on the register?
I am unable two donate blood as have had a blood transfusion.

spongebrainfatpants · 09/07/2012 17:36

Too*

VKulla9277 · 09/07/2012 18:41

I've signed up to donate when I can next year, I think it's a lovely thing to do :)

Emandlu · 09/07/2012 18:47

Bronze, you can donate in a number of places - I know there is a centre in Newcastle and Sheffield, but I think the donation location is determined by recipient rather than donor. However, the NHS pay travel costs and for overnight accomodation. It was quite easy to do.

They were quite flexible with dates, they had wanted Dh to go in the day before DD birthday and we'd prepared her for this, but Dh had mentioned it was her birthday and they jiggled the dates so that he could be home that day.

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